1. Monday, December 6, 2004

    karisa’s favorite show is Seinfeld. 

    im pretty sure she watches it every day.

    to thank her for the great dinner party that she hosted last night, heres some excerpts from the Seinfeld Dictionary

    A

    Airport Pickup – 1) a binding social contract to pick someone up at the airport 2) a commitment (to pick a someone up at the airport) that someone makes after foolishly betting a friend on something that they have no chance of attaining (ex. a short man betting that he can jump up and touch an awning)

    Anti-Dentite – someone who is prejudiced against people of the dental profession

    Assman – 1) a Proctologist 2) a person who displays his/her name on vanity license plates.

    Astronaut Pen – 1) a pen that is capable of writing from an upside down position 2) a pen that a crabby old man from a retirement community gives to someone, with the hopes of creating nasty gossip, before Degifting the pen

    B

    Bad Breaker-Upper – someone who ends a relationship by saying mean things that people don’t generally mean – but means them

    Bald Paradise – a period of the 1930’s when all men wore hats so women wouldn’t notice that they were bald or had unattractive hair

    Ball Man Experiment – when an out of work, good for nothing, and unlikely candidate for a job as a ball man (boy), gets a job as a ball man (boy) at the US Open Tennis Championships (and injures a top-seeded lady tennis player in the process)

    Beef-A-Reeno – a canned pasta dish (similar to Chef Boy-Ar-Dee) that is bought in large cans from warehouse clubs, and then fed to horses, who in turn emit a foul odor

    Big Salad (Taking Credit for a) – when a person hands another person a large salad, and takes credit for getting that person a salad, when in reality the person handing over the salad never actually paid for it (someone else did)

    Big-Toe Captain, The – a failed comic bit about how the big toe is the captain of the other toes on the foot, written by an out-of-work comic wannabe

    Bipartisan Mirror – a mirror that is situated in a clothing store with the intention of making a customer look better than they actually are, when they are trying on clothes

    “Bizzaro” Jerry (or any proper name)- 1) the exact opposite of everything that is associated (ie. his/her friends, mannerisms, the layout of his/her apartment, etc.) with a given person 2) when a person (usually a loser) does the exact opposite of everything he/she usually does to realize success (and sometimes failure)

    Boombox Incident – when a short, stocky, and balding man takes a teenager’s boombox away at the beach for playing it too loudly, and tosses it into the ocean

    Break-up By Association – what happens when a man and woman break up, and the man’s friends no longer associate with the woman

    Breathtaking – what to say about a person (or baby), when trying to be polite (especially when you don’t mean it)

    Bubble Boy – 1) a foul-mouthed, bratty boy with an Immune Deficiency Blood disorder who must live inside a plastic bubble to keep him in a germ-free environment 2) the same brat who enjoys squashing people at Trivial Pursuit

    Buck Naked – what a man might call himself under the following conditions; a) he is trying to convince his mother that he isn’t gay, but is a porno actor under that name, b) he is trying to convince his girlfriend that he is gay, so they can break up (only she doesn’t believe him, hence he tries to turn her off by telling her that he is a porno actor under that name)

    mlah + me saw you + miss daisy duke lactchkey simpson pierce