1. Saturday, December 18, 2004

    sex saturday 

    i need to get a f.a.q.

    heres excerpts from los angeles model/fashion designer tila’s faq:

    Question: What is the strangest thing you have ever been offered by a fan?

    Tila: Well there was this guy that kept e-mailing me and asking me to sell him my used tampon. I mean, I’ve recieved a lot of strange offers from people but that was totally out of this world! I mean…that’s just disgusting! What does some strange guy want to do with my blood? Even worse…my period blood in the tampon!!! COME ON PEOPLE!

    Question: Wow that’s fucken sick! What did you tell him?

    Tila: Umm…I told him to give me a million dollars! haha! I’m just kidding….of course I told him to fuck off! The all time classic Tila-line….haha!

    Question: How come you’re so short but you have the personality of a 50 ft giant??

    Tila: hahaha! Well that’s because I have what you would call “compressed anger.” haha! It’s like…all my feelings and my personality alone has been compressed into this little person so I guess that’s why I’m a little firecracker….I’m ready to explode anytime!

    Question: So are you EVER calm?

    Tila: FUCK YEA! Most people just don’t get to see it much…but actually I am a really sweet girl…but that’s what makes it special because only special people get to see a sweet and soft side of me…well actually sometimes I accidently let that side slip out and well….umm….what was I saying? (sorry I was watching porn.)

    Question: So just wanted to know if you were still practicing abstinence? From the last time I read up about you, you said you were no longer having sex. How’s it holdin up for ya?

    Tila: HA-HA! NOOOOOO WAYYYY! haha! Oh man…I tried not having sex for about…hmm…how long was it? Oh I forgot but it felt like years! I tried for a little while and it was great while it lasted but I couldn’t stand it any longer! With my stressful lifestyle I cannot afford to quit my luxuries such as sex and smoking, however I want to let you guys know that I have quit smoking and it’s been a while. I don’t ever wanna go back but I still have major urges to smoke. I feel a lot healthier though and I smell good now! I also don’t hack up green slime every morning anymore…haha!

    Question: So how’s everything going with you?

    Tila: How do you think it’s going you dipshit?!

    Question: Tila, my gf is really into you and we would like to have a threesome with you. Please let me know if you are interested because I would love to have you join us!

    Tila: Hey dude…fuck off!

    Question: Can you cook? If so what do you cook?

    Tila: I didn’t used to know how to cook but lately…oh man…I’ve been cooking up a storm! I’m so happy! I think I’m turning gay because all I wanna do now is stay home and cook! I even started baking cookies! hahahaha! oh man…Tila the party girl staying home to cook, clean, and bake cookies??? Oh man…WTF is happening to me????? AHHHHHH! I’m turning into a house-wife! haha! Oh wait..I can’t be because I am not married…so therefore I am just a fat pig who eats all day long. That’s my main motivation behind cooking and how I got started. Since being on my own….I get so damn hungry all the time that I couldn’t take it anymore…so I went out and started cooking up meals so I can eat 8 times a day! Wooohoooo! Food is like….better than sex.

    Question: How come you never sleep?

    Tila: Beats the fuck out of me! I gave up on asking myself that and trying to figure out why I can’t sleep. Now all I do is stay up as long as I want and sleep whenever…I figure, hey, I don’t have a life like most people do, therefore my sleeping habits will not be the same either. I live in my own world and so fuck following the rest of the world! My body will sleep when it chooses to do so. Besides…the daytime sucks anyway because everybody in the daytime can go suck a mean cock! Day people SUCK! Nightcrawlers…RULE!

    Question: Why do you have such a foul mouth for such a pretty girl?

    Tila: Hey..fuck you! Who said I was pretty?? haha!

    Question: Do seem to be a loner…how is that working out for you?

    Tila: I’ve always been a loner, and I think in the end it works out great for me. I’m alone 90 percent of the time and that gives me a lot more time to umm….damn…what the fuck do I do all that time with myself???

    Hmmm…..Ya know what? I have no idea…haha! But I do enjoy being alone. Surrounding yourself with too many people all the time can slow you down and everybody just gets in the way. My mind is a lot clearer when I’m alone and I’m more self-aware. But when I get bored the other 10 percent of the time I usually call up one person, and that one person is usually a guy that I shag. haha! That’s my idea of fun! Work, work…then shag.

    Question: Do you like socks?

    Tila: Yes because they make great hand puppets and are also great to wipe the cum off of your belly! hahahaa!

    Question: We all want to know the dirty scoop! Who is your least favorite model?

    Tila: Do you really wanna know?

    Yes!

    Tila: Ok…Natasha Yi. She’s not a very nice girl at all. Scumb-bag sounds more like it. I’m not talking trash either. Just telling the truth. Besides…why would I need to talk trash or lie?? Yea..that’s what I thought. Just telling you from my experiences. Hey at least I’m honest and I actually have the balls to post this up and not be fake like a lot of people. If I don’t like someone I will let it be known. I’m not the type of person to be nice to your face and talk trash behind your back…nuh-uh…not my style at all……

    xtx + dougie gyro + kool keith