1. Thursday, December 16, 2004

    what do you do when your dreams come true 

    when the ship comes in and the sky turns blue.

    when the waves get big and the fear gets small, when fingers fit perfect in lifes bowling ball.

    anna kournikova actually did come over the other day. she sat me down and we talked about her marriage to the boybander.

    she told me that she really loved him and he could give her the things that i couldnt and i said yes, i have no mole to give pah-rump-a-pump-pump.

    she said that no one was as funny as me. i was all, what good is it if i lose out to a pop singer who owes everything to his pop.

    she said, you didnt lose, you will still be in my heart.

    i said, i dont want to be in your heart and i took my finger and i lifted her skirt just a tad. maybe a millimeter. she didnt move. she just whispered, nyet.

    and we sat there and held hands as the o’reilly factor blabbered on in the background and she cried a little and i cried a little cuz we both knew it was over and it would never happen for us again.

    i said can we get it on one last time for old times sake?

    she said, tony.

    i said, blink once if you secretly want to.

    she said, its no secret that i want to but i want to be a good fiance.

    i said whens the big day?

    she said, tomorrow.

    i said ah shit.

    she said, i know.

    i said, ah fuck.

    she said, yeah… yeah.

    and then i really cried, and i never cry, but if you were there, trust me, you woulda cried too cuz in real life anna is even hotter than she should be.

    especially when shes smitten.

    and that fuckr smittened my little russian doll.

    and we hugged good night and

    out walked anna kournikova into the dirty streets of hollywood

    and into her awaiting limo.

    crazy in la + steph in southbeach + jason defillippo on call for help