1. Wednesday, January 19, 2005

    i try to be an example to the kids, 

    but im a bad example.

    i drink, i smoke, i’m 111 and ive never owned a home and i currently dont own an automobile.

    i dont proofread my shit, i watch a lot of tv, and on summer days in january i sit in my closet and write to you.

    her name was geena she lives in a shoe. she has a beautiful young maid who comes by three times a week to make her meals and tidy up a bit because geena is in her early nineties.

    my phone rings off the hook and sometimes i get upset but then i say well its better than having no one care about you and i grumble still, and i walk across the great hall to the dungeon and oh look theres the phone.

    its geena, shes calling to ask me if i am single. she apologizes for such questions and she says you realize how old i am, obviously im not calling for myself, i just think youre a wonderful young man and even though shes married shes not technically married because he has a medical condition

    if you can read between the lines.

    and men are pigs. just understand that if you understand anything.

    i thought how terrible that this nice woman, a maid for the elderly, works her tail off but then cant get any because of a curse thrown at her from a dark place

    and what luck that she cleans my neighbors house.

    me, king lover

    possessor of maybe three candles, tops.

    and i feel like i let the kids down because i didnt take her up on her roundabout offer because thats what bukowski would do.

    thats what tommy lee would do.

    thats what bill oreilly would do.

    and today my annual visit to the hollywood celebrity orphanage was canceled as because it is 85 degrees and sunny this january afternoon, a generous donor bought the unfortunates tickets to disneyland, and so im off the hook until next year.

    i mean, i dont get to see the little cutiepies for a while.

    i dont know why more people dont adopt.

    last night i watched american idol with rosalita who agreed with the crazy chick that mark mcgrath is hot.

    i ripped off my pajama top and said fuckers got nothing on these 38 inch pythons.

    which is true.

    and my new printer is flashing red and green lights cuz its fucked up and broken even though its new, and there was a time when you could buy something, plug it in four months later and it would work.

    but life isnt that simple all the time.

    sometimes the angels want you to go outside and enjoy the nice things

    and kickass on your second interview with the top secret nonprofit of love.

    and my computer has viruses

    cuz the bootleg firewall got eaten.

    and i wanna say, just take what you want and leave.

    and my question is, what ever happened to that idea where people wouldnt have hard drives at home, that all youd have at home was the controler box, and your harddrive would be on some secure box somewhere else, a maintained box, a clean machine and you would simply


    that everything was gonna be chill, cuz who really cares anyway.

    and ive been eating pepperming patties like a fiend.

    splink + lost in a lunchbox + mcbrown + starbody