1. Tuesday, January 25, 2005

    if you watch enough “Cops” 

    you’d think that all black folk are crazy, but you’ll never see a brotha jogging in the snow with no shirt on, or jumping into a swedish ice pond in the winter, or running on a football field as theyre about to kick an extra point. so step.

    a new chick came over last night and was talking and talking and talking and i was smiling and smiling and i know im a bastard because all i kept thinking was, when can i kiss her, and if we dont kiss, can she leave so i can play with my newly fixed computer.

    im not at all the man i thought i would grow up to be.

    sean bonner, who has beautifully redesigned his blog will be turning thirty next month and is stressing.

    i unrolled some of my scrolls from the early 20th century when i had celebrated my third decade and the memories came rushing back to me. my notes tell me that i had my girlfriend at the time dress like a harlot and stand at a street corner.

    i pulled up to her and asked her how much. she said, for you tony pierce, just $500.

    i said, how about for all night? she said, for you, $666. and she climbed in.

    we drove to a fancy hotel that i had reserved for the evening.

    afterwards we sat in the unused bed and ate chicken right from the bucket until my mobile phone rang. it was my old band. they had reunited just for my special day.

    so me and my gal got dressed and i arrived at my home and there were all my friends and there was my old band and i went upstairs to the bathroom and there was a huge Pokey outfit. i slipped into it, put on the head, walked downstairs and rocked out with the band.

    afterwards we drove back to the hotel, she dressed up like a different dirty little girl and there was much rejoicing.

    i passed out with a thigh in my mouth.

    not sure if it was my baby’s or the colonels, but it did have several spices and it was finger licking good.

    so sean, may i suggest that you do everything that you can to numb the pain

    but also realize that youre younger than you think.

    id do anything to go back to that penthouse room many moons ago.

    not to mention jam with that band again.

    but most of all, enjoy every birthday that you get to celebrate.

    zulieka + welchie + sk smith