1. Monday, January 31, 2005

    ok well your hero got a date 

    with the 23 yr old born again christian virgin who hasnt kissed a boy since highschool.

    apparently shes never been on a proper date in her whole life.

    how does that happen?

    and again, let me reiterate, the girl is hot.

    nice clothes, good body, great hair, pretty eyes, great personality. no visible scars. if she told me that she hails from swedish royalty i would believe it.

    oh yeah, she has the cutest little hint of a swedish accent.

    99. usa flight insurance

    what will we do? hmmm. she says even if we do nothing it will be fun.

    im thinking korean bbq (something you definately dont get in scandinavia), followed by some rock n roll karaoke, followed by a lengthy battle of truth or dare.

    let me give some tips for the fellas out there.

    tip #1 if you want to go on a date with a fine young woman, tell her that its a date. say, hey wanna go on a date? odds are she’ll say yes. im 111 years old. ive asked a few girls out on dates. im no puff daddy but rarely will a chickie pass up a chance to do something other than the same old same old on a friday night. so tell her whats up and that way everythings on the table.

    tip #2 dont expect shit from her. firstly she owes you nothing, even if you pay for everything. secondly you dont deserve anything, no matter how big your ego is. be happy that youre out on the town with a hottie, enjoy what you have, dont dwell on what you think you want. do everything right and you’ll get yours. someday. from someone.

    tip #3 pay for everything, have several plans, have a few options, have a good attitude, have a clean house to crash at fully stocked with everything including a second set of clean pajamas (because naked virgins walking around your house are cute, but it’s winter, be a gentleman).

    tip #4 make a few great mix cds, have some logs chopped for the fireplace, have some cold bottles of purified water chilling in the fridge, have a few good movies tivoed.

    tip #5 if she reads your blog, freak her out with a totally inappopriate gaping void illustration on the top of your post.

    she just emailed me asking, “so what are we doing? how does this all work?”

    i said, we’re going to eat, drink, and be naked.

    which is a lie.

    i rarely take off my beanie.

    maizzy + happy birthday steph from southbeach!!! + moxie