1. Wednesday, January 12, 2005

    sometimes i’ll turn the headphones off 

    when im flying above the clouds and just let my own thoughts fill me for just a few minutes.

    the kids back on earth arent so happy when i do this but its good to have a little me time when the shit gets especially hairy.

    sometimes i think to myself, why am i here. not alive here but at the xbi here. sometimes i think theres a better something waiting for you, go get it.

    sometimes i think what if theres a worse something waiting for me. nobody ever thinks that their future might be really horrible. but thats a possibility too.

    but then i get back on earth and the bad guys are shooting at me with real live speeding bullets and i think, how could my future be any worse than this?

    and the bullet that zips by me whispers, whats worse would be if i got you.

    went into west hollywood last night and saw my buddy dylans band, shapes of race cars, who filled the place on a tuesday night in a swanky club where all the kids were so welldressed and beautiful that it seemed like a tv show.

    the bartender made me the shortest baileys doubles but i rarely go out on a school night so i just had him setting me up with more so as to show my date for the night, who claimed that she could drink, that ive seen a few cocktails in my day.

    in the mensroom a guy in a silver suit came up to me and said, if you want your mojo back meet me at the crazy bridge with a bag full of gold.

    i stepped on his toe.

    he said please remove your foot sir.

    but i didnt. i looked at him. i memorized his eyes. the lines around his eyes. i looked at how his mouth was shaped. his teeth. dental work. i paid attention to how the hair grew in around his lips and cheeks.

    he said youre creeping me out dude.

    i said i didnt have any mojo in the first place but now i know who you are and i wont forget you and if you try to shake me down for anything, ever, i will fuck you up in strange and terrible ways.

    and then i removed my foot and he tore ass out of the mens room like a cockroach when a light is switched on.

    but yes, i do miss my mojo.

    at least now i know its in safe hands.

    i’d go get it tonight but i have to get karisa into the defamer party

    and finish applying for grad school.

    listen missy + mass live covers me covering ashleys bday + zulieka