busblog

nothing in here is true

  1. Monday, February 28, 2005

    another t. pierce is selling a “how to blog” book 

    how to blog the greatest self published book about blogging that ive ever written has been a smashing success, thanks to you and you and you and you.

    you, however, do not have a signed copy.

    you, then, sadly only have one more day to get one at the super low crazy low discounted rate of $24 (shipping included – if you live in the USA).

    slightly higher if you live outside of the usa.

    you can get your copy by emailing me at howtoblog@tonypierce.com and i will send you back a paypal invoice.

    as discussed on here many many times, How To Blog doesnt actually teach you how to blog. it is basically a collection of blog posts that first appeared on the busblog over the last two years. they’re real life examples of how i’ve been blogging two to three times a day, year after year after year.

    if you want to learn how to blog, perhaps you should go to the other t. pierce on the blogosphere who decided today that it was a good idea to use the t. pierce name to market his How To Blog book + dvd package for the low low price of $347.

    why T. L. Pakii Pierce doesn’t have his products out as Pakii Pierce (like he has on his gmail address) or as T. L. Pakii or even as Thomas Pierce is a mystery because anyone named T. Pierce who Googled “pierce how to blog” since June would have certainly seen not only my original post, but also most recently my book

    both named “how to blog.”

    the post, how to blog, is also in the running for best article about blogging for the 2005 Bloggies

    im sure i just flew under mr. pierce’s radar when he was researching his information, title, and content.

    i am also fascinated by people who write books on blogging, who don’t update their own blog regularily and/or those who have only been blogging a few months.

    i wish i had such courage.

    anyway, the autographed versions of How To Blog will end as of tomorrow. after that all of the links will go to the CafePress site who will ship out non-signed copies of the book.

    i will be making an appearence at SXSW where i will be selling a limited amount of books for those who attend the Blogging While Black panel that i will be speaking at, but the price at SXSW will be ridiculously high because i plan on doing lots of drinking and theres nothing better than cold beer purchased from the profits of your dumb book.

    random frost + vortexia + welchie + bg5000

  2. Sunday, February 27, 2005

    i have to say, 

    i had pretty low expectations for chris rock hosting the oscars this year, but he was totally perfect.

    much sharper and courageous than i expected him to be.

    when chris rock is on a roll theres no one better right now.

    heres the parts of his monologue that went after the president. a tough trick considering how sensitive republicans can get when you criticize dear leader, and double-tough considering how skittish democrats are to attack publicly.

    rock broke it down, laid it out, and delivered it beautifully

    without hate, without anger, with just classic comedy fundamentals.

    A lot of people like to bash Bush. I’m not gonna bash Bush here tonight. I saw ‘Fahrenheit 9/11′, I think Bush is a genius. I thought Bush did some things this year nobody in this room could do. Nobody in this room could pull off.

    Bush basically reapplied for his job this year. Now can you imagine applying for a job, and while you’re applying for that job, there is a movie in every theater in the country that shows how much you suck at that job?” (Laughter)

    I’d be hard to get hired wouldn’t it?

    Now I watched Fahrenheit, I learned some stuff man. Bush did some things you could never get away with at your job, man. Never, ever, ever.

    You know, when Bush got into office he had a surplus of money. Now there’s like a $70 trillion dollar deficit. Now, just imagine you worked at the Gap.(Laughter)

    You’re closing out your register, and there’s $70 trillion dollars short. (Laughter)

    The average person would get in trouble for something like that, right? (Laughter) Not Bush, no. (Laughter-Applause)

    Then he started a war, that’s cool, support the troops, he started a war. Now just imagine you worked at the Gap.(Laughter)

    You’re $70 trillion behind on your register, and then you start a war with the Banana Republic…(Laughter) ’cause you say they got toxic tank-tops over there.(Laughter)

    You have the war. People are dying. A thousand Gap employees dead, that’s right, bleeding all over the khakis.(Laughter)

    You finally take over Banana Republic and you find out, they never made tank-tops in the first place.(Laughter-Applause)

    video of the entire monologue + cheese and crackers oscar roundup + calvin and hobbes archive

  3. fucked up and didnt let paul westerbergs fine label vagrant 

    know that i was interested in going to the anaheim show last night until the last minute, so all they were able to get me was one ticket to the sold out gig.

    the lovely swedish virgin who lives near anaheim drove up to pick me up so we could drive back down there and go to the show, then she would drive me back up here and then drive back home in the wee hours. thats a great girl.

    so i called the house of blues box office before she got to my hollywood hills batcave and they confirmed that i was getting one ticket only. they also told me that yes, there were no more tickets for sale.

    so we drove to the surreal and embarrassing downtown disney and she told me that she had a disney year round pass a few years ago and i was all youre kidding me and she said no i love disneyland. shutup.

    we parked and i went to the atm and took out $60 for the ticket i was going to have to try to buy off someone and then i went to the box office to get my ticket and the sweet girl hung back and waited for me as i tried to beg one last time from the dudes in the box office. they talked about it and decided that no, there were no more tickets.

    i got my one ticket, turned around to see if anyone was selling any tickets and there was my hot little girlfriend jumping up and down telling me that some dude saw her there for the two full minutes that i was away from her and handed her a free ticket.

    amazing.

    i guess the magic kingdom isnt so bad after all, i told her. she said, see, and we strolled in.

    awesome show. full of life and beautiful music. i think now after 12 years im finally not suprised that his mellow songs are actually mellow.

    and as soon as i became comfortable with that he doubletimed “i will dare” after the second verse and turned it into pure punk rock and there was that magic again.

    someone later loudly requested “bastards of young” to which paul said, “that song belongs to the replacements, i will never ever ever ever play that without tommy.”

    afterwards we went to the pantry, ate steak and eggs, and then steamed up her windows for an hour out front of my house cuz we both know if she steps foot inside she’ll never leave.

    mr westerberg and his only friends played thirty songs last night

    1. Merry Go Round
    2. Someone take the wheel
    3. Live forever
    4. Makin’ me Go
    5. Let the Bad Times Roll
    6. As Far As I know
    7. Battleship Chains
    8. Kiss me on the Bus
    9. Final Hurrah
    10. AAA
    11. Rebel Rebel
    12. Swinging Party
    13. Knockin on Mine
    14. Folk Star
    15. Mr. Rabbit
    16. Psychopharmacolgy
    17. Born For Me
    18. High Time
    19. Little Mascara
    20.Valentine
    21. Crackel and Drag
    22. If only you were lonely
    23. Lookin Up in Heaven
    24. What a Day for a night
    25. Love untold
    26. I think I love you
    27. I will dare
    28. IOU
    29. MPLS ( long jam version)
    30. Alex Chilton

    paul’s page + splinky + jim lowney

  4. Saturday, February 26, 2005

    my first thought was, 

    hes doing this because hes afraid he will be shot by the white house

    this is answering the question, “why is james dale guckert appearing on every tv, radio, internet interview show despite being clearly americas first real man whore since the guy who tattooed that company’s name on his fore head.”

    and now jeff gannon has a blog.

    if i was him id be scurred.

    it must suck, so to speak, to have dirt on the current administration so good that they would go out that far on a limb to sneak a gay male hooker into the white house during wartime

    and now have it explode all over their faces, prematurely.

    but what could that dirt be? it couldnt be worse than going to war over wmds that are never found, because there was never any wmdgate

    seems like the only thing a president can get impeached about nowadays is sex.

    im sorry, about lying about sex.

    does guckert have information about a president lying about sex?

    of course not.

    how on earth could a gay male prostitute have any information about anything like that?

    either way, guckert is trying to stay as in the public eye as he possibly can.

    for some reason.

    writing such humorous lines like “So feared by the Left it had to take me down.” as if the Left made Talon News delete all of his articles.

    makes you wonder if every flower blooms its brightest and craziest right before theyre about to die.

    my question is what is it about the conservative cause that would inspire their base to write things, albeit it anonymously, like this, as seen in the comments of matt welch‘s fine warblog:

    This is a total and complete non-story and I can’t believe anyone is still writing about it. (Oddly, what has given it legs is probably the gay angle which is once removed from what’s already a non-story).

    Who cares what a few questions are in a press conference, especially as long as they are all on record and we can judge them. (I often don’t like how the press asks questions, but there’s not much you can do about that.) In truth, the President isn’t required to take any questions from the press, and is also allowed to only talk to people he likes. If he did this, he could be (properly) attacked and judged for it, but that’s about it. But, in fact, he and his spokespeople are regularly questioned about everything (and, just as regularly, dodge questions they don’t like) so the Gannon story adds nothing to anything.

    all its gonna do is make some jackhole like me write:

    fine, leave the gay part out.

    a male hooker with a fake name working for a fake news agency pretending to be a reporter was caught softballing questions to the president and the press secretary.

    when they were caught the fake news agency took down their entire site.

    the owner of the fake news agency, and the employer of the male prostitute fake reporter? owner of gopusa.com.

    in light of revelations that the gop-led administration has paid off at least six reporters recently for pro-gop stories, how on god’s green earth is this flaming mole being snuck in by the white house *not* a story?

    and indeed, how is it “totally and complete” a non-story

    * more Republican trickery and manipulation in the press is not a story?

    * a security breach at the hands of the secret service isnt a story?

    * a hooker working in the white house is not a story?

    * a hooker working for a right-wing fake news agency isnt a story?

    * the white house giving special preferrential treatment to a hooker isnt a story?

    * a fledgling right-wing news agency that had been around for two days is given access that only a select few isnt a story?

    * an alleged news agency whose ace reporter is discovered to be writing under a fake name perhaps to cover up the fact that hes a male escort deletes all of his reports and subsequently their entire site out of shame is not a story?

    you are either a liar or a fool, sir. no wonder you don’t leave a real email address, mr. guckert.

    jay rosen on guckert + jeffgannon.com + one gay date at a time

  5. Friday, February 25, 2005

    the week in rock in la 

    tonight 2/25
    TSAR – EL CID 10pm
    hot hot heat, roxy
    veruca salt, viper room
    .38 special, the canyon
    master p, vault 350
    kenny wayne shepherd, house of blues

    saturday 2/26
    white out, spaceland
    duran duran, staples
    krs-one, fais do-do
    stan ridgeway, largo
    the residents, cerritos center
    the nip drivers, anarchy library
    pretty boy floyd, whisky
    john hammond, mccabes
    bettie serveert + the dirty bops, troubador
    biblical proof of ufos, mr t’s bowl
    the skashank redemption, the roxy
    the gun and doll show, the cat club

    sunday 2/27
    mikey dread, vault 350

    tues 3/1
    love, spaceland
    aaron carter + jordan knight, house of blues
    suckerpunch, the cat club
    matt costa, tangier
    brides of destruction, key club

    wed 3/2
    dashboard confessional, house of blues
    jesus makes the shotgun sound + bi-polar bear, the smell

    thurs 3/3
    sage francis, henry fonda
    jason falkner, spaceland
    jonny lang, troubador
    pillow of wrongness, the gig
    nice jewish girl gone bad, tangier

    ev’s new project + expecting rain + aaron clemens

  6. the kids ask me all the time 

    “why doesn’t the Instapundit ever actually write anything? Why does he only have one-sentence statements ending in a link to some one?”

    critics might say that the good professor keeps it simple because when he actually writes he ends up with unfortunate posts like the one he attatched his name to last night regarding the Jeff Gannon affair.

    “SOME PEOPLE ARE GETTING DESPERATE,” the world’s greatest blogger typed last night and it’s true. When big time bloggers who have made a healthy living criticizing reporters, newspapers, and media outlets suddenly look the other way when the White House gets caught with their pants down by letting a gay male prostitute pretend to be a journalist for a fake news agency that’s one thing, but when they try to attack those who question, now thats desperate.

    Witness:

    “Actually, I have blogged about Gannon/Guckert quite a few times, as a simple search would illustrate. But I agree with Rik Hertzberg that it’s a nothinggate. Or, as Marc Cooper says, a ‘big yawn.’ I don’t think it’s in any way comparable to the use of forged documents in an attempt to swing a Presidential election — and I think that anyone who does think so is pretty much beyond rational discourse. “

    could you imagine if i said something like “if anyone disagrees with me, they are pretty much beyond rational discourse”?

    that’s desperation kids poorly disguised as arrogance.

    it’s also desperate when you find yourself choosing strange bedfellows like who the instapundit selected by chosing David Corn as a temporary ally to strengthen his weak defense.

    Corn, author of “The Lies of George W. Bush: Mastering the Politics of Deception” has an agenda when he mildly defends Gannon. Corn wants the same sort of access as Gannon. And, really, who wouldn’t want a free pass to the White House to publicly ask questions to the mouthpeice(s) of the most powerful country in the world.

    “Listen to David Corn,” Glenn begs. OK, “George W. Bush is a liar.”

    Oh wait, he means listen to David Corn only about Jeff Gannon. And he graciously picks and chooses quotes for us to listen to. Although he invites us to “read the whole thing,” as always it’s interesting what quotes mr. reynolds leaves out.

    Here’s some of what Mr. Corn wrote for The Nation today in his opening paragraph about the scandal

    Gannon/Guckert was a conservative reporter for a marginal news outfit who obtained a daily pass to the White House press office and who also apparently was seeking customers as a gay, military-oriented prostitute. Serious questions do remain as to why and how the Bush White House’s press operation granted access to Gannon/Guckert, a correspondent for the Talon News. Should a fellow with a fake identity–and a questionable background–be allowed into presidential press conferences? Talon News was connected to GOPUSA, an organization run by Texas-based Republican activist Bobby Eberle, and Gannon/Guckert routinely asked softball questions of Bush’s press secretaries during their daily White House briefings.

    does the biggest blogger alive include any of that in his post? what do you think?

    what insty does include on instapundit.com is Corn wondering aloud if the scandal is smaller than it seems (whatever that means – how big/small is it David?), he asks aloud if the fake reporter has been given a “bum rap” (do tell, how has our fake reporter for the fake agency been wronged? after all the agency itself even took down all of his stories – and their entire site – in shame), and he warns bloggers who want to attack gannon that they might not be invited to the next conventions.

    as if going to a convention and sitting next to a delegate dressed like a peanut is anything like sitting feet away from the president of the united states and asking questions based on laughable falseties whose sole purpose is to allow the commander in cheif look better.

    why does the professor want us to listen to david corn, again?

    bloggers are invited to political conventions not just because it looks like the parties are reaching out but because it’s free publicity for their propagandafest.

    correct me if i am wrong, but white house press conferences are not propagandafests. or has that changed with this administration too?

    finally glenn shows his last bit of desperation by trying to say that bringing up the fact that Gannon/Guckert was exposed for being a gay male prostitute as being “gay-baiting”.

    it’s not gay-baiting, it’s not straight-baiting, it’s just the damn fact.

    and it’s funny.

    yes, glenn, it is funny when the white house breaks its own rules, and lets a gay male hooker into the white house for the sole purpose of allowing him access and the freedom to lob softballs to the press secretary and the president.

    it’s funny because this is the same administration that won a second term because they allegedly triumphed in convincing the red state voters that they were bringing morality back to the white house

    when indeed they were bringing gay male hookers into the white house

    to kiss up to the president.

    nobody that i have read has ever said that guckert should be kicked out of the press room because he liked men instead of women.

    the people who i have read have said that guckert should be kicked out of the press room because he is not a member of the press and does not work for a press agency.

    the fact that he is a gay male hooker and the fact that it was easy for bloggers to discover that he was a gay male hooker is simply proof that the secret service and/or the white house did very little background checking on the man who was given a two-year day pass.

    that fact is something that the biggest right wing blogger in the world would rather not talk about and instead keeps trying to bring up dan rather as a deflection.

    a weak

    sad

    pathetic

    and yes, desperate

    deflection.

    either my hero needs to enter into serious, adult discussions about this matter, or to go back to linking to the right and keeping his sentences short and transparent, which i imagine he will go back to doing.

    especially surrounding this scandal, because he is dead wrong about it, and just as hypocritical about as the white house, because Lord knows if this had happened with a Dem in office, the instapundit would be going crazy.

    especially when it’s an administration who now has been discovered to have paid off six other journalists.

    that my friends is a scandal, this is just the gay male hooker fake reporter cherry on top.

    jeff gannon’s blog + $10,000 reward for gannon stories + “when the white house stages its own Daily Show”

  7. Thursday, February 24, 2005

    every designer in the world 

    has written me to offer to dress my new swedish virgin girlfriend. and it’s appreciated but they send these super sexy sultry colorfully sassy lovely things but my girl is a born again who has never worn a skirt above her knee ever.

    and might not ever.

    and i laugh when that tries to sink in because things like that shouldnt sink in which is why i laugh em right back out.

    so pure she jumps when i rest my hand on her thigh, pushes it away to the knee, and smirks when i try to convince her that the thigh is where a mans hand should be when hes driving with his girlfriend.

    has the cutest little cold sore on account of her lack of sleep. poor angel has been working her tail off at the nine-to-five and then filling sandbags at the ymca at night for the flood victims. angel i tell you. so because of the cold sore she doesnt want to kiss. so i kiss the corner of her mouth and try to sneak a tounge in there but no go. now and then she’ll sneak one out but thats it. its cute though and when you do get a little tounge action it feels ten times better cuz you dont expect it.

    makes you wanna say, baby if youre saying that cold sore is contagious, im saying i dont care. im saying rub your lip across my back and spell out your name cuz i want even the man on the moon to know the truth.

    and she giggles which is very nice.

    i quieted that giggle tonight when i reminded her that not so deep inside of me is a darkness cute little swedish girls probably shouldnt mix themselves in with. for im 111 yrs old and thats not dog years whos been around the block a few times and on top of that really truly does work for the xbi so has not only seen everything but has made some of that shit happen including some shit that didnt wanna happen but did happen. but she doesnt flinch and its not all cuz of ignorance, shes just never flinched.

    infact tonight we were parked in the lot of the ninety nine cents store on sunset in a strip mall that once housed a strip club called tulips. i was all, get it? get it? and she gets it. and we were in that car talking and a woman stood outside our window waiting for us to get out so she could spare change us but we just stayed in the car talking. stayed in there so long the woman eventually collected about $46 and went home.

    talked about all of our favorite things – the good book, television, los angeles. no flinching. except when she said, i always feel so comfortable with you tony. and i said yeah? and put my hand on her thigh.

    and tomorrow night she will see her first tsar concert at the El Cid on sunset in silverlake, which will be their first show on TVT Records, so dont be suprised if they put on an inspired set for their new label. special guests the ettes.

  8. Cub Fans Will Eat Bartman’s Ball 

    from today’s Los Angeles Times

    CHICAGO — The foul ball that unraveled the Cubs’ chance for a World Series appearance and left fans steaming is now simmering in a red spaghetti sauce.

    Harry Caray’s Restaurant Group last year bought and destroyed the infamous “Bartman” ball, an object that to superstitious Cub fans became the ultimate symbol of bad luck.

    Now a restaurant is using the ball’s shredded remains as an ingredient in its “Foul Ball” spaghetti. Since the dish was unveiled Monday, about 1,000 people have paid $11.95 to sample it. Proceeds are going to the Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation.

    Cubs faithful from Fargo, N.D., have driven more than 600 miles to taste it. Fans from England and Italy have asked the restaurant to ship them the pungent sauce.

    “The start of baseball season is coming. We have to do something to prepare,” said Grant DePorter, the managing partner of Harry Caray’s restaurant, founded by and named after the late Cubs announcer.

    During the 2003 National League championship series, Steve Bartman — a loyal Cub fan — inadvertently knocked the ball out of left fielder Moises Alou’s reach. The Cubs were leading the Florida Marlins 3-0 — just five outs from a trip to the World Series. The Marlins rallied to win Game 6 and took Game 7 to advance to the World Series — where the Cubs haven’t been since 1945.

    The Bartman ball was blown apart last February, reduced to a pile of shredded wool, twine, leather and rubber. But its destruction failed to bring about the much-hoped-for result — a World Series berth last year — which led tens of thousands of fans to e-mail or call DePorter.

    They begged for one thing: Finish the job.

    “We went through all the messages, and there were three common pleas,” DePorter said.

    Drown the remains in beer. Pierce them with a laser beam. Eat them.

    DePorter decided to do all three — just in case.

    Last week, the restaurant assembled a team of local advisors that included a chemistry expert from Northwestern University, a registered dietitian from Thorek Hospital and a staff member from a food-testing laboratory.

    They had to figure out a way to blend the ball’s remains into something that would be safe to eat.

    “Once all the leather and the rubber were removed, we were left with natural fibers,” said Krista Wennerstrom, director of nutrition for Thorek Hospital and a “serious” Cub fan. The fibers were tossed into a big container of beer seasoned with rosemary, thyme, oregano and bay leaves.

    “We boiled it, then it went through a distilling and purifying process,” Wennerstrom said.

    The result was nearly a gallon of a clear, pungent liquid — which was zapped with low-powered laser beams. Finally, it was blended with the restaurant’s regular marinara recipe.

    “The flavor’s a bit on the smoky side,” said Paul Katz, the restaurant’s executive chef.

    The city’s health department gave the all-clear after making sure “there would be no actual horsehide or rubber bits in the sauce,” spokesman Tim Hadac said.

    Cub fans John Perrone and his 20-year-old son, Jeff, drove from northwest Indiana Wednesday to sample the sauce. As they dabbed up the last bits with bread, they said they hoped it would help end the team’s bad luck.

    “It’s ridiculous. But I thought, if it’ll help, what do I have to lose?” said Perrone, 48. “It was pretty good. It didn’t taste like rawhide at all.”

    Katz’s recipe calls for 4 ounces of the ball-flavored juice to every 8 gallons of marinara sauce. Since Monday, he’s used about one-fourth of the “Foul Ball” liquid.

    “It has to be gone before the first tickets go on sale” Friday, DePorter said. “We’ll start adding more to the sauce.”

    baron davis goes to golden state + chris webber traded to 76ers + Nazr goes to the Spurs

  9. shes so cute america. 

    im surrounded by cute girls but she may take the cake.

    still its hard for me not to talk about the most disgusting things while we’re having a romantic italian dinner while sipping on house wine.

    she says she read my post about porn and she says that porn grosses her out more than anything in the world and i say thats interesting because if i hadnt found the Lord i would have definately been the worlds greatest porno director.

    the owner/waiter dude was dressed so well, he gives everyone a free “taste” of wine as a greeting cuz the place is so damn classy. im going to unload my whole bankroll on this girl before the dentist takes it but it doesnt matter. there were little spoiled kids of the rich running around because their parents dont know how to talk with them when the mexican nanny isnt around.

    i say i would come out with a new porn each month. and each month it would be of a different genre. one month a western. a real western. saloon fights, a washed up sherrif, a whore house avec madame, indians who want to invade, rum runners, everything.

    the next month i would come out with a real 75 nurse orgy, where yes there would be 75 nurses in a heap during the spectacular thirty minute finale. all nurse conventions end this way, dont they?

    the next month would feature a spoof on the brady bunch. they werent really brothers and sisters anyway, plus, well, lets just say the phrase “mom always said, dont ball in the house” will get used.

    she plays with her spinach salad not at all impressed by my stream of conscious brilliance and i remember that she meant it when she said that porn disgusts her even though shes never seen one frame of it ever.

    i explain that in a normal porn, if theres a movie called the Pizza Boy, when the dude shows up and the daisy duke wearing co-ed cant seem to find her purse, they get it on. but in a busblog production when they got it on it would be ridiculously well lit and they would suddenly have totally combed hair and pirate costumes and everything would be in slow motion, they would defy gravity, midgets would peek out from the closets and psycedelic trails would emerge from their limbs to symbolize that it was all a dream.

    shes still not convinced and i tell her, i’ll put together a scene for you one day cuz its sorta hard to conceive over dinner.

    she says you do that and orders up some more bread.

    so cute america and not at all the future her parents would have wished for her.

    little did i know but ten minutes later my anestetia would wear off and the rattling that the dentist gave to my head would turn into the most wicked headache that ive ever had, and even though paul westerbergs label put me on the guest list, plus one, i wouldnt be able to even stand being in a coffee bean parking lot, let alone endure the throbbing PA from the cozy rock club.

    so at 9pm we called it a night after i downed three advil and watched Lost.

    at midnight i awoke refreshed and ready to rock

    and grateful for the man or woman who invented drugs.

    cuz sometimes they work.

    and even though LA has looked so bleh lately, this morning it was back to being my lady.

    vivian + elgin roots + whitey + after the debauchery