just because i type in this blog about dating chicks

people think that im not looking for love. they assume that im not just as interested as the next person in marriage and kids and houses and station wagons and braces and recitals and second mortages and little league practices.

the truth of the matter is im not at that stage in my life right now. hell, im just lucky that i even have a valentine tonight.

which i do.

with a virgin.

who made me the sweetest card and left it at my door step

which isnt the best idea because the squirrels could have eaten it.

love knows no age or race or fashion or anything

love comes and goes with the randomness of a butterfly flight pattern, and it’s just as hard to capture.

i dont ask the cheerleaders anymore what astrological sign they are cuz it doesnt matter, i dont ask them what they want in a man cuz everything changes, i dont dwell on their past loves cuz unless every single dude was the same exact type the past is the past is the past is the past.

i asked her the other day to be my valentine and she said k and i asked her if she’d ever had one before and she said no which is normal cuz she hasnt had very much before of anything regarding a boy

which means of course we have to eat at a fancy italian restaurant tonight

even though she said pizza on my couch would be fine

“i dont know why you want to be with me all the time” she giggles but people dont like each other because of the crazy positions they hope to tangle themselves into after desert, people like each other because theres a chemistry there, some hidden forces, some nom de plume, something that makes them giggle.

and afterwards we will stroll and get desert

and then a film in my screening room

and then if im lucky she will let me kiss her.

and if shes lucky i will let her kiss me back.

the other day we were walking past a lingerie shop and i said oh i can see you in that and she said oh no you cant

and i said would you wear something like that for your boyfriend

and she said nope

and i said get out

and she said, seriously, nope.

i was all, you wear less than that cheerleading

she said cheerleading i have nylons and cheer shorts and panties on. three layers.

i was all, sigh, i guess i’ll have to settle for the cheerleader outfit.

and she said, dont hold your breath.

and if i had a nickel for every time a girl said no to me and ultimately did precisely what i had originally asked for, id have enough nickles to get from here to the moon.

i also got her a heart balloon.

JaG + darling maggot + heroine girl + bored housewife + isabella

a famous poet once wrote,

“patience is a virtue/but thrill is what we’re here to do”.

and i can understand why you’d think it necessarry to drag up a slutty dressed girl and her american hero boyfriend especially when the chickie won a grammy ten years ago and the hero dumped his wife girlfriend who was there while he sufferred through his cancer

ok, i cant understand it, cuz really what was the point of all that?

i also cant understand how you can give Led Zeppelin a lifetime acheivement award, which everyone knows is an apology award, a makeup award, an award that says shit we really must suck if led fucking zeppelin can churn out record after record and we were too lame to ever award them a regular grammy

and then not let them on stage during your three and a half hour tv show.

led zeppelin.

the hammer of the gods.

a band who rips farts bigger than maroon 5, and yet they get to go on stage and collect their bullshit

and we wont even talk about john mayer.

yes in a perfect world i would be in charge of the grammys television show and the dude from sugar ray would not be up on stage pointing down to jimi page and john paul jones

the killer, jerry lee jewis, would be on stage receiving his award, and the killers would not be nominated for their trivial pursuits at medicoraty.

U2 would not be allowed to sing their brand new single, a ballad that neither shows the peaks or valleys of the greatest band from ireland, and if they insisted they would be asked to stand down as my chemical romance or the arcade fire would be introduced to the world

or jack white and loretta lynn would get to sing.

i love bono and the boys but do i really need to hear another one of their mumbley also-rans that will not bring down the house, that will be forgotten before its even over, that is nothing more than a backroom deal maker that will guarantee the bands appearance – even though theres no way that u2 wouldnt show up to get their grammy so why bendover backwards to have them sing their commercial.

something tells me the grammys can find someone else to fill that slot.

i liked j.lo i liked green day i liked the mashup intro.

the star of the show, though, was kanye west whose beautifully produced performance was only eclipsed by his heartfelt and defiant acceptance speech.

the lynyrd skynyrd mess was a mess

and almost as embarrassing as what would have happened if they had let ray charles’s manager on stage and not speak.

no more makeup awards. we all loved ray but you dont give a guy all those awards just cuz hollywood made a movie about him and he died.

you give the best records the best awards and when you realize 25 years later, as in the case of zeppelin, that you goofed and never recognized your boys, you pull em on stage and let em rage.

and as much as i love guns n roses, they are not my first choice for the backup band for a fundraising mini we are the world.

bono was wrong. this was not the best grammys. last years was better. even if usher danced his tail off.

any time john mayer wins song of the year over kayne west and/or alecia keys you have a serious problem.

especially when hoobastank is also a nominee.

who even their mommas know dont belong there.

the grammys is one place where you should be able to say, oh yeah that dude really belongs there, and him and him and her and her and them and him and her.


raymi + science blog explains love + via doc searls