1. Sunday, February 27, 2005

    i have to say, 

    i had pretty low expectations for chris rock hosting the oscars this year, but he was totally perfect.

    much sharper and courageous than i expected him to be.

    when chris rock is on a roll theres no one better right now.

    heres the parts of his monologue that went after the president. a tough trick considering how sensitive republicans can get when you criticize dear leader, and double-tough considering how skittish democrats are to attack publicly.

    rock broke it down, laid it out, and delivered it beautifully

    without hate, without anger, with just classic comedy fundamentals.

    A lot of people like to bash Bush. I’m not gonna bash Bush here tonight. I saw ‘Fahrenheit 9/11’, I think Bush is a genius. I thought Bush did some things this year nobody in this room could do. Nobody in this room could pull off.

    Bush basically reapplied for his job this year. Now can you imagine applying for a job, and while you’re applying for that job, there is a movie in every theater in the country that shows how much you suck at that job?” (Laughter)

    I’d be hard to get hired wouldn’t it?

    Now I watched Fahrenheit, I learned some stuff man. Bush did some things you could never get away with at your job, man. Never, ever, ever.

    You know, when Bush got into office he had a surplus of money. Now there’s like a $70 trillion dollar deficit. Now, just imagine you worked at the Gap.(Laughter)

    You’re closing out your register, and there’s $70 trillion dollars short. (Laughter)

    The average person would get in trouble for something like that, right? (Laughter) Not Bush, no. (Laughter-Applause)

    Then he started a war, that’s cool, support the troops, he started a war. Now just imagine you worked at the Gap.(Laughter)

    You’re $70 trillion behind on your register, and then you start a war with the Banana Republic…(Laughter) ’cause you say they got toxic tank-tops over there.(Laughter)

    You have the war. People are dying. A thousand Gap employees dead, that’s right, bleeding all over the khakis.(Laughter)

    You finally take over Banana Republic and you find out, they never made tank-tops in the first place.(Laughter-Applause)

    video of the entire monologue + cheese and crackers oscar roundup + calvin and hobbes archive