1. Thursday, February 10, 2005

    beatiful brown skinned girl came over the other night 

    and i dont remember exactly what we ended up doing but i remember that at the begining i was playing madden 2004 getting my ass kicked by the All Raiders and at the end of it was 24 hours later and i was bald (pictured). yes i have a lil mole.

    somewhere in the middle of it she was cold so i turned on the space heater and brought the boom box in the room and she thought she had a minute or two for me to decide on the all important question of what cd i was going to put in there but ah-ha i fooled her and jumped her and we went at it in the silence so that the neighbors could hear everything.

    and there was plenty to hear.

    then we woke up in the middle of the night grinding and one thing i like about this girl is she doesnt know how to say no and she doesnt ever want to say no and she has never said no to me even though she has said no to pretty much every tommy hillfuckr across this great land but at 4am its just a tease and i told her maybe during the dawns early light and she remembered that and i put in miles’ aura and did what came unnaturally and she whispered that i was the man and i lived up to the hype

    as always

    and when the cd was over we finished and i got up and tossed out the jimmy hat and i looked in the mirror because i knew that it was gonna happen later today and we snuggled up and slept till one thirty.

    ordered pizza watched roger & me did it again and then she said are you ready and i said yes but you cant laugh and she said why would i laugh and i said dont even be happy about it and she got the buzzers and dug in.

    first with the #3 cover and then with no cover at all.

    we put plastic down so we could recover the hair because she had a genius idea the other day and i might still go through with which is to auction the fro for charity and while she was shaving it off i watched shelby lynne and liz phair on the directv freeview and she asked me which charity i would give the money to.

    i thought about the united negro college fund but then i remembered about the time i had to take a pretty blonde girl to the hollywood free clinic because a condom broke and we needed the morning after pill and the only place that didnt dick us around was the hollywood free clinic and i remember sitting in the waiting room with all the sad people of hollywood and how they didnt have many video tapes for the people to watch as they freaked out for all the various reasons that they were in the hollywood free clinic. and the blonde girl was freaking out so much that in the middle of her exam she had to come out to the waiting room to sit with me and she was so pale from fear and i held her hand and told her it was gonna be ok and there was a disney film in there and we watched it and i thought fuck disney and how they stole all the fairy tales and made them theirs. no creativity. no soul. fuck disney.

    but everything worked out and now every time i go past the hollywood free clinic i put a movie through their mail slot and try to build to their video tape collection.

    and before i knew it i was bald and the hottie was telling me how adorable i was and she took all these pictures and she begged me to smile but i was tired and drunk and tired and i always look like an idiot when i smile for the birdie.

    then she had to go to a goth club and left me and i tried to work on lick but i was exhausted from all the lustin and i ate a cold slice of za and laid down in front of the tv and fell asleep and woke up during weekend vibe and then went over to splinkys site which if she deletes any of the good shit that shes written this weekend will be a crying shame cuz its super good.

    and now im watching an old saturday night live during the era when eddie murphy, brad hall and that chick from seinfeld were on the cast and all the phones they are using have cords and my kids will probably never see a few things in their day: modems, phones with cords, and me with a fro.

    write hard + tiffany + jaime