1. Wednesday, March 2, 2005

    amazing race 

    season seven
    cbs, tuesdays @ 9pm

    not that the amazing race needed to change anything, but in order to get some fence sitters off the fence, as was my case, the jerry bruckheimer emmy winning gameshow hired Boston Rob and his fiance Amber from survivor to compete. brilliant idea.

    during last night’s first episode of the season, the pair were definately the odd-couple-out. since they had already won fame and fortune on that other cbs reality game show, nobody wanted them to win and consipired against them. miraculously rob and amber did wonderfully despite their lackidazically still-in-love style.

    heres their competiton:

    the brentwood babes also known as the “lifelong friends”. these cute chickies won the race yesterday due to their familiarity with the spanish language – a plus. however their little meltdown with the llamas showed signs that under pressure, they just might crack. plus one of them is named bianca and biancas who give air kisses are probably not going to win the grueling nature of the amazing race.

    the gay guys, who at every step try to remind us that theyre gay. but theyre nice enough to deal with and cbs hasnt shown them full on making out (yet) so i would imagine that even the most homophobic out there can deal with them. although one of them doesnt even seem all that gay and i have a feeling that maybe hes just faking it to get on tv. would one do such a thing? probably not. either way their chances to win are pretty low. i saw no magic in their first race.

    the sweet old couple. for some reason they keep putting old people in these types of reality shows. maybe because that one woman won survivor way back when, but in truth she wasnt any retiree like both of these nice folks are. they cant run fast, they cant lift things, but they did a spectacular job of herding the llamas so maybe there are more suprises in store for us. grampa’s name is Meredith which provides a great drinking game of taking a swig every time someone calls the nice old dude by his girlie name. think of a new game soon cuz these coots wont be around long either. so to speak

    the hot blondes aka the bims. i know i know, fake boobs and blonde hair doesnt necessarily mean that youre not all that bright, but these women are not all that bright, however theyre easy on the eyes and they love to wear the tightest of clothes so i will be pulling for them, so to speak. however take a picture as it will last longer than these two who barely didnt lose last night.

    the pissed off dude team. last seasons angry dude was such a basketcase that he and his woman found themselves on Dr. Phil. this season’s a-hole doesnt even have a shred of possibility of redemption. last night as his on-again off-again girlfriend was choking while carrying a basket full of weed his words of wisdom didnt go further than “suck it up”. when they found out they hadnt lost and they were going to go to the next round his first words? “we could have done better,” and stared her down in front of the host. we can only hope that he steps in some lava in a few weeks.

    america’s team. nobody likes “america’s team”s. less like self proclaimed ones. she is a former miss south carolina, he is a former iraq war p.o.w. shes as smart as a former miss carolina and he’s a war hero who i wont knock. however, if there werent so many inept contestants in this race americas team would have lost immediately.

    the dudes. if rob and amber have to watch their back with any team it’s the handsome brothers who have no apparent flaws other than being too nice with the blondes. theyre not super smart but theyre not super dumb either. theyre strong, full of energy, and work decently together. theyre the male version of the brentwood babes. how can you root for the educated, handsome white dudes? you cant, so dont.

    the gay guy and his mom. hes gay and quietly scheming. shes a mom and quitely scheming. he doesnt like rob and amber at All and she doesnt like anyone. she even claims that its ok to lie to win. nice going, mom.

    the black team. you know i have love for my people. sadly reality shows rarely have love for my people. amazing race have usually found decent african americans to participate. one couple even won. these two wont. they wont even come close. i would be suprised if they get lost before they make it to the next race. it’s so very sad. next time hire OJ and kato as a team. or michael jordan and charles barkley. or todd bridges and gary coleman. if youre going to portray us as dim, at least make it funny.

    like they did with the fat good ole boys who lost last night while being totally charming and lovable.

    21mm + dave navarro + anti + simpleton