1. Thursday, March 24, 2005

    ive made even more mistakes in my life 

    america.

    todays tale involves tiffany k. hotchick who turned twenty one years young yesterday in the quaint tourist town of firenze, italy.

    i first became aware of tiffany (pictured, right) when she was but nineteen years old.

    im not sure if she found me or i found her but when we found each other it was love love love.

    i said baby youre it. she said no way, youre it.

    we chatted from time to time and wrote cute little emails to each other and before I knew it I was saying things like, you really should have a blog where you post some of your more sexy adventures and thoughts, and before I knew it she had done just that.

    i linked it but no one noticed. just like how noone noticed all the hundreds of times ive linked her stopheart.diaryland blog which she has dutifully updated regularly over the last two years. beautifully.

    one fortunate day she gave me her phone number and we talked and she wasn’t the sassy lass from Burbank, indeed, she was shy and softspoken and dare I say timid.

    and one day we met. and it was i who was shy.

    in person tiffany is taller than youd imagine. gorgeously so. shes also darker and hotter. and we wont even begin to discuss her eyes.

    for once it was me who was shaking on my couch, not the girl. me. it didnt help that she smiled and looked at my quiverring hands and laughed at me.

    somehow we muddled through.

    the whole time she was asking me how old i was. i told her i was 109. she laughed and said, no really. i said if you come back next week and let me hold your hand then i will tell you. and being good to her word, the next week she came over and let me hold her hand, which was quite wonderful, friends, and i pulled out my drivers license and she examined it carefully and removed her hand from my grasp and excused herself.

    forever.

    i totally understood. this was a girl so young she never knew a world with phone cords. she never knew what it was like not to have 100 tv channels, email, or flying cars.

    she took her long legs, tanned from surfing at irvine out of my old man’s hollywood apartment and marched out.

    we remained friends and one day she sent me a picture of her in a winter coat. it was so hot i told her that she would be the first Lick cover girl and i came out with the sex drugs rock webzine for two reasons: to have her on the cover, and to have a place where she and other women could post stories anonymously that they wouldnt feel comfortable posting on their personal blogs.

    over the years tiffany would come over to my house a few more times. once she and her best friend terra came over after a night of clubbing. once they came over before a night of partying. once they came over to celebrate my birthday.

    in a perfect world i would be in florence today celebrating her twenty first birthday with her as thats the town that i had my twenty first birthday, many moons ago. we could split a bottle of vino (or a 40), down some pasta and puke at the feet of the fake davids outside of a pallazzo.

    like young americans truly representing.

    happy birthday tiffany, in any language, the epitome of what is right with the future of america.

    <3 tiffany <3 + i have a habit of missing her birthday + her buzznet page