1. Monday, March 7, 2005

    people are all, how can you not blog about work? 

    dont you get pissed off sometimes and just want to vent? dont you get frustrated and just want to talk hella shit? dont you just wanna tell your little victim story about how people dont respect you and dont listen and how youre great and theyre dumb and then have all your readers agree with you?

    and i tell em it’s easy not to blog about work. just like it’s easy not to say oh man look at that hottie, when youre holding your girlfriend’s hand. you can think it, you can say it later to your buddy, but only an idiot would actually write it in his blog, even if his blog says “nothing in here is true”.

    besides, the xbi is an oasis of enlightenment. people love me and respect me and appreciate the fact that ive been here for close to four years now and have culled some sort of expertise in my field. they listen closely when i say things and they reward my vision with compliments and support. i have no complaints about this place whhich is why ive stayed here for so long.

    dont you think a guy like me has been approached by tons of companies who could use an eternally optimistic superhero who can communicate well, make people laugh, and spot problems before they become problems, and put out fires as they happen while staying cool under pressure? of course. and people throw money at me and i throw it right back. money. who needs it. its not freedom, its slavery.

    freedom is having a lifestyle so bare bones that you’re not bound to any one source of income to live comfortably.

    but the thing is, we as humans are addicted to self-induced enslavements. mortgates, marriages, car loans, long term contracts, leases, payment plans. i didnt need to make this swedish girl my girlfriend, but i did. why? because i too paint myself into ridiculous corners that prevent me from being completely free.

    ich bein ein berliner.

    about six months ago this dude emailed me three or four sentences saying that he wanted to put four words on my blog and in return he would pay me an undisclosed amount of money. all i would have to do is link from those words to his web site and he would pay me all the money up front via paypal. the only thing i would have to do was keep my blog up for six months.

    and even though i had no plans to stop the bus, when i accepted his proposal i did get a little twinge that was all, “shit, what if i want to shut it down for a few months and run away to my desert hideaway and lay low, i cant because i made a promise to that dude.”

    i had the same weird feeling when i signed the contract with Project DU to keep their button over there on the left side. i was all, the money is nice, but there goes a little bit of freedom. all cuz of money.

    now there are other people approaching me. theyre promising money too. i cant tell you what they want me to do for this money but its all legal and legit and im actually, for once, qualified to do the job that they want.

    this weekend i procrastinated doing it. and the only reason that i can figure out is because even though working at the xbi is a have-to (“i have to go to work”) and these other things are get-to (“i get to do cool shit for money”), i am fiendish about my freedoms. and sure the trade off is if i stay so hard headed i will never have a house or a car or probably a family, but i will have my freedom.

    the other day hunter s. thompson blew his head off. ten years ago one of my other heroes, mr kurt kobain blew his head off too. both of those dudes seemingly had lots of money, and seemingly the freedom to tell people to fuck off if they wanted to. not to mention the fact that they were respected and could have written about work if they wanted. and still they checked out. the question of course is why. why would they do that. id suggest that its cuz they felt obligated to something that they didnt want to do any more. more specific than just “life”.

    kurdt obviously was obligated to be the voice of his generation. which sucks. nobody wants that. and he was obligated to front the coolest band in grunge. and he had to slam dance that fine line between punk rock and pop. selling out and keeping it real. plus he married that crazy woman. plus she had a kid. plus his stomach hurt and his drug addiction. but still there was something that was stopping him from going to hawaii and chilling out. was it his obligation to the needle? was he a slave to the drug? perhaps. then what was hunters problem?

    all i know is theres some major crime to fight today and i wanted to say hey and wish you all a happy monday and tell you that a week from today im going to be in austin texas at sxsw. an obligation that to be honest, id rather not do because im a homebody, but i realize that sometimes you have to get out of your little house in the bottom of your tree and go out and have an adventure.

    the trick is convincing yourself that its a get to, and not a have to.

    even if it is.

    halley + literally speaking + darling maggot