i keep telling this big time magazine

that they really dont want to know what bloggers are like on the other side of the screen,

that even santa claus loses his charm when you remove his uniform and present him out of context.


not really agreeing with me. they just always write in all caps cuz theyre dumb.

they want me to intervew a half dozen big time bloggers and find out what makes them tick, what they think makes a good blog, what advice they’d have for new bloggers

all that regular crap.

i told them that ive been interviewed a zillion times and never has it ever turned out the way that ive wanted it to, that people just cant get a good snapshot of a good blogger because good bloggers should be like good fastballs – always moving, always unpredictable, always insanely aggressive.

they were all we will pay your rent for next month if you can get us what we’re looking for.

yawn. the old tempt-me-with-money ploy. dont they know that doesnt work on some people?

so i look to you, dear readers.

if you were flipping through a sunday magazine in one of your newspapers and you saw that 5-10 influential bloggers were being interviewed, what would you want them to talk about?

what would you be interested in finding out abuot them?

do you really care what inspired them to blog? does that even matter? do we care that lance armstrong started riding ten speeds cuz his older brothers did?

do you care about design tips?

about this fake debate between blogger and moveable type?

do you care about ways to get more hits? do you even believe that its possible to follow some sort of formula to get hits?

should political bloggers be ignored because all that shit ever boils down to is red ants and black ants?

i want to write this article but i want to do it for the wrong reasons. i want to do it because i know that if i dont i will wake up one sunday and read it and say “why on earth did they pick *those* bloggers?”

and “god those are the same lame predictable questions that lead to the same lame predictable answers.”

so what questions should i ask these people if i accept this mission

and what insights are you looking for in bloggers of 2005?

raymi + brooks + luke ford + terra

hot chick was over my house last night.

my tivo was fucked so she drove me over to the dudes house.

because shes the sweetest girl ever she agreed to pick up a friend of her brothers who happened to live near my hollywood bungalow. so on the way to the tivo dudes house her brothers friend started going off on these monologues as if he had been saving it up all day.

everyone needs but a few connections, he said.

you need your computer dude, your drug dude, your mechanic, your doctor, your dentist,

and now it looks like you need your tivo dude.

i added that its also nice to have a lawyer.

the hot chick squeezed my hand.


so i also said aloud, for the record, and a stewardess kissbuddy.

she smiled.

the dude lit a little one hitter and offered it my way.

since im straight edge i shook him off.

she took a hit though and he went off on his tangents.

normally i would have been annoyed but i tuned him out and looked at this chick and she saw me looking at her and smiled and i looked in the passengers side mirror and i thought what on earth am i doing with this hot babe.

how have i gotten any of these chicks.

and look at this girl taking me to get my tivo fixed.

hollywood can get suprisingly nippy on these spring evenings but we kept the top down anyway and her brothers friend’s jibberjab got beat down from the wind.

she doesnt like public displays of affection so i put a shawl over her right leg and across the armrest and over my left leg and i held her hand

as the stars streaked across the stratosphere

and led zeppelin three massaged the speakers

our girl had never heard this classic gem.

bros bro said no way

she said yes way

shes hawaiian and only so much made it to her side of the island

the backseat said i bet you ten bucks they hire that nazi youth to be the next pope.

i was all make it twenty and youve got a bet, no way would the catholic church, in the shadow of the biggest child molestation scandal of all time, hire a nazi to be pope. they’ll get a black or a latin.

he coughed and said we voted for the kid of a nazi police chief to be governor.

i was like yeah and hows that working out for us?

and today i got into the office, saw that they were putting new wiring in chopper one,

turned on the idiot box and saw that im gonna not only have to cross paths again with that weirdo

but now i owe him twenty bucks.

albino brain chiggers + frozen toothpaste + the keeze + alecia