1. Friday, April 15, 2005

    after we talked, kurt and i stopped talking. 

    i forgot to tell you that the whole time we were talking we were eating this sticky carmel stuff that we were sitting on.

    it didnt smell that gross and it tasted ok and we were both starving like crazy and i could hear him eating it so i started eating it too.

    most people dont know this about me but my stomach is pretty crazy. kurt used to have the same problem, before he blew his fool head off.

    my stomach will hurt like a bitch if i put anything in there that it doesnt agree with, but as i have grown older it has gotten better.

    i think it has to do with this natural herb that i was prescribed back in college.

    i forget what its called.

    anyway now if i eat something that doesnt agree with me it will either shoot right through me and come out one end, or i’ll get super sick and puke it up immediately.

    this carmel stuff didnt make me puke or the other thing, but i started seeing weird colors and thinking bizarre thoughts.

    everything had to be tied together in some way.

    my line of thinking normally wanders any old which way but after i had a few handfulls of this almost peanut buttery gunk i was trippin pretty hard.

    i heard kurt snoring somewhere over there and i figured we were dead anyway so what the hell.

    then it felt like the walls were getting closer.

    then it felt like someone turned up the heat up in this piece.

    then it felt like someone turned up the air conditioner full blast.

    then i saw little sparkely stars in the blackness.

    then i could swear that i heard someone saying my name.

    then i could swear that i could hear an angel and God talking about how disappointed they were in me.

    then i could swear that i could hear the angel say that they could reassign my soul to the body of a lightskinned black man who would grow up and work for the secret angel-led undercover crime fighting unit called the xbi.

    then i could swear that the good Lord said that He didnt think that i had what it took.

    then i could swear that the angel said that they would make it so that i wouldnt be able to feel any pain because i really would still be dead.

    then i heard the good Lord chuckle.

    then i heard the angel chuckle.

    then they both started laughing.

    then they either high- or low-fived, it was dark, i couldnt see shit but weird colors.

    then i got punched in the nose and i passed out.

    jim gilliam + ben loves music + leah + what the fukc