1. Monday, April 18, 2005

    bunny k mcintosh showed up to hollywood 

    wearing striped socks, a puffy minishirt and two necklaces equipped with crosses.

    she and big tanky had just become ordained ministers.

    to celebrate we were to eat thai food because tanky likes side dishes.

    palms thai was packed because elvis was in the building, and toi on vine was closed for some reason, so we ended up at rock n roll toi on sunset where it turned out that we didnt have any side dishes what so ever, unless you count some hot cuban girl who showed up just in time for the after meal beer.

    she was scheduled to meet her movie star friends in silverlake around 10pm so we said hey we were gonna head that way ourselves, how about we have a drink and a quick peek at some stippers over at cheetahs?

    because she is a wonderful woman she thought that was the greatest idea in the world. which of course it was and not only did she come with us to the other side of hollywood but she spent all night with us there.

    which was interesting because unbeknownst to us, hollywood had recently passed some legistlation making it illegal to show your ta tas in a strip club enviornment, especially one like cheetahs which makes a very good living selling alcohol.

    because i had gotten a few beers in me at toi and because i had bunny tanky and the cuban girl to keep me entertained, not to mention the pleasant company of hewhocannotbenamed who i didnt know was hewhocannotbenamed because nobody told me, i didnt notice that the strippers werent actually stripping until about a half hour into the drinking.

    it didnt matter. tons of strippers strolled by our booth and flirted with the girls even though i was the one totally willing to infuse their dying business with some hard earned support visa vee a lap dance or three.

    oddly my andrew jacksons and i were completely secondary to these strippers who felt up all the girls at the table, who allowed themselves to be felt up by the girls at the tables, and who refused when i offered to buy them a few drinks.

    all they wanted to do was hang out with the hot bloggers and practice their booty shaking moves. including a braces-bedecked young black girl who swore she was born in ’84 but looked 14.

    i was all, if i get a lap dance from her am i a pediphile? and everyone said oh hell yes, and a gay one.

    so me and a famous tv star played a game of pool and talked about these recent ordinances and hopefully he has some pull down at city hall.

    when i got back to the booth there were new chicks talking with the ladies and they were laughing and drinking and not at all trying to hustle people for lap dances or anything, they just wanted to party and have a good time.

    finally i said, you girls are just dying to get naked for us, arent you?

    oh my god yes, they said. falling out of their hot outfits.

    who do i write to help you, i asked, but they didnt know. youd think strippers would know who’s keeping them from making money but strangely they dont. odder still, all of them are still showing up to work. we got there around 9:30p and it was pretty empty but by 10:30p the place was packed and not too many people seemed to mind either that they werent getting naked.

    which tells you that even in east hollywood sometimes just having sexy chicks walking around half naked and grinding around is quite nice.

    and theres nothing like seeing two strippers sitting down at one of those sit down ms pacman games with their legs crossed drinking champagne next to an atm.

    bunny mcintosh + big tanky + hewhocannotbenamed + more pics