1. Thursday, April 21, 2005

    every day karisa IMs me and asks me what i did last night. 

    and every day i say thought of you and then passed out.

    but the truth is every day i get home, check the voice mails, get the mail, check on the plants, close the drapes, put on my sweat suit, put on the ipod and take a quick run around the hood.

    then i get home, do some curls, shower, and i put on my pajamas.

    maybe i’ll pour myself a tall sip of rum and i’ll toss something in the microwave and flip through the tivo.

    sometime before 8pm the phone will stop ringing. i really dont like to be on the phone after 8pm and people are starting to catch on. ive even started getting in the habit of keeping my answering machine near full so that i can only get one or two messages per day.

    the thing is, when youre an xbi agent flying chopper one and shooting at bad guys youre ON for 8-10 hours. always talking, always thinking, always running, adreneline pumping the whole time.

    then because im a dumbass, during my breaks at work im blogging, so i really dont have any downtime, per se, for my mind.

    thats what the evenings are for.

    typically i will turn on howard stern, flip on the computer and check my fantasy baseball and basketball stats. hoops just ended so now i only have to concern myself with my 12 baseball leagues. half of which i commish.

    it seems like a lot but its not. once you know the 700 major leaguers its all about getting the good ones on your teams.

    about a half hour after the microwave dings i remember that i put food in there so i get up and eat my cold food and drink a diet cola.

    last night the hawaiian girl was over. she was experiencing menstrual cramps. i was all, wheres your pussy pills? she was all excuse me? i was like your midol your alleve your demoral?

    she was all, i didnt think i was due for this for another week. its at home. i got up and went to the medicine cabinet.

    every bachelor should stock their pads with a variety of feminime products. we’ve discussed this. im talking pads, ‘pons, pills, combs, toothbrushes, clean pajamas, face cream, cotton balls (i still dont know what women do with these, but whatev), shampoo, conditioner, clean towels, clean sheets, etc

    she was all, no no no, i’ll just go home, i cant drive if i take an alleve.

    i was like, i know. and i winked.

    i suck at winking and she left.

    karisa (not pictured) meanwhile was dancing on the tables at a swanky club in west hollywood.

    she lives in the hollywood hills. i live in the hollywood hills. and yet our lives couldnt be more different, and we never see each other.

    each chat begins with an i miss you and ends with a lets do laundry next week.

    in a perfect world she would be writing this blog and telling you about the super cool shit that she does every day.

    ok, my break is over, back to the stakeout in watts.

    above photo of ashley’s sister + sk smith + stag + annika