1. Tuesday, May 31, 2005

    as you know this 

    is ass awareness month here on the busblog and since the month is nearly over, heres your ass update.

    the doctor called at nine am this morning. murphys law since i didnt get to sleep till five am. four hours is perfect. thats all a man needs.

    he says, drink four tablespoons of milk of magnesium and get an enema kit.

    he says, have you eaten anything yet? good. just liquids.

    i was all, so you want me to drink the milk of magnesia and do the enema?

    he was all, drink the magnesium and we’ll do the enema here.

    dont get old, kids.

    i was all, ok, i’ll be there at two pm.

    he was all, how about one pm.

    i was like fine, one pm.

    ive said it before i’ll say it again everythings negotiable in hollywood. ask the virgins.

    so i went outside and walked over to the mom and pop mini market. its not a real mini market. you can tell it was never intended to be a mini market.

    a dude was sitting on a metal chair. he had a hat on. you never know if theyre filming anything here or youre being punk’d but you just play along.

    i went in there circled around the row and asked the chair guy, do you have any milk of magnesia. he pointed. all they had was a huge container that looked like a quart of oil. ten bucks the cashier dude told me. plus tax. he was on the phone. pinatas hanging right above him.

    and i got home and unwrapped it. a little cup was in there that seemed way more than four tablespoons. and i drank it and it was gross and i thought pretend youre on survivor. swallow it and stick your tounge out at jeff probst.

    all of this so a guy can stick a camera up my ass.

    so far my memory has failed me nearly twice. im such a creature of habit ive already put a bagel in the toaster and poured cereal into a bowl completely forgetting that i cant eat anything.

    the first time i had to drink something like this was when i had a kidney stone and after it passed the doc made me drink some crappy crap and the next day he was going to make me drink a fluid which would show up in an xray. for some reason i thought the laxitive was going to make me uncontrolably xpell. is this gross enough for you. but it didnt and in a strange way i was somewhat disappointed. all it did was churn my stomach like i had eaten an old bowl of tom kha kai soup.

    and with that we conclude ass month

    rabbit blog + gorilla mask + buy me some peanuts