1. Monday, May 23, 2005

    dear carlos zambrano, 

    first lets discuss the item in yesterdays paper:

    Not-OK computer: Cubs tell Zambrano to cut back on use

    (AP) May 22 Cubs right-hander Carlos Zambrano has been told to cut back on his computer time because the hours he’s spending typing could be contributing to his elbow problems.

    Zambrano said he had been logging about four hours a day communicating via e-mail with his brother.

    “I have to spend one hour and take it easy,” Zambrano said.

    Zambrano looked fine Saturday, allowing just one hit in seven innings against the White Sox.

    “It’s not carpal tunnel, but if you don’t watch it, who knows what it can lead to? We are trying to alleviate it,” Cubs manger Dusty Baker said.

    The Cubs were told after Zambrano had to leave his May 14 start against Washington early with a sore elbow that was the result of a non-pitching condition and activity. So they also told Zambrano to lighten up on his batting practice.

    “I feel completely healthy,” Zambrano said.

    perhaps you dont understand whats happening in the world of sports right now.

    the nba playoffs? fuck the nba playoffs. why do i care about a bunch of pot smoking wannabe gangstas and wiggas with thyroid issues driving down the lane when the lakers arent involved?

    football? fuck football.

    hockey? soccer? any of those other ultra gay sports that have no relevance in the big picture and will be forgotten before the spaceship ever takes us home.

    theres only one sport in the world and its called getting the cubs into the world series and then winning it.

    you arent fucking typing any four hours long to your brother carlos zambrano. i know what youre doing, and its not editing the closed captioning of t&a shows or scheduling production rooms or knocking out one of the most overrated blogs in showbiz.

    and i dont care what youre doing on your laptop. all i know is its getting in the way of the only important sport, and the job that pays you millions and millions.

    im unemployed carlos zambrano. if i worked for a historic ballclub who hadnt tasted the ultimate of successes since 1908

    and if i had the chance to help them get there and they were paying me millions

    and if the entire city if not the world would be better off if i threw my laptop out of the fucking window and just worked on how i could be the best pitcher i would be, guess what, id cancel my aol in espanol like you oughtta be doing el pronto.

    are all baseball players completely insane?

    if my application to michael jackson for the job of yelling wtf any time he shares a bed with a young boy comes back unaccepted im going to apply to be your personal typist mr carlos zambrano because unlike you i am completely committed to having the cubs win the world series before i leave this toilet earth.

    i will learn spanish if i have to, or any time your brother emails you i will look up the spanish translation of call carlos on his phone fool and email him back for you.

    the cubs visit los angeles one week from today for a three game series with the dodgers

    gorilla mask links to regular girls peeing outside + christie + ciavarro + accordion guy