was woken at noonthirty by ms karisa j who wanted to know if i was interested in working at her company. i said would it mean that i get to see you every day and she said yes so i said yes but i have learned to ask for incredibly difficult terms.
one, karisa must pick me up and drive me home each day, two i must never be asked to wear a suit and if i must for each day that i am asked to wear a suit i need to have a day off the very next day to recover, the same way some baseball players wont play a day game right after a night game, far too taxing on the knees.
and i must be allowed to change my name to his excellency.
and i would like a very heavy stapler.
people ask why i endured what i had to go through in my last job and now that i have a little distance from it i see that one of the reasons was i had a very good solid deceptively heavy stapler. it gave me hope. it gave me security. it allowed me to staple like a man and it didnt ask questions afterwards. it was ugly and mean and would never be misunderstood as a sissy. john woo wanted to order an electric stapler cuz it would have been funny to have one, but i wouldnta ever used it.
all those years my mans man of staplers never jammed. and i did some stapling.
believe it or not, true story, but once someone even judged my stapling. i was all what!
i know. crazy.
people watch tv all day long and little do they know that behind the scenes people are criticising the way a man staples. i believe the issue at hand was vertical as opposed to my trademarked diagonal, which im certain became the industry standard years ago.
speaking of the dark ages, ive turned my apartment upside down so i can find a stamp. another reason i loved e! was there is a secret tiny us post office in the lobby of the building across the courtyard. rarely a line, always friendly service, and one of the big reasons why my last blook was so successful. if i ever needed to ship a book out pronto i just swiveled to a drawer of books, signed it, printed out the pay pal USPS prepaid priorty mail label and walked across the courtyard to the post office.
and if i ever needed a stamp, there they were.
the hollywood bungalow that i write you from this friday afternoon is near no post offices. and now i realize i need two stamps.
yes, this will be the toughest challenge that i meet today
since the internal debate between sandals and sneakers has been decided since i cant find my pumas.
did i tell you that a beautiful girl from virgina is comeing to my house very soon?
did i tell you i bought the juliette lewis and the licks cd yesterday after star wars.
did i tell you that someone from blogebrity contacted me adn they are actually a real thing?
im not sure i want to work at the beach. in the summer. even with karisa. how crazy is that.
these virgins are sucking the sense right out of my head arent they.