busblog

nothing in here is true

  1. Thursday, June 30, 2005

    guest blogger: JK Johnson 

    cartoonish

    i live in the middle of the bible belt. born and bred.

    i popped out at the hospital located right next to the conservative college that i go to now.

    a college where w stickers outnumber any other type of sticker on vehicles.

    where when you ask pretty girls why they are voting for bush, it’s either because of abortion or gay rights or daddy told them too, and daddy would never lie to them.

    they want suv’s and say what the hell are mp3s?

    plez is the name. operation tennessee freedom is my game.

    before i get off the bus: small world, isn’t it. i had a speech class this summer and the professor was originally from cali. he moved here in the eighties when his brother signed with the tennessee volunteers to play quarterback. many around here remember that quarterback’s nickname: “same ol’story” alatorre.

    the class format was spectacular. our daily assignment was to interview one person in the class per day over twenty two days. we could not ask filler questions or the same question twice, meaning that excellent gems like “define god” or “have you ever
    considered actually killing yourself?” were forced to come into play. one girl, a blonde super hottie from new york, told me about life in the apple. she hates it and is never going back. another girl from around here had just returned from china, hated it, and felt that all buddhists were going to hell—period—and that jesus would not tolerate their religion. most amazingly i met and became friends with an actual
    chinese fellow who had just moved here from beijing. Talk about culture shock: this is one of the most boring towns in the planet and he had never been anywhere else besides smack dab in the middle of the heart of the communist order. he is one of the friendliest people i have ever met and I am now considering moving to china to teach conversational english.

    he feels that our definition of communism is not the same as their definition of communism.

    he openly disagrees with many of china’s past policies, but begs for me to realize that mistakes can be made on both sides of the ocean.

    he says anyone can run for office and be in the government but no political parties besides communism, thanks. Oh, and they have to have money and know the right people. imagine that.

    meeting people like this just isn’t common ‘round here. this is a back country—rarely do such opportunities come up. there are no excellent bars or clubs. the one bar that resembles an excellent bar or club is not somewhere you really want to go.

    i got to express my views in my speeches as well. in one of them, my side was advocating human genetic cloning (stem cells stuff) a transcript of my closing argument:

    i am amazed at how so many people feel that they know god’s exact intentions. rarely do some of these people ever stop and look at where they are or where they’re at. rarely do some of these people look at earth as god’s canvas or god’s promise.

    yet consider with me for a moment if you will the possibility that god wanted us to create a heaven on Earth. science exists on earth because god put it here. science exists because god created it. As people, we have the possibility—the ability—to make the human experience—life itself—better, safer, longer, more secure, more loving—for ever individual person on this earth. some will say that we are trying to play god. i say to them, we are using what god has given us to use.

    the jury was our classmates. our team lost.

    dc + verbungle + nickerblog + sk smith

  2. war of the worlds 

    a huge bouncy castle
    starring dakota fanning, tim robbins, and tom cruise
    directed by steven spielberg

    tom is making a fool of himself right now and maybe its because hes in love, maybe its because hes pretending like hes in love, maybe its cuz hes going through a midlife crisis due to the fact that he looks quite young for his age (56) and for the first time in his life has to play the role of a father of an alleged teenage boy who looks like hes in college.

    maybe hes making a fool of himself because he really believes that the aliens are coming down to eat us. maybe he doesnt know that its just a radio show.

    and then maybe hes not the fool, maybe we are. his fingers smell of katie holmes dont they. dont they?

    even if they dont he has one thing going for him, he knows how to get into the right movies and directed by the right directors at the right time. every single one of the movies that he has been in has been a hit except one. lets go down the list: endless love, taps, the outsiders, losin it, risky business, all the right moves, legend, top gun, the color of money, cocktail, young guns, rain man, born on the fourth of july, far and away, a few good men, the firm, interview with the vampire, mission impossible, jerry mcguire, eyes wide shut, magnolia, mi2, vanilla sky, monority report, the last samurai, collatoral, and now war of the worlds. amazing.

    especially since hes not that great of an actor and much of his popularity has been, in my opinion, due to the fact that he was in these dynamite movies that rose to their heights, in many cases, despite him, or because of other people in the film.

    he has always been stiff he has always been unlikeable and in his best films we are happy when terrible shit happens to him.

    without spoiling any part of this classic remake lets pretend that in war of the worlds the aliens are coming the aliens are coming and you know what if they get anyone i want them to get tom cruise and i bet im not alone.

    who didnt love in vanila sky when his face turned hideous? who didnt love in risky business when his porsche fell into lake michigan? who didnt love it when in jerry mcguire cuba gooding jr made him his little bitch? dance white boy, squirm, and in this movie, run.
    i love steven speilberg because he isnt afraid to put his characters into great harm, and oftentimes this means loveable characters, and in my favorite examples it means children.

    jurrasic park for many years was my favorite movie of all time because speilberg had me believe for a quick second that he was going to show one of those big ass dinosaurs eat a little kid.

    perhaps you remember the scene. a trex had pinned either the boy or the girl i forget in the explorer and the only thing between the child and the dinosaur was the cracked sunroof that was being held up by the young person as he cowered.

    part of me was all no dont eat him and part of me was all speilberg is going to establish ruthlessness by making the dinosaur eat that kid, what an amazingly brilliant evil genius.

    enter wide eyed and precosious dakota fanning who is on her way to being so incredibly annoying that she too is being saved by all these great films she finds herself in.

    the trick of a good director is to make us root for these somewhat unlikeable overly rehearsed over-actors even when the dinosaur is about to do precisely what in any other situation we want him to do: eat the rich.

    tom cruise is far from likeable in this movie and dakota is intentionally annoying and it only adds to the tension that is deliciously thick in speilbergs best film since schindlers list.

    make no mistake this is a steven speilberg scifi horror suspense war film. its masterful and creepy and not in the slightest bit tailormade for cruise. if you ask me mel gibson would have been better cast in the lead. but he muscles his way through every scene with the cruisian stiffness we’ve grown used to.

    because it really is part war film, there was an opportunity with tim robbins character that speilberg could have very easilly slid in a few lines about the nature of war, the nature of violence, and the paradox that as long as there is life there will be beings who want to bring death through war and violence, it could have given this film a human heart that it never finds in cruise, the star.

    it could have been as simple as a tag line from either cruise or robbins delivered like eastwood along the lines of “everyone wants someone to die”, but like most special effects films, dialogue takes a back seat to spectacle, which is top notch and disturbing.

    two thumbs up.

    caitlin + fil + flagrant + leah

  3. a year ago 

    today

    danielle (not pictured) said lets blow this taco stand and i said i dont have any more c4. she said no, i mean lets make like a tree and get the fuck outta here. i was all language madame! she was all vous les vous couchez avec moi c’est saw. i was all c’est saw? she was all, can we please have lunch now?

    so we cruised over to the new thai place at the strip mall on crescent heights and it was valet only and she doesnt let anyone driver her benz cept me. so we rolled. then we went over to the grove and at lunchtime traffic and parking was a bitch. youd think it was christmas.

    then we cruised down beverly and she found some “cute” restaurants, which obviously means the food is great. but we got swooped from our meter parking spot and danielle pounded on her steering wheel cursing the good lord. i was all easy on the blasphemy baby. and she was all, where is your god? where! where!!!!?

    and i said hes at kfc whipping up some popcorn chicken and she said fine.

    i was all, what are you going to get there.

    she said nothing!

    i was like, you have to get something, its lunch, we’ve spent a half hour driving. get a salad.

    no.

    get a ear of corn.

    no!

    get a thing of mashed potatoes or mac n sleeze.

    hell no!

    and she didnt. we drove thru, got my deal and she huffed.

    i was all, i cant eat this with you sitting there all pissed. lets go to the dog.

    so we went to black dog and there she stood in line for another 10 minutes longer than normal and i swore she was either going to throw a chair through the plate glass window or cry.

    so when she marched to the car i said lets do a quickie little photo shoot

    and that cured her.

    baby bee + annika + kevin whipps

  4. chad from chokey chicken wins the secret prize 

    of a mystery box from the busblog prize closet which includes a busblog tshirt, a data dvd of porn, and a copy of the BlackSmiths cd among other valueable items. chad wins because he was the first person to take a picture of himself with his Tsar cd, which recently got this review on Amazon dot com

    Best Album Ever Recorded in the History of Music, June 30, 2005
    Literally, we have been waiting for this album for years. Figuratively, this is the album we have been waiting for our entire lives. Tsar is the best live band in America. Goodnight.

    although it is definately the best album to come out so far this year, but im not sure its the best ever in the history of music, in fact im sure its not.

    the wall was a little better, for example. physical graffiti, back in black, the number of the beast, london calling, darkness on the edge of town, paul’s boutique, blonder and blonder, blonde on blonde, king of america, lets see if we can do this for twelve minutes, sandinsta, three squares and a roof, vu, axis bold as love, the blue album, pinkerton, white blood cells, kiss me kiss me kiss me, double nickles on a dime, tim, let it be, hootenanny, gold & platinum, dirty deeds, straight outta compton, doolittle, nothings shocking, rock animals, turn 21, animal boy, toys in the attic, lifes rich pageant, rain dogs, frank’s wild years, …and out come the wolves, never mind the bullocks, staring at the sea, screaming for vengance, 2112, paranoid, appetite for destruction, moving pictures, powerage, women and children first, nebraska, glass houses, trouble in paradise, this year’s model, bleach, nevermind, incesticide, master of puppets, smell the glove, electric warrior, sail away, good old boys, thirteen, goo, this toilet earth, 100 miles and runnin, death certificate, the chronic, blow your face out, 1984, live thru this, stoned and dethroned, jar of flies, so tonight i might see, fear beyond driven, very necessary, animals, american beauty, hotel california, thriller, doggystyle, black sunday, thug life, the predator, guerillas in tha mist, 3 feet high and risin, beautiful mess, ritual de habitual, unforgetable fire, for ladies only, overkill, ragged glory, syncronicity, people are people, flesh of my flesh blood of my blood, blood guts and pussy, big science, the mind is a terrible thing to taste, siamese dream, (), fought down, dark side of the moon, transformer, whoops times up

    i had another interview yesterday, something i totally forgot about so it doesnt look like im going to vegas any time soon, not that i could have afforded it but i was half thinking about putting a hundred on black as soon as i got there and either eaten at the buffet and turn back immediately or spend the night with the winnings. dont think i wouldnt do it.

    dont think i wouldnt do it now.

    k lets do ten minutes with tony and call it a night.

    its 208am and bro was writing about blog celebrity and i will tell you that it isnt at all the goal of the busblog but i must say that it doesnt suck.

    loyal readers of the busblog have sent a wide variety of things to the busblog mailing address at 4845 fountain #15, hollywood, ca, 90029 and right now im listening to a cd that someone who wishes to remain anonymous made for me which is like 100 musical moments in the howard stern show. like bands playing acoustic, like howard and the gang singing karaoke, like some of the parody songs, i love it.

    i also love that i could ask the blogosphere for a little help.

    for example:

    people of earth, what is the best device for recording a phone conversation into the computer?

    i need the piece that connects to the phone and the piece that connects to the computer.

    thank you.

    now see the problem is, i have a plan b. i could always go to Ask Metafilter, but lets see the power of this miniuniverse. in fact lets compete. ok this will be fun. busbloggers, thats my question, im going to ask the same question with the same words on Ask Metafilter and we will see who returns the best answer(s). no fair cheating and seeing what theyve said. ok its 213, five minutes left

    fell asleep watching tv at ten pm today and woke up at midnight and now my body doesnt want to go to sleep so im thinking about driving the streets of la and taking pictures. if i was smart i would have done it a half hour ago and snapped pics of all the party people leaving the bars because theres nothing better than pictures of well dressed drunkies smoking and drinking on a wednesday night.

    the cubs if you havent noticed are back. kerry wood and mark prior are back and derek lee is the best hitter in baseball and lets spend the last two minutes talking about derek lee.

    bro isnt quite batting .400 but i have watched about 25 of the last 30 cubs games all the way through and watching lee right now is like watching somebody get a hit every time up. its freaky. and hes getting great cuts. so is ramirez so is burnitz. you watch these guys and they load up before that ball gets there and they explode on that shit. all we need is a little help from corey patterson and i think the cardinals can be caught. dempster has proven that he can hang in there as a closer and with all the great arms the cubs have and now these great bats im thinking the cubs might not lose again all summer.

    chad congrats on your win, email me your address and your box will be in the mail eventually

    im a slampig + anti + nay has a new layout + xiaxue totally rules

  5. Wednesday, June 29, 2005

    i swear we’ll talk about babes soon 

    but first a word from our pal Howard Owens:

    I used to say that I couldn’t decide who to vote for. In the last view days, I’ve decided to vote against Michael Moore. Whatever I can do to make MM miserable, that’s how I’ll vote.

    Also, Tony writes, “no gary, we’re not mad that he is “liberating” iraq, we’re mad that he took us to iraq under the guise of wmd, not human rights issues.”

    No, you’re mad because he’s a Republican liberating Iraq. You’re mad because he doesn’t fit your ideal of a politician liberating Iraq. You’re mad because you don’t like him and he liberated Iraq.

    It has nothing to do with WMD, because you never believed it was WMD in the first place, or argued that the WMD wasn’t a good enough reason to go to war, or whatever … you were against the war before the war for whatever reason you could find, and only later latched on to the “Bush Lied” meme, however untruthful that meme actually is.

    The left’s agenda has never been about Iraq, pro or con. It’s been about Bush and hating Bush and pushing a liberal/progressive/partisan agenda. If Bush said “I support socialized medicine,” the left would suddenly say socialized medicine is a bad thing.

    The right did the same thing to Clinton was president.

    Moore is a perfect example of the “hate Bush first” league … invade Afghanistan = bad thing; now, it’s “we didn’t send enough troops to Afghanistan and we didn’t send them quickly enough.”

    First, Afghanistan shouldn’t have been invaded, now it’s that it wasn’t invaded properly. It’s called moving the goal posts, and the left does it to Bush on a daily basis, just as the right did it to Clinton for eight years.

    a few points howard,

    im not a liberal. in the last elections i voted for Reagan, Bush, Clinton, Clinton, and Nader. i don’t follow groups, i follow my heart. groups can follow me if they want.

    im a born-again who listens to nwa, gwar, and iron maiden. im a blogger and i can pull chicks. im a black man whose favorite record this year is the new loretta lynn.

    i agree with many planks of the republican platform: less government, personal privacy, self-reliance.

    i also agree with many planks of the democratic platform: help the poor, tax the fucking rich, more money for schools than for bombs.

    i also agree with many planks of the libertarian platform: individual liberty, personal responsibility; and a foreign policy of non-intervention, peace, and free trade.

    i also agree with my hippie friends who think we should legalize weed, socialize meds, abolish the fcc, break the monopoly of ticketmaster, and allow women (and men) to be topless whenever they please. not sure which party is rallying around those things.

    and i think the dh is bad for baseball. duh.

    i wasn’t in favor of invading afghanistan or iraq. im still not in favor of what we did in iraq or afghanistan, although im less upset about the latter than the former.

    one reason im not jumping up and down about kerry is i believe he shares these beliefs but is willing to bend because he is a politician and doesn’t want to be seen as a bleeding heart. its impossible to hope for a leader with a spine AND a brain, so i wont dwell. but sorry to break it to you howard, but i would have been upset if clinton had sent us to war with iraq too. or gore. or hillary. or anybody. especially over wmd.

    lots of people have wmd and we don’t invade them. similarily there are lots of murderous tyrants who aren’t sitting on barrels of oil and we don’t “liberate” those people either.

    im a pacifist but if Bush said right now that he wanted to “liberate” Saudi Arabia, i would be in favor of it. the victims of 9/11 don’t deserve to die in vain, and america needs to get back into the business of fighting wars against people who started fucked up shit against us.

    there is a huge difference my friend between don’t tread on me and don’t think about treading on me.

    freedom is a double edged sore.

    which brings us to your unfounded question, if bush said he was in favor of free health care, i would vote for him. i fuckin dare him.

    perfect example: someone asked me today what i would do if i found out i had cancer. among other things i said i would quit my stupid job. and then we realized i wouldn’t be able to because then i would have to fight cancer without any health care! even terminal im chained to my cubicle.

    my kingdom for an accountant.

    i don’t have problems with bush because he’s a republican. i have problems with him because he’s a moron, a liar, a failure, why we hate fratboys, and because he’s Not a republican. less government doesn’t mean more FCC. less government doesn’t mean coming out against gay marriages from the executive branch. less government doesn’t mean giving less money to soldiers as they’re in the middle of a hopeless “war.”

    not everyone who thinks bush is bad is a liberal.

    some people just don’t like being lied to in regards to why this country goes to war.

    other people don’t like being lied to about when public people are asked about their private sex life.

    me, i couldn’t care less about what you do sexually in the privacy of your oval office, but don’t bullshit me about real matters of life and death.

    and don’t call me a liberal.

    im an american, i can think for myself.

    the beetlejuice song video, h/t Short + police and theives + she verb, where do you guys play online poker?

  6. after all this time of pushing her away, 

    now that i want to spend like five minutes with her shes skeptical and nervous.

    we’ll send two sentences via myspace email every other day. i use it because i can tell if shes read it. this is a girl who was my girlfriend pretty much for a year and a half maybe more. who knows. she’d call several times a day. shed email shed chat shed fly out here she moved out here she spent weeks here. and now she doesnt even want to spend five minutes with me, even four, and i understand, ive been freaky with her, not sexy freaky but reclusive freaky like rivers cuomo freaky like i dont have a top hat big enough to hide underneath when she calls me like shes done over the years and i dont know why im wanting to spend four minutes with her. i dont know what id say i dont know what id do i dont know what would happen. nothing would happen if thats what youre worried about. she has a man. lives with the man. gotta respect that. and its gone on for a while now so good for them good for her and good for him because that girl like so many are all about love love love and he will always feel wanted and needed and who doesnt want that. except me.

    i finished two days of interviews with prospective companies and i like them all. but because this is a holiday weekend im getting the feeling that im not going to know from any of them what my future holds until at least next week. meanwhile i have this new used car that runs prrrrfectly. so well i cant even believe it. it runs like a car with 40k miles, not more than twice that. i just need a knob for the volume control and a wiper blade. other than that its perfect.

    so its 5:37am ive been watching princes sign of the times which was on black starz. prince is playing drums now and wearing a cops hat as sheila e dances around. so what i want to do with this week is drive somewhere desolate. i have enough money to maybe get a hotel room in vegas for a few days and write. the only problem is i dont have a laptop and what id really like to do is finish Stiff and then start something new that id have ready for christmas cuz the feeling i have from people is they dont want any more greatest hits from the old blog posts, what they want is something new that they wouldnta been able to read on the blog.

    sadly the only way i can do that is not be in this house cuz when im here all i wanna do is blog fuck and fight. in that order. and eat. ive been eating like crazy. i had two of those new jack in the box chicoplates or whatever that thing is called. basically theyre two quarter cheese patties cheese bacon lettuce and this fancy bun. i had a coupon that gave me two for the price of one, but you know fast food joints, the price of a sandwhich a la carte is ridiculous, so two cipppolates was four bucks plus tax. and it was way too much red meat for this dj.

    vegas is the perfect escape route for citizens of los angeles. its a five hour drive for those like me who like to mosey and take little stops and take pictures and meet people. its a three hour drive for maniacs like karisa, and its a one hour flight for people who dont factor in the hour and a half in the airport the half hour on the runway and the hour getting out of the airport and renting a car. thats why i like to drive.

    i have an ipod bursting full of new music from missy eliot to the foo fighters to audioslave and the white stripes and the new teenage fanclub. and i have two full howard stern shows i havent heard yet from the last two days. if i went to sleep now and woke up at 1 i could have three howards in my ipod for the trip, the only problem is i would miss out on the blogger meetup on the beach on friday and thats why ive tried my best not to tie myself down to any responsibilities whatsoever for the exception of job interviews and strolls to the curb to move the car due to street cleaning.

    but i have no laptop, but i was watching prince who didnt have a laptop either and then it dawned on me, bring the whole friggin rig. youre gonna be in a hotel room, just set up your shit right there at the dining room table your big computer your big monitor your big ideas by lynda barry and knock out your bullshit.

    but you have no stories to tell

    the little demon in my ear whispers

    oh yes he certainly does

    the medium sized demon in my pants sneers

    the funny thing is, all i want to do is sit in the giant hottub and sip armerettos.

    id need a straw hat and a cheesy gold chain necklace.

    i wonder if ashleys sister is still a lifeguard at ballys?

    flipping through my file-a-dex i stop at a and think ashley, do i have any stories of going to vegas and meeting a blonde teenager named ashley that would be of interest to the good people of the world? stories that i have never told before? tales that have never reached the ears of even my closest friends?

    no, sadly ours was a very simple and sweet thing. she said she loved me and i said it back. we’d blab and fall asleep talking on the phone.

    until shed scream in my ear and tell me to wake up.

    like the sunlight shining through my mexican blanket curtain is trying to do.

    six oh one am and if i was smart id get four hours sleep and be at caesars by supper.

    riley dog + my taco stand + its time to buy sirius + pink is the new blog

  7. an incoming college freshman poised to go to my alma mater 

    googled the college of creative studies and found my blog.

    and had some questions for me about the school and about her curiosity about writing for the daily nexus.

    theres no better combination for learning how to write than to be a freshman in the college of creative studies who is already interested in the daily nexus, the greatest college newspaper in america.

    but i wont bore you with old war stories of the olden days when we used such crazy things like 5 1/4 disks and paper and glue and rulers and pencils. even though it was the beach we had to walk five miles uphill to the keg parties and the girls would only go as far as second base on the first date.

    much simpler times back then. quaint.

    anyway she asked me what i hated about the college of creative stuides, i suppose so she could prepare for the worst.

    i told her that i didnt hate any part of it, but that she should be on the lookout for a few things when going into a writing program.

    first she should actually try the things that the professors suggest. i had a teacher who hated talking animals, talking inanimate objects, science fiction, anything that wasnt happening right now, or better yet, two hundred years ago.

    his theory, though he never said it, was that sci fi, talking animals, and lets say escalators that speak chinese are really things having a conversation, so why not make it easy on yourself and just make those two things People because, especially when youre just a fucking idiot getting drunk for the first time regularilly, getting two people to talk realistically on the page is tough enough.

    you’ll have the rest of your life to write talking animal stories, in college get the basics down and write at least a few kickass stories involving talking people.

    my other bit of advice is to read everything they give you. the college of creative studies has no grades no tests no finals, so they load you up with so much work that theres no way you will be able to finish it all, but what you will end up doing is way more than in a normal class. my motto about reading was if it was light study, if it was dark party. because i found that even if i tried to cram for three hours from 1am-4am i really only read and comprehended 5 pages, so while i was sober and alert and awake i should knock out as many series of 5 pages that i could, and if say it was about to get dark i would slip in as much studying as i could until it got dark, then id eat and then id fucking rage like a demon released from the depths of isla vista’s sordid past. guilt free.

    the nexus is exactly the same thing except youre getting your instruction from your peers as opposed to someone who youre paying to teach you. in one day you might get edited by 5 people who, if youre lucky, will sit down with you and show you how theyre cleaning your shit up. one guy might be a big softspoken barefooted genius named wade, ten minutes later you might get an earful from a little blonde wiff of an angel named jenny, then mr os or william torren might copy edit your shit and then later the night editor might need your help to write a headline. people who think that their writing is precious never make it through the first week of a newspaper so think of your masterpieces the way i do about mine, like lovely pieces of shit, some nicely formed some forced and sloppy, all examples of your place in history at that moment and all very difficult to call genius but the ones that are totally stand out in their magnificence.

    newspaper writing helps you get shit overwith and moved on to the next thing. and the deadlines are little blessings because lets say you write four stories in a week. if you can do that for a month then a five page history paper for school is a walk in the park. hell you can totally knock that out before bongloads and dinner.

    and then you have all night to make a name for yourself.

    give em something to write about baby and good luck.

    interview with an escalator + fuck fuck fuck + five bloggers in this picture

  8. Tuesday, June 28, 2005

    tsar 


    band girls money
    tvt records

    why is this man smiling?

    because this is the tsar record he’s been waiting for for 6 and a half years.

    this is the garagey isla vista punk pop that was pretty much missing five years ago when tsar’s self titled debut came out on hollywood records.

    on that record you had to wade through miles of gloss to get the the heart of the rock. here its in your face, but clear and as sharp and dangerous as a ripped beer can.

    everyones heard the title track from the nestle crunch commersh and from the band’s website and myspace page, so I Wanna Get Dead is the kick to the head that sets the tone for the rest of the record. its gonna be fun its gonna be poppy its gonna be tight and its gonna have lyrics that will have you thinking is he serious cuz i hope hes not serious.

    lets hope hes not serious.

    The Love Explosion is a song that personally i dont like but thats me. i dont like it because it sounds like the theme to a disney channel tv show. but the good news is we get to hear the tsar horn section for the first time. they’ll be better later on.

    Superdeformed is an obvious beatles tip of the hat and if you know me you know theres nothing i like less than an obvious beatles tip of the hat. still, strangely, against my will, the heart has a soulful center thats irresistable.

    and even though i dont know where i am
    dude, i know where im at

    and does he wish us Shalom at the end of the song?

    Straight busts in kicking ass and taking names. apparently the narrator wants to establish that he’s “straight”. hes a moustache man. theres a two guitar attack. this was the music from the nissan commercial. it sounds like an off road anthem. hes straight each and every way. he bends like a stick. best riff on the album full of riffs.

    straight. its the new style
    every dianetic on the miracle mile
    knows im straight

    he screams he rocks he wails he protests far too much and the drum roll right right before the end is perfect.

    what follows is Wrong. my favorite tsar song in a long time.

    warriors, i saw them come out to play

    i love it because its a perfect jeff whalen recording. theres vocal fun. theres sex drugs rock references. theres those harmonies that are tsar tsar tsar theres great guitar solos weird choruses

    turn and run fast boy

    theres whalen blaming blaming blaming and then yelling and then some of the most beautiful chord changes that lead into dans best guitar solo that just goes on into the distance and if i die tomorrow and someone has to stand up and say something at my wake say if theres one thing tony hated about the years after grunge died was there have been pussy ass butt smugglers who cant play guitar filling up the airwaves, hes glad hes dead because rocks been dead for the last 10 years, the rare exception being tsar

    go glam the conquerer worm
    defender of the american way
    a friend to the weak the smug the huddled thugs
    a waste of money, its sad but true
    but in the morning it will feel alright
    set a course of magnetic strips for a broken heart
    we are screaming toeing the line
    and disposable by design

    all i know is i could have sworn that its been at least a decade since whalen dropped acid, but these killer lyrics say otherwise.

    track 9 is Startime, the best song on the album. i know i said Wrong was but i was wrong

    feedback snarling guitar ancy drums a regroup and a wham

    and take a sample of these lines

    la is the place to be
    and if it aint as shocking as it used to be
    take the bullet out your head put it back in the gun
    put your finger on the trigger

    my brothers are all proud rockers
    wild and aloof and trippin on acid

    maybe you live like a suicide
    hell someones gotta stand up and die

    cuz youre the young lee harvey
    man youre david koresh
    and if you dont like that why dont you go home
    and watch some tivo fucker

    the hey yeah never let me down

    and then the horns come in and fight the guitars and drums.

    the welch whalen finale You Can’t Always Want What You Get cleanses our palettes and the cd is done at a little over 33 minutes which whalen has always said records should be: quick fast perfect and out.

    and this one rocks.

    UPDATE: Amazon ranks bgm #967 in music! + Mo + amy

  9. i have a problem. 

    as you know i love to write. and as you know i love the blogosphere and the bloggers and the liveliness and the banter and the good ideas and the creativity and the community and the toplessness and the fact that the world is a much smaller and cozier place due to this great thing that al gore invented.

    my problem is that i would like very soon to start writing a book about blogging. not about how to do it, really, but about the people who do it. my problem is some of the book will be about right wing conservative bloggers who account for a good chunk of the influence of the blogosphere.

    ok thats not my problem. i like most of them. my problem is i dont believe most of them, at least not what they write. and im torn because when i go to their blogs and i read and i follow the links it feels like im being punk’d and i want to just rage all over my blog at them. but then i keep thinking about this book and i say to myself take it easy you want these people to like you so they’ll cooperate with you and they’ll look at you as a real writer and not their enemy.

    but who am i fooling, im their enemy.

    the right wingers shouldnt fear the big libs like kos or atrios or odub – they should expect to get healthy volleys of incoming from those gentlemen,

    the conservative bloggers should worry about the independents like myself whod rather be fishing than talking about politics but the thing that makes guys like me talk politics are when the big time righties are so full of shit that it seeps from the monitors.

    professor reynolds, we are in a quagmire costing us billions, allegedly started over the pussy ass fear of wmds that never turned up, we raped little boys in abu ghraib and now we admit to torture at gitmo too and instead of fucking sucking it up and actally telling it like it is you fucking link rogerlsimon who talks about how great the menu is there.

    if it werent for your hits what would qualify you for entry in my book with that shit?

    im sure simon would say oh but the 20th hijacker is at gitmo, oh there are admited al-qaida members there… fine, try them. these flag waving fingerpointers are so eager to call people unpatriotic for daring to call bs on bs but have yet to enunciate a reason why we have to break every rule we’ve agreed to in order to hold these allegedly dangerous people without giving them their day in court and without giving them the ability to have a lawyer.

    oh but the food is sooooooo good.

    fuck you.

    and they say the media is liberal without a sliver of sarcasm. in what country are they talking about? i have seen some liberals in my days at uc santa barbara and i dont see very many liberals at all in the media. not that i give a shit im still waiting for the network thats neither left nor right and once a day they say throw all the bums out. and go down a list of 50 dems and 50 repubs and flashes their fat fucking faces on the screen and reads out their sins of the week

    for example:

    Rove
    dissing the people of new york, being fat, being a fucker, being a literal cocksucker and ashamed, and for using something as horrifying as 9/11 in an attempt to paint rightwingers as brave and lefties as cowards

    ABC News
    upon seeing Rove act so outrageously didnt have the balls to demand a drug test immediately on the bloated wonderboy, didnt create Asshole of the Week feature in its national newscast, bored us

    but then i tell myself that these people might not know how theyre being perceived, they see all the hits they get all the ads, theyre able to vacation wherever and buy whatever and they think that thats what its all about

    their job is to paint the fence white. period. you can tell them all day long that a clear glaze would better show the full grain of the marvelously rich wood but they say look at that car look at that tv look at that tv in the car, bossman tells me to paint it white so i paints it white.

    except for one thing

    i met tim blair last summer and that motherfucker actually believed the !@#!@$ things that he typed. smart funny personable intelligent nice fun all the things you ever think of when you think of goodhearted aussies. everything. but i swear to you that if BushCo decided that the world was flat good ole tim blair and all his ilk would be banging the drum that the world is flat and if you showed them an article that the world wasnt theyd say oh fuck man Popular Science is so leftleaning or theyd say thats the writer who said blah blah blah

    its ponderous.

    and i think one reason you dont hear a lot of banter from the lefty intellectuals is most of them figure why bother? let o’reilly rant for 22 minutes while america pretends that he isnt just doing a slightly different version of a current affair. all 22 minutes can be refuted by one godthatwasutterbullshit and the slate should be clean.

    our country admits that we have tortured detainees and the biggest political bloggers not only say move along nothing to see here, but they link other bloggers who say you cant be tortured at a country club.

    and if these people had the guts to really talk about blogging and really talk about the thinking that goes behind their blogs theyd be able to answer loud and clear if i asked questions like how can your party talk about morals on one hand and support gitmo on the other? and how can you as a blogger and a commentor completely ignore huge parts of the story and pretend like a child that they never happened?

    im not trying to fight anyone, im just trying to figure all of this out because i can see why a newspaper columnist or a politician would spew bullshit all day long but a blogger? and a smart one? i always thought that one of the perks of being smart was you didnt have to resort to lies and smokescreens and deception.

    but alas im idealistic and foolishly believe that a blogger can speak his mind and in speaking his mind be respected and therefore should be so chickenshit about analyzing the entire picture, but thats just not the case in this blogosphere. not yet, at least. maybe the second generation of bloggers will right these wrongs.

    and like most dilemas that begin at the top of the post, theyre solved at the bottom. there are plenty of fish in the sea, theres no need to pander to the few currently getting attention who might say no for the wrong reasons when there are so many about to get attention who will say yes for the right ones.

    cuz the last thing id want is my non fiction book to be full of fict.

    gmask + golden fiddle + kitty bukkake + ed adkins

  10. Monday, June 27, 2005