fuck fuck fuckity fuck fuck fuck

fuck the month of gemini with its changes when all its changes are bad and all of them take money out of my pocket that didnt have very much in there to begin with. i hate thinking about money. i hate it. i hate that i have no job and now one of my plans to just write all summer is falling apart.

i hate that i just got the official word that my longest running sponsor is going to drop me and have other blogs and not mine in their posse. im pissed because didnt i just totally give them props in one of my interviews? and didnt the blog that interviewed me just get mentioned in Time magazine? how many blogs in their lineup are even getting interviewed? how many blogs on their dancecard even update everyday? basics.

my deal with this sponsor was such a nice arrangement. all they asked me to do was post a few times a week and keep it pg-13. no problem. i posted on average 14-20 times a week during our year run. and my hits doubled in that time and my rate stayed the same. why? because it was a contract. and i honor and respect contracts. when they said they were probably gonna have to let me go i did the dumbest thing ever and said that id even lower my rate. they still didnt re-sign me. and now im curious if its because i say things like the president is a fucking retard or because i say fuck or because i say two chicks came over and fucked my brains out last night and heres how they did it.

never in my life have i been able to fit into a box. until now. im a blogger. yay! an award-winning one at that, whose popularity is on the fucking rise. but just as quick as that people want to slice up the blogosphere into catagories and suddenly im no longer so easy to put in a box any more. fuck. and now i have to worry about stupid ass fucking shit like rent.

this is not any subtle way to beg for money from you, or a way to get your sympathy. i dont want either. i just need to vent. if i had a superpower id have a clean up button so when you got super mad you could take a softball bat to your bachelor pad and destroy everything in it and when you finally were “done” you could hit that button and your tv would morph back your lamps your windows your dirty dishes your microwave your waterbed everything would be unbroken and cleaned up.

but i have no superpower so i have to sit here and be peaceful.

jimmy johnson the former head football coach of the dallas cowboys said that you need to peak ontop of peaks. which means that when you think youre on top you need to do something that takes that successful situation and make it so that next year youre even stronger. the cowboys after they won their first ring got deion sanders and then they won another ring. i hate the cowboys but jimmy knew that sitting in your xbi copter with a few thousand hits on your blog and a good job doesnt mean that you can sit there and think that nobody’s not going to shoot your cocky ass out of the sky

and once you land on your feet it doesnt mean that an indy car isnt gonna run you over.

yes virginia the busblog has been thrown under the bus.

hold please i have a phone call. who on earth is calling me at this hour on a sunday night. maybe its my momma, which will suck cuz now i have to explain how her firstborn is a fucking loser.

k im back.

you will never believe this.

you shouldnt believe anything on the web anyway, fyi, but this is true, this super hot chick (not pictured) just, i shit you not, called me up and said super sweetly


i was all uh hi.

she was all, im drunk i only have a second, my girlfriend is peeing and i just wanted to tell you that i want to fuck you.

i was all get over here then. shit.

she was all, shhhhhhh, we’re at a party, im just telling you im not offerring. im just telling you.

and then she giggled and hung up.

and instantly i feel better.

so thank you universe, i love you too.

but im still pissed.

and scared.

karen + scoble + gaping void + seth

hee-seop choi hit three homers today

at dodger stadium and eric gagne struck out two in the ninth as los angeles defeated the twins so lets do a 4:20 edition of fourty minutes with tony. fuck.

vin scully was the happiest fan in the stands as Fox Sports West didnt break to commercial when Gagne got his fat canadian ass off his folding chair in the bullpen and ran through the swinging door in left field.

the camera panned from his swollen ankles up his thick legs and up his bulging gut weird beard rambis glasses and salt stained sweaty hat.

kids high fived each other, mexicans popped their collars, and the ladies took pictures with their cameraphones that will document the doings of the three rows in front of them far better than the little speck in the distance who has come back from injury and returned with vengence just ask shannon stewart who struck out on three pitches. bam.

people laugh when i reveal to them that deep down im a scientist and for a long time ive been trying to figure out how we can turn kids left handed

left handed because in baseball left handed pitchers are very rare and very important and its very difficult to teach someone how to be a great pitcher, but if you can begin by making someone left handed then youre on the right track.

the old joke was one would just tie a baby’s arm around his back but twine would cause scratches and child protective services i understand frown at such behavior, so i was thinking what about shirts for infants that look like straight jackets sorta where one arm, the left arm, would be a normal short sleeve

but the right sleeve would be a long sleeve but longer than it needed to be and at its end its sewn to the waist of the lil dickens giving the lad or lass absolutely no range of motion.

now i can hear the bleeding hearts everywhere join in a chorus of Cruelty! but really, what do little kids do except eat shit and cry. if during that early development you can aid them in becoming left handed for the purposes of getting a major league baseball contract that very well could help the cubs win the world series then the ends justify the means and my LefTee isnt gonna hurt any toddlers, it’ll just encourage them to rely on their left hand and arm. as they should.

if i could be anywhere in the world right now i would be right where i am. here at my beach house in malibu. far from the madding crowd. wishing of better situations where everyone was happy with every decision i make and every choice ive made. but life isnt fair and added to that im the biggest dipshit created. in a month i havent filed for unemployment, ive turned down great offers and i have maintained the lifestyle to which ive grown accustomed. my perfect Plan B was to selfpublish a book and sell a few hundred copies and live off that for a few months but im even slacking at that doing the incredulous which was to listen to naysayers who dont even read this blog very much. but thats me. mr. vegas. and you nevr know sometimes thats what might lead some to the right place. and deep down id rather give you a kickass book similar to what bukowski did many times which was include stories with poems poems with stories just like goober grape.

only difference is bukowskis poetry story books were better than everything. they werent afterthoughts. they werent pathetic money grabs, they werent excuses not to apply at trader joe’s or finally get that cabbie license.

women who never even knew that i had a girlfriend are offering me nudes via emails and webshows on the internets but im not interested which means im gay which i must be. something is definately wrong in denmark. im watching Bonfires of the Vanities. what am i doing watching movies on my tv. what am i doing having so many movie channels on my tv. what am i doing doing anything other than telling you more about how the cubs can win the world series before i die thanks to my army of left handed babies that will grow up and save us from this inevitable destiny of failure.

if im going to experience failure its going to come at my own two hands. intentionally. not because of any goat or because of steve bartman or because nobody wants to take a chance on danny graves or trade corey patterson for steve podsedick or however the hell you spell his name.

eighteen minutes left on this bloodletting. a good friend of the busblog wrote me a two line email today telling me that things werent going well for her so heres a shout out in her general direction. its weird having a relationship with someone for so long and not knowing very much about them outside of this blog and not knowing if what i write will please or displease and i said give me something to write about and i’ll dedicate it to you but she’s not like that and sometimes i wonder if i would be a good friend or a bad friend to her but i guess im a bad friend to my other friends so id probably be a bad friend to her too. the only thing i have found that im any good at lately is three posts a day and to be honest if i could do this every day and get enough off these ads thats all id do.

someone asked me, danielle asked me if i would be visiting her now that i had a car and i said no, that i would take pictures of places that id never really have gone to before and i will put those pictures on here. and she said but san diego is a place youd never had really gone to much before and shes blonde but she has a point. so maybe i will travel down to my least favorite california city soon. but only under protest. and if i spend more than 24 hours it will be a miracle. consider a drive to baja a bigger possibility.

ten minutes till five and a question i have to anyone who has made it down this far is this. my poems are pretty good, considering theyre poems, the redheaded stepchild of the written word and in many cases worthy of its low standing in the art-world.

my question is, would there be interest in me reading these poems in an accompanying compact disc, or is that just totally lame. ive heard bukowski read his poems and ive heard william carlos williams read his poems and if there was a bukowski book that came out with a cd of him reading his poems i would get it but im a collector of course i would get it. do people really want to read along? its not like im some urban slam poet of whom i have nothing against but thats just not me.

the good news about such a cd is they would be easy to make, cheap, and if someone wanted to make massive fun out of me id be setting that up perfectly. so i guess its settled. but i will do it only if we keep a countdown of books sold.

the goal of course would be to sell 666.

i’d make a thermometer to measure the progress.

and, naturally, i would ask for your support.

two minutes to five and fourty minutes is hella long, but not terrible. just type dont think just say the things that are there and move on. if people judge lettem judge fuckem. bad people in your life should not be given the power to stop you from doing the things that you like to do.

especially imaginary bad people who might not even exist except in your own negative thoughts. ding.

wild bell + blogging.la + freeway blogger + sean bonner

its one fourty four,

ive been awake for hours which means im behind in my duties so lets begin with twenty minutes with tony.

witha five minute penalty round starting now.

a few people have emailed asking what do matt good and i talk about. the question should be what did jen good and i talk about but whatev matt and i the other day talked about blogger which is one of my favorite subjects.

is it weird that ive been unemployed for over a month and ive only had one offer to work for a blogging related company? yes it is weird. and isnt it weird that i was said no to by a blogging related company? completely.

just as weird as it is that the “how to blog” rules were posted a year ago this week and new people still link to it every day. this dude from china for example totally copied it and posted it on his blog today, and linked me. thanks bro but you forgot the part about raymi. if i had to do it again i would have reread it and given her a number so people know that linking raymi is one of the rules of blogging.

jenny asked me if i looooved raymi as in did i want to steal her from fil and seduce her with my powers and i was all nah i lust love her from afar and shes one of my bloggy gods whod id pray to if it wasnt against my religion.

why isnt my email box filled with blogging related companies offering me big salaries or even little salaries and offers to consult and offers to blog for them, and offers to help out and offers and offers and offers? i am obviously super deep in to it and the blogosphere responds every day and the last time i took a day off was after i got laid off my job and before that i hadnt taken a dayoff in months.

who doesnt want to hire someone who is that passionate about something?

maybe we are at the beginging of this trend, so therefore maybe there isnt that many opportunities in there. and maybe my getawayfromme aura which has been on fullblast lately needs to ixnay a tad ay.

so me and matt were talking about blogger which we both use and we were saying that we would love to see Catagories, which i read somewhere that they were working on and it shouldnt be all that far away. i would love catagories because i would love to seperate these twenty minute deals from the ones that i sorta pay attention to from the cd reviews from the movie reviews from the photo essays from the xbi stories from the this week in rock posts.

and if i had catagories id be able to put gasp true things in here. and it would be in a catagorie called true shit.

heres some true shit. even though most of you said that youd buy my kurt kobain stories for $20, a few of you said thats a rip off since it would only be a paltry 125 pages. and yeah its true that im unemployed and close to broke, and so therefore the flowage from Migra Dan was so unexpectedly nice

105. Migra Dan

but i would like to give you back something for your efforts. and something that youd consider a good deal. so the book Stiff which will come out this month, will not only contain all those great stories of when i died,

but it will also contain the best poetry book that i ever wrote


and it will contain all of the best poems that i ever wrote that werent in Ilka, faves like “the best virgin marys”, “paul westerberg”, and “lets get it on”.

i know, youre thrilled

and it will contain the dirtiest story i ever wrote, a tale of lust, a tale of sex, a story of love and passion

and booze

and, yes, sin.

it still wont be close to 200 pages but it’s the best i can offer right now. im not going to hold back from the busblog, meaning im not going to write four things a day, put three on the blog and file the fourth away so i can come out with a book of “unreleased material”. the blog comes first, making money comes second. the purpose of my books arent to give you things that youve never read before theyre to give you the things that you like in a format that is more portable. and in this upcoming edition, to give you a nice big picture of karisa on the cover as a bonus.

that alone is worth twenty bones

twenty five autographed.

our time is done go in peace.

yes i felt the earthquake + danielle called me + antis guide to frying in highschool

before there were bloggers there were diarists

people who would take the technology of their day, which for some were pens and for others, pencils, and write in notebooks, or blank books, or lockable books called diaries.

there were no comments sections, or ads, or pictures (usually), just words, about that person’s life, as dull as it might be.

everyday on the blogosphere you can read people say that their lives are boring and they have nothing to say and theyre not important and what they think doesnt matter.

however, anne frank lived in a one-room attic for over two years with seven other people. most of the time they had to be silent. when you visit amsterdam you have to go, the place is tiny. as in tiny. you dont think that would stifle the writing process of todays average blogger? well it didnt stop miss frank who knocked out the most popular and important diary of all time.

today she would have been 75 years old.

here are some exerpts from her offline journal:

On the Deportations

“Our many Jewish friends and acquaintances are being taken away in droves. The Gestapo is treating them very roughly and transporting them in cattle cars to Westerbork, the big camp in Drenthe to which they’re sending all the Jews….If it’s that bad in Holland, what must it be like in those faraway and uncivilized places where the Germans are sending them? We assume that most of them are being murdered. The English radio says they’re being gassed.” – October 9, 1942

On Nazi Punishment of Resisters

“Have you ever heard the term ‘hostages’? That’s the latest punishment for saboteurs. It’s the most horrible thing you can imagine. Leading citizens–innocent people–are taken prisoner to await their execution. If the Gestapo can’t find the saboteur, they simply grab five hostages and line them up against the wall. You read the announcements of their death in the paper, where they’re referred to as ‘fatal accidents.” – October 9, 1942

“All college students are being asked to sign an official statement to the effect that they ‘sympathize with the Germans and approve of the New Order.” Eighty percent have decided to obey the dictates of their conscience, but the penalty will be severe. Any student refusing to sign will be sent to a German labor camp.” – May 18, 1943

On Writing and Her Diary

“When I write, I can shake off all my cares.” – April 5, 1944

Describing her Despair

“I’ve reached the point where I hardly care whether I live or die. The world will keep on turning without me, and I can’t do anything to change events anyway. I’ll just let matters take their course and concentrate on studying and hope that everything will be all right in the end.” – February 3, 1944

“…but the minute I was alone I knew I was going to cry my eyes out. I slid to the floor in my nightgown and began by saying my prayers, very fervently. Then I drew my knees to my chest, lay my head on my arms and cried, all huddled up on the bare floor. A loud sob brought me back down to earth…” – April 5, 1944

On Her Old Country, Germany

“Fine specimens of humanity, those Germans, and to think I’m actually one of them! No, that’s not true, Hitler took away our nationality long ago. And besides, there are no greater enemies on earth than the Germans and Jews.” – October 9, 1942

On Still Believing

“It’s a wonder I haven’t abandoned all my ideals, they seem so absurd and impractical. Yet I cling to them because I still believe, in spite of everything, that people are truly good at heart.

“It’s utterly impossible for me to build my life on a foundation of chaos, suffering and death. I see the world being slowly transformed into a wilderness, I hear the approaching thunder that, one day, will destroy us too, I feel the suffering of millions. And yet, when I look up at the sky, I somehow feel that everything will change for the better, that this cruelty too shall end, that peace and tranquility will return once more” – July 15, 1944

anne frank center + anne frank museum + anne frank stuff on ebay