1. Thursday, June 2, 2005

    im watching oprah. 

    told you im gay. shes having her “adults only” show today, which you wouldnt think you could do at 3:30pm, but whatever. they have this sex survey and experts and its all just a way for them to talk about sex and get away with things that howard stern gets fined for. nothing new here.

    she has a couple in the audience that she invited to the show who have sex twice a day. oprah asks them, “do you work?” which is exactly what people wrote when i said that real bloggers should write at least once a day. “ive got a life man, sorry. i cant be bothered with that sort of schedule.”

    and im like, how hard is it to write once a day for twenty minutes about your stupid life?

    similarily, is it that hard to give it to your bride once in the morn and once before you count sheep?

    ive never been married but ive lived with girlfriends for years and years and perhaps it was our age but if we ever missed a day it was for a very good reason and we made up for it immediately.

    still, oprah reports that only 17% of married people have sex every day.

    because oprah can get away with anything on tv, the censors let this one have a pass: an expert related that “sex is healthy for you!” by explaining that an average load of semen has as much protien as “a medium sized pork chop”.

    and here howard has been having to tap dance around that by calling it a protein shake. as in, hey jenny mcarthy, do you like protein shakes?

    americas most lovable talk show host also was sure to inform us that asian men have the smallest penises and african americans have the largest ones.

    and they cut to a black man in the audience who said to his wife, told ya.

    oprah did not deliver a steadman joke, which would have been perfect at that time, but it might be due to the fact that shes a lesbian.

    siris holding at six + anna kournikova to pose nude in magazine + jim gilliam