1. Tuesday, June 28, 2005


    band girls money
    tvt records

    why is this man smiling?

    because this is the tsar record he’s been waiting for for 6 and a half years.

    this is the garagey isla vista punk pop that was pretty much missing five years ago when tsar’s self titled debut came out on hollywood records.

    on that record you had to wade through miles of gloss to get the the heart of the rock. here its in your face, but clear and as sharp and dangerous as a ripped beer can.

    everyones heard the title track from the nestle crunch commersh and from the band’s website and myspace page, so I Wanna Get Dead is the kick to the head that sets the tone for the rest of the record. its gonna be fun its gonna be poppy its gonna be tight and its gonna have lyrics that will have you thinking is he serious cuz i hope hes not serious.

    lets hope hes not serious.

    The Love Explosion is a song that personally i dont like but thats me. i dont like it because it sounds like the theme to a disney channel tv show. but the good news is we get to hear the tsar horn section for the first time. they’ll be better later on.

    Superdeformed is an obvious beatles tip of the hat and if you know me you know theres nothing i like less than an obvious beatles tip of the hat. still, strangely, against my will, the heart has a soulful center thats irresistable.

    and even though i dont know where i am
    dude, i know where im at

    and does he wish us Shalom at the end of the song?

    Straight busts in kicking ass and taking names. apparently the narrator wants to establish that he’s “straight”. hes a moustache man. theres a two guitar attack. this was the music from the nissan commercial. it sounds like an off road anthem. hes straight each and every way. he bends like a stick. best riff on the album full of riffs.

    straight. its the new style
    every dianetic on the miracle mile
    knows im straight

    he screams he rocks he wails he protests far too much and the drum roll right right before the end is perfect.

    what follows is Wrong. my favorite tsar song in a long time.

    warriors, i saw them come out to play

    i love it because its a perfect jeff whalen recording. theres vocal fun. theres sex drugs rock references. theres those harmonies that are tsar tsar tsar theres great guitar solos weird choruses

    turn and run fast boy

    theres whalen blaming blaming blaming and then yelling and then some of the most beautiful chord changes that lead into dans best guitar solo that just goes on into the distance and if i die tomorrow and someone has to stand up and say something at my wake say if theres one thing tony hated about the years after grunge died was there have been pussy ass butt smugglers who cant play guitar filling up the airwaves, hes glad hes dead because rocks been dead for the last 10 years, the rare exception being tsar

    go glam the conquerer worm
    defender of the american way
    a friend to the weak the smug the huddled thugs
    a waste of money, its sad but true
    but in the morning it will feel alright
    set a course of magnetic strips for a broken heart
    we are screaming toeing the line
    and disposable by design

    all i know is i could have sworn that its been at least a decade since whalen dropped acid, but these killer lyrics say otherwise.

    track 9 is Startime, the best song on the album. i know i said Wrong was but i was wrong

    feedback snarling guitar ancy drums a regroup and a wham

    and take a sample of these lines

    la is the place to be
    and if it aint as shocking as it used to be
    take the bullet out your head put it back in the gun
    put your finger on the trigger

    my brothers are all proud rockers
    wild and aloof and trippin on acid

    maybe you live like a suicide
    hell someones gotta stand up and die

    cuz youre the young lee harvey
    man youre david koresh
    and if you dont like that why dont you go home
    and watch some tivo fucker

    the hey yeah never let me down

    and then the horns come in and fight the guitars and drums.

    the welch whalen finale You Can’t Always Want What You Get cleanses our palettes and the cd is done at a little over 33 minutes which whalen has always said records should be: quick fast perfect and out.

    and this one rocks.

    UPDATE: Amazon ranks bgm #967 in music! + Mo + amy