1. Wednesday, July 6, 2005

    i drive so slow. 

    i lean the seat back and lay low as i cruise through the streets of la with my beanie just below the eyebrow. my car has a tape deck so ive been playing my old tapes. tonight was the first suicidal tendencies.

    normally id be listening to howard via the ipod, but hes on vacation and i hate his best ofs.

    i have a perfectly good burrito place right near me thats open 24/7 and you have to order in espanol but you get a big fat juicy pollo burrito si vous plait for three dolores.

    no taxo.

    and no tip jar, which is very interesting because i would totally tip these people.

    but i hadnt been out all day and there it was 8pm and i drove right past there and just went west down santa monica on my way to chipotle at the beverly center.

    because yesterday was a holiday the streets are pretty nice. plus i caught all the lights from vermont to fairfax so i got there in like 15 minutes which is a dream. seriously. if i actually could choose my dreams they would include cheerleader orgies and driving in la with sweet tunes and no traffic.

    and then my cell phone rang and it was tennis star anna kournikova on the other end

    of all people.

    bitch im getting my chipotle on.

    i eat very slowly.

    i eat so slowly its 442a and im still nibbling on it.

    dude asked black beans or pinto beans

    as if theres a choice.

    now that bret boone was cut by the mariners, ive seen two generations of boones come and go. thats old.

    its so old that i got a massage the other day.

    i was walking down the street and saw a sign that said free massages.

    turned out you had to listen to them talk about a timeshare situation on the beautiful island of aruba.

    it was actually a pretty awesome value.

    but i told them that id been to aruba and it was boring, and i was an unemployed xbi agent so stick em up youre under arrest gimme all yr money.

    but just the change.

    anna asked do you miss me

    i was all i got a massage today

    she said you miss me

    i was all yeah

    and we didnt say anything really interesting on the phone

    or maybe she did you never know with shitty ass cell phones i cant believe its 2005 and i cant speak wirelessly to a girl who officially is still not married

    you have to be sick of him by now

    shuttup i love him.

    o god.

    you have no feelings for me what so ever?


    if you are lying i’ll allow you to come over to get spanked.

    allow. ha.

    i said come here so i can show you something.

    but she didnt fall for it.

    ive lost my mojo and i dont even care.

    maybe thats when people should get hitched and breed, when they dont give a fuck any more.

    i became addicted to this drink at the xbi called apathy juice. it killed all fear and tasted like grape juice. the problem though was it also killed anger which sometimes you need to get the adrenaline pumping properly.

    whatever, i hadnt had any in a while, and i will say that although duh its ridiculous and dangerous, the good thing was, some of the streets we were walking in alone required it since so much of that life is about playing chicken and if some dude saying hes xbi whatever the fuck that is has a look about him that he seriously couldnt give a fuck then he will get what he wants for a limited time.

    anna gets whatever she wants at any time including 3:45am when she called me and i was passed out and she said why did you get a massage anyhow you hate them

    i said i know but i was hoping to get the not give a fuck rubbed out of me

    to which she said something so funny that i decided to turn on the computer and write it down.

    but now of course i cant remember it.

    congratulations bunny! + fuck natalee holloway + more nike ripoffs + brooks