1. Wednesday, July 20, 2005

    trust me, i like b00bies as much as the next guy. 

    maybe more than some. which is funny because at my advanced age and good fortune ive been lucky enough to investigate and enjoy so many that youd think i would lose interest, but i havent.

    i also havent lost interest in calling idiots and jackoffs – idiots and jackoffs.

    i havent lost interest at pointing at people and saying swear words, i havent lost interest in television, or rock music, or writing, or figuring out creative ways to lure young women home and have them twirl around on my cluttered coffee table.

    and even though i have donated my bongs to charity, i have not lost interest in smoking of the sticky ganja.

    sometimes though you have to just take a pause for the cause and step away for a lil breakie poo and sit on the couch and be amazed by the simple things in life, like nice conversations with friends, or network television.

    for example today i fell back in love with one of my favorite shows, big brother, which if you missed it today, twas top notch.

    its still quite early in the season and we will discuss it in just a sec but let me first say a few words to some people who sucked it up recently and indulged me with what i requested. thank you.

    and now let me say a few words to someone who dissed me in his blog for two days in a row even though we seemingly worked things out. bro youre a coward. you talked shit only to close your comments. thats called chicken shit where i come from and anyone who considers himself a real writer would have the confidence to stand behind his words and defend them with more words on his home court.

    only blowhards and fakers claim to be a man in the title of their blog and then act like a child when it matters. and only a pussy refuses to allow for feedback in their public forum after they’ve thrown out a superlongwinded whine who even the author knows is full of intentional misrepresentations distortions and dreck.

    if youre such a badass writer and so proud of your state school education, then you would feel comfortable writing in your home field comment box to anyone who came in to challenge you.

    this is a fellow who claims to read a book a week, or more, and yet totally misunderstood everything that he read yesterday on this blog and in his comments. in many ways i pity the fool because Hell, i believe, is not a fiery lake in pandemonium, but the curse of walking around Earth ignorant and clueless and cocky. for we all know theres nothing worse than how humans react to genuine losers. either we ruthlessly take advantage of them in every way possible, or we allow them just enough rope that they hang themselves in their folly.

    jealousy is an evil drug that some dont even realize theyre high on. cousin to the creeper weed of college days that leaves you cackling to yourself in the corner like a madman. delusional in the lie that ones every thought is genius and original and spot on and wheres my pen i have to write this shit down. but in the morning, or afternoon in some cases, you wake up and see that indeed you were merely half right. its shit. go back to pretending that youre hung, at least in some circles you might be.

    but to be jealous of a blogger is perhaps the most miserable of all sins. pathetic even to look at on the page. and not even a dumptruck of pity can cure. no wonder you hide in shame like a worm in the dirt.

    get fat off shit, fuck, and flee.

    my day started with a trip into the downtown area of los angeles, through skid row, and then into the magnificent neighborhood of boyle heights. or at least some well kept secret boulevards of that misrepresented burg. who knew of their victorian homes and lush parks and clean streets and giggling children? not me.

    i was there to go over some songs with mr jeff solomon who i dont praise enough on this blog despite the fact that the computer that i have written to you from has been tweaked and fixed and upgraded and improved due to his masterwork. if you live in Los Angeles and you want your computer fixed, he is the man. ask matt welch or tsar or my beautiful attorney or her man. hell, ask any number of our friends. so when he asked me to dj his wedding i said anything jeff anything.

    we met at the practice rooms of the corvids. we kicked out the jams and laughed and danced and figured out the gameplan and afterwards he left with a relieved smile of a man who is in the homestretch of a wedding that probably couldnt get here fast enough for his liking. anyone who has either planned a wedding or been in one can probably understand the relief that he will have once its over.

    afterwards i took the long way home, back through downtown, back across skid row, back through the tall buildings and back to my new favorite part of LA, the tiny area known as chinatown. i figure if i have a car now, i may as well eat right, and since i could eat chinese every day, lets eat chinese every day.

    todays lunch was from lieng hoa deli at 721 broadway. skinniest man i ever saw stood behind the heat lamps and asked if i was going to eat there or “take away”. a little girl stood in the corner making funny sounds by singing into a huge fan. she never stopped cracking herself up.

    i pointed to a red pan and asked what it was. pak he told me. a whole fish stared at me sideways with a lemon on his gills, he barely fit into the pan, and although a great value, i was certain, was probably the least appetizing fish ive met. instead i pointed to a brown collection of lumps and vegetable matter and i asked what it was. that too, he informed me while mixing it with a large spoon was pak.

    fine. load me up. he took his time making sure i had good heaps of red pork and brown pork and fried rice. i paid the man $3.25 and on my way out i helped the young girl make sounds into the fan and she was impressed and her laughter could be heard out into the hot sidewalk outside.

    got home and watched the cubs beat the shit out of the reds. talked to karisa. talked to chris. talked to clipper girl who wants to know if im ready for that jelly yet and i told her that its not like im not interested its just that this is a weird time in my life and as cute as she looks in a hiked up sundress that i just wanted to write something. and here it is twelve hours later, nearly 6am, and finally im getting to write what i want. which is this: i miss my last gf and i hope shes ok, i miss ashley and i hope she knows that im bummed at her, i miss wrigley field and i will make sure to go their next year if not sooner, but mostly i dont miss anything else including the bubbling bong that once was a steady part of my life. it infact has been a pleasant and easy illegal separation.

    i interviewed matt good and put the thing up, and then at midnight ken layne made good on his promise to be interviewed and that will be up tomorrow with part one of my chat with matt welch. for a man on summer vacation ive had quite a day which included so much more that i cant even get into here.

    but one thing you will never be able to say about me is that im a coward and that i have shut off my comments out of fear that i wouldnt be able to hold my own in a typing contest. i can understand how people can mistake the demands that i made yesterday on those clones who have blatantly and completely ganked my deal, as me being macho or proud or egotistical or assholish, because some people cannot see the big picture and dont look at the exact words.

    i never said that i was The man. i said that those who thought that i was the man and stole from the man simply should put the mans name in a place of respect. thats all i ever asked. i never said to stop mimicking, i never said to pay me, i never denounced them for their imitation, i just asked that i be linked where i should be linked.

    simplicity goes over some peoples heads and thats understandable if those heads are up their ass. trust me, i know a thing or two about such people which is why i am being patient with them right now.

    so in big brother they almost had a four way fight. the asshole muscle bound firefighter from mass nearly got into it with the soul patch pretty boy who has garnered the friendship of the hot blonde chess expert who should immediately replace julie chen as host of the show not just because chen is the worst part of the entire cbs lineup but because the blonde is spectacular on several dimensions.

    simultaneously the hot tempered cuban chick nearly went to blows with the usually easy going and pensive iraqi(!) graphic artist from irvine whose nerve was struck when he was (falsely) accused by her of disrespecting women.

    in a move that i havent ever seen in big brother history, a producer of the show through a loudspeaker in the backyard of the house, instructed the soon-to-be warring factions to adjurn to separate parts of the house and cool down, which they did, sadly, and no blows were thrown, thus ending what could have been the best episode in reality television since the time the dude in survivor fell into the firepit.

    but what sick bastard sticks red ants and black ants under a magnifying glass only to put them in timeout when they merely do what comes naturally? although all the characters involved are interesting and likeable in their own unique ways, nothing would have pleased me on my leather couch with my pile of pak than to see a mele which would have resulted in the expulsion of four players in a game that appears now to have a predictable outcome.

    and if some hero thinks that the cuban chick wouldnta been able to hold her own against the iraqi then theyre sexist, and if some tv producer is under the impression that the musclebound meathead would have caused permanent damage to the fratboy then he obviously hasnt seen very many fights.

    i love big brother and ive always loved big brother but the first rule of reality tv is dont fuck with the reality. they didnt stop that dude a few seasons ago from taunting that chick with a knife and nothing came of it, and although the producers did intervene in the second season of the show after one of the chicks cleaned the toilet with one of the dude’s toothbrush, they let her do it first and Then they had her apologize and replace the toothbrush before he used it.

    fuckers are going to get me to subscribe to the 24 hour feeds for the first time ever, because even though they all had a heart to heart house meeting, it all revolved around the tension brought up by the muscleheaded fireman who is safe for this week but who will probably be voted out next week because of this near-riot.

    and who will come out smelling like roses?


    cuz girls wear skirts.

    oh yeah and i took down raymi’s banner because people do read the busblog at work and it might get innocent people in trouble. but raymi i love you and your nakedness is totally fine with me. in a perfect world i would have a nudie blog and your image would be all over that shit.

    speaking of which, for more nudes of miss toronto make your way to

    raymi + jen + and fil + top pic of krista + fuck this website