1. Monday, August 15, 2005

    twenty one minutes with tony 

    starring tony as the beaver.

    ive decided that the reason that this blog hit an icy patch this summer was because i havent been chasing any girls. nor have i allowed any girls to chase me.

    ive been super good at playing impossible to get for a while and i let my guard down for this new job and it doesnt matter what hoop they ask me to jump through ive said k and its been all good.

    today someone asked me to be in a tv show. i tried to tell the nice person that im not talent but she insisted. and when the time is right i will make my way to the other side of the camera and let people like xeni and wil get the makeup applied and i will sit in the control room with my feet up and thats the way those of us who really dont want to be on tv let it happen.

    yesterday in the comments someone asked me about marriage. in a perfect world i know exactly who i would marry, i know exactly where we live, and i know exactly what we’d name our kids.

    angus, evel, and jezebelle.

    and i know exactly what id do for a living.

    id have a morning tv talk show for kids. we’d have two-minute cartoons the likes theyve never seen. there will be art projects and things to do on your computer and games and magic tricks, monsters, and tales of good and evil.

    and kids would send in dvds of themselves telling jokes and punk’ing their grandparents, and theyd bring their pets on the air and we’d watch the pets wizz all over the stage.

    my hero growing up was mr. ray rayner and the problem with deregulation is there arent really any local programming any more and if ray rayner was around today he would be selling cars because aint no way ray rayner woulda been able to do his thing because wgn isnt really wgn any more. its tribune corp. and tribune corp can lick me.

    cubs won yesterday, speaking of trib corp. and i dont know about this dusty baker character. how come he can get his dudes to beat the cards 2 outta 3 but not cincy? i must say that its pretty nice to see kerry wood come in in the eighth after mark prior with rick dempster closing. pretty nice indeed. but seriously wtf.

    and its nice that nomah is hitting again, although if he had driven in a run i might still be in the race in this one fantasy league.

    but you dont wanna hear about that, you wanna hear about how i should go back to chasing skirts again.

    something happened to me this weekend. i was at a fancy party in malibu. i was at the biggest house ive ever been in. and the nicest. the pool was huge and the hottub was tiny. when you went inside the house they had it so you werent sure if you were inside cuz they had gardens and trees in the inside and you looked up and there was the sky and yep you were inside but you were outside.

    the floor curved down when you were upstairs and the kitchen didnt have any walls. and the girls were cute and one of them had a wig on. and i wish i was making this up but im not on the pipe any more, so this is all real. and the music was techno but not bad and the sky was clear and the moon was up there sorta crescenty and it was saying hi tone, welcome back to malibu. this is where you nearly lost your virginity but you chose ventura instead. and i love you malibu and i always have. we will be together again one day.

    and i look at that town the way the indians probably look at america. i dont think that anyone really deserves it except for those who have been there forever. and even though i first set foot there 21 years ago, even thats not long enough.

    and a girl came up to me and asked if i had a light and i said baby you shouldnt smoke and she said you shouldnt drink. and i said how about you drink my drink and i’ll smoke your smoke and before i could see in the darkness what she was smoking she said deal and we swapped and there was a huge joint in my hand the size of a taquito.

    only because im a man of my word did i light it and smoke it after i cracked open her cold beer.

    and we shared the thing and the beer as she gave me a little tour of the mansion and once again i was distracted by the scenery to ask for her number but there it was, i had gone over a month without the herb and heres a few things i learned from the experience: weed still doesnt affect me much so im not going to touch the stuff for at least another month, pepperdine girls give away everything with their eyes, and perfume is truly underrated.

    i had a dream about johnny rotten last night.

    first good dream ive had in years.

    k times + heroinegirl + mc brown knows everyone + my new podcast with raymi