busblog

nothing in here is true

  1. Friday, September 30, 2005

    yes it’s true 

    in two weeks i will be working for Buzznet.

    and on my first day i will be flying across the country to new york city.

    to see you.

    and to shake hands and all the things you do at conventions like BlogOn.

    while im there i hope to meet:
    christie
    evil china doll
    jamie
    jeff jarvis
    howard stern
    lowermanhattanite
    that dude from the hello deli
    and the rest of you who read the busblog and live in the big apple

    what i’d like to know is:
    where’s there a good inexpensive hotel in the city

    and:
    where a good bar would be for all of us to meet on monday night October 17

    i havent been to new york in a very long time, im totally looking forward to it,

    it still hasnt sunk in that i will be representing Buzznet and traveling with the good MC Brown

    and it hasnt sunk in that i am getting a second chance to work for a tech company and it still hasnt sunk in that im so lucky to get all these chances.

    i also hope to meet my book agent.

    and i hope to see yankee stadium.

    i’ll be there for four days. i doubt i’ll get to do all the things that i hope to do but who knows.

    and it would be cool to either see a letterman taping or a daily show taping

    and to visit scores.

    and to have fun.

    this has been quite a bizarre year and this only adds to the weirdness, fortunaly its all good, as the kids say.

  2. 38 Questions For Your Ass Meme 

    1. What is your full name now? Tony Pierce III

    2. What color trousers are you wearing? Blue jeans. I’m a crappy dresser.

    3. What are you listening to right now? Bill Monroe – All the Classic Releases

    4. What was the last thing you ate? I’m currently eating a bananna thank you.

    5. Do you wish on stars? Yes, I wish they’d eat healthier.

    6. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? was Burnt Sienna a color?

    7. How is the weather right now? hot and smokey

    8. Last person you spoke to on the phone? my best friend Chris

    9. Do you like the person who sent this to you? how can’t you like the hottest black chick in Holland?

    10. How old are you today? 111, but i will be 112 in 23 days.

    11. Favorite soft drink? Diet Dr. Pepper

    12. Favorite sport? usually checking out tourist girls at venice beach, but with this Yankess Red Sox series about to start, I’d have to say baseball.

    13. Hair color? bald

    14. Siblings? 2.

    15. Favorite food? Beefaroni. When will Chef Boyardi get his shot on the Iron Chef?!

    16. What was the last movie you saw? Corpse Bride – great images, a few good jokes, dumb songs

    17. Favorite day of the year? Opening Day.

    18. What was your favorite toy as a child? Nerf Basketball, and my APBA cards.

    19. Summer or winter? Theres only one season here in LA and I love it.

    20. Hugs or kisses? Hugs can be confusing. So kisses.

    21. Chocolate or Vanilla? These are the silliest questions. Of course chocolate. You dont give your sweetie a box of vanillas.

    22. Do you want your friends to email you back? I want them to post this on their blogs like normal people.

    23. Who is most likely to respond? Raymi.

    24. Who is least likely to respond? Flagrant.

    25. Living arrangements? I live alone in Hollywood trying to keep up the myth of the modern american bachelor.

    26. When was the last time you cried? when the Cubs lost to the Marlins in the playoffs a few years ago.

    27. What is under your bed? suitcases, baseball cards, baseball cleats, tons of magazines of all sorts.

    28. Who is the friend you have had the longest? my man bobby d. since kindegarden.

    29. What did you do last night? I watched Survivor, Love Inc, Stankervison, tuesday’s Real World, and Al Franken. And i talked to Chris as she smoked cigarettes.

    30. Favorite TV shows? Lost, Love Inc., the Daily Show, and Real Time with Bill Maher.

    31. What are you afraid of? going to Hell.

    32. Plain, buttered or salted popcorn? evenly buttered and perfectly salted. the best way i have found is to get one of those little flat boxes and dump the popcorn in there, then butter it, then salt it. the bag never works cuz you get all that butter and salt in your first few handfuls and then nothing in the middle or bottom.

    33. Favorite car? 82 Vette.

    34. Favorite Flower? Gerbers are very flowery.

    35. Number of keys on your key ring? 3. house key, car key, PO Box key.

    36. Favorite vacations? when i was just about to turn 21 i flew to europe alone and took trains around for a month. id like to do that again one day.

    37. Three Bloggers who don’t blog enough: Awww! Great Question!!! Anti, Leah, Tiffany

    38. Six friends who you are tagging: Flagrant + Jenny (id have also picked matt but he’s too busy with his day job) + Bunny + Heather + Emmanuelle + xTx

  3. im running late for work 

    so lets see if we can do an eight minutes with tony ready… go.

    california is the best place in the world which is why we pretend the good Lord has earthquakes and mudslides and locust and high housing prices and fires to discourage the riff raff.

    the truth is those things dont really happen we just broadcast them on tv. its sorta like the special fx department of the major studios doing a spring cleaning.

    everythings on a blue screen.

    hot chick came over last night and said why arent you in chopper one saving lives. i was all cuz its a huge fakeout. if you look closely those are the same clips we used last year when the ronald reagan library was “close” to being burned down. and she said but but

    and i was all baby Lost is more real than these fires.

    and she said, but i can smell it!

    as you know i live in hollywood and the fires are on the other side of the county

    i said what you smell is movie magic

    she said what about that man crying? i said act-ting!

    she said but but

    i was like hottie half the sunsets are reruns, half the “murders” are for CSI’s… the governor is an actor, the president is a bad actor, heck for all you know im an actor – do you really think my name is tony pierce, shit.

    she said but but

    i was all, baby when youre not cheerleading what do you take classes for?

    she said, acting.

    i was all, exactly. and the only reason you dont know about all of this is cuz youre not a pro yet. as soon as you get your SAG card they’ll tell you. and part of that card means that during special times you have to run out there and act your little ass off. why do you think i liked the riots so much? i made bank that week.

    and she was so confused that it took me an hour to get her top off.

    in other news, i gave my notice yesterday and in two weeks i will start working for mr mc brown over at buzznet.

    white house critical of racist bennett + congrats sk and dan! + popie + beautiful mistake

  4. Thursday, September 29, 2005

    two years ago 

    today on the world famous busblog

    if i could be anywhere in the world right now it would be doing jello shots with karisa in zuma until the marine layer burns off.

    but since thats not possible since we both have real jobs that prevent us from actually living our lives, i will instead dream of where i might be if i wasnt here in chopper one flying over the haze and smog of hollywood wishing someone would tell me who to chase or kill or follow or fuck up.

    today i wish i was back being an fbi test pilot. most testers dont actually fly all the planes, sometimes we have to test other things. gross things, like torture devices, like poisons, like quote unquote drugs, like esp techniques, like powers of manipulation.

    you are getting sleepy, for example, very sleepy.

    one of the things we tested a long long time ago was a device that would allow us to walk on water, very much like that pictured.

    scary thing was it wasnt water that we tested it on, it was acidic liquid that had lots and lots of nasty chemicals in it.

    and it was on fire.

    and people were shooting at us.

    needless to say we figured out how to do it, but it wasnt a bulletproof solution because that item sunk right away, poor merle.

    supertsar7: im totally writing about you
    karissssa: haha- what about?
    supertsar7: how i wish i was doing body shots with you in zuma right now
    karissssa: mmmmmm…..
    karissssa: totally.
    supertsar7: i think youd want me to shave my chest and or belly before taking a body shot off me
    karissssa: haha- i don’t mind chest hair.
    supertsar7: you have just leapfrogged yourself as the coolest girl in america
    karissssa: hahahahahahaha! yay!

    in defense of a racist + ben wants this to go back to black + wil wheaton + herb

  5. Wednesday, September 28, 2005

    on a day when the instapundit 

    convienently glossed over the fact that his (white) representative inconceiveably tried, failed, and then complained when he was denied membership to Tennessee’s Black Legislative Caucus, strangely this wasn’t the most embarrassing and head-scratching moment from a Republican on Wednesday.

    Rep. Stacey Campfield (R-Knoxville) probably thought he had won the most dumbassed statement of the day when he complained about his rebuff to the 18-member caucus, but he would have been wrong.

    On any other day saying something as ignorant as “My understanding is that the KKK doesn’t even ban members by race,” would have earned the freshman lawmaker from the Instapundit’s city the dubious distinction of being the day’s dingiest dumbass, especailly after adding that the most famous racist American hatemongers, the Klan, “has less racist bylaws” than the black lawmakers’ group.

    But the racist of the day, infact, has to go to Fox News Contributor, and former Drug Czar Bill Bennett who yesterday on his nationally-syndicated radio show said that if all Black pregnancies were aborted, US crime would go down.

    That’s right, Ronald Reagan’s former Secretary of Education went there

    on the radio

    for everyone to hear,

    or in mediamatters’ case, to transcribe:

    I do know that it’s true that if you wanted to reduce crime, you could — if that were your sole purpose, you could abort every black baby in this country, and your crime rate would go down. That would be an impossible, ridiculous, and morally reprehensible thing to do, but your crime rate would go down. So these far-out, these far-reaching, extensive extrapolations are, I think, tricky.

    oh, and they also have an mp3

    bennett however doesn’t speculate on how less crime there’d be if you aborted every white baby, or every Christian baby, or every baby from republican parents — which is the flaw to his arguement and the essence of his racism. for some reason he simply chose to single-out Black babies, even though Blacks only account for 11% of the nation.

    if one was to take bennett’s approach, that of aborting children to prevent crime, why not abort all children, or all baby boys. surely you’d nip in the bud far more potential criminals that way.

    but instead the author of the Book of Virtues, The Moral Compass, and The Children’s Book of Faith targeted, in his example, only Black fetuses.

    was it a Black baby who grew up to be the House Majority Leader who was indicted today for allegedly money laundering aka conspiracy today?

    was it a Black baby who grew up to be the Senate Majority Leader who was allegedly given insider information which prompted him to dump his stock before it dramatically fell, prompting the SEC to formally begin its investigation today?

    according to Bennett’s eye-opening theory, if those men were aborted as children those alleged crimes wouldnt have happened and thus the crime rate would have gone down.

    racism is a tricky thing, he’s right. you have to open your mouth, stick your foot in there, and shove it deep down your throat while singling out one minority race to unjustly stereotype in a negative, and oftentimes, violent way.

    the instapundit’s representative displayed the ignorant side of racism, but Bill Bennett showed the horrifyingly eerie and cruel side of racist thought that many thought was overreaching to even bring up during the tragedies in New Orleans.

    but here we have two more examples of right wing white men in positions of power spreading their ignorance and hate so casually and boldly that they dont even blink.

    it’s tricky to be a horse’s ass.

    We are not thugs we don’t use drugs but you assume on your own
    They offer coke and lots of dope but we just leave it alone
    It’s like that y’all (y’all), but we don’t quit
    You keep on shock shock… Cause this is it…

    buzzmachine + raymi + a blog soup + bicycle mark

  6. i dont think most of you understand, 

    this thing isnt supposed to look like this, its not supposed to read like this, its not supposed to be like this. its supposed to be punk rock and edgy, arty and poetic, sexy and surreal,

    scary and hairy and all kinds of weird turned into weirder still.

    and all the fly ladies are supposed to throw their virtual panties in the air while the cash money millionaires offer me better deals than the next.

    but i’ll take what is instead. which is this. and by this i mean the busblog writing something true and good and real and surreal and weird and wonderful and sexy and hopeful and ideal and rockin and beautiful.

    the cubs made it.

    today they slammed the door on the central and they said fuck houston, fuck st. louis, and fuck pittsburg with a doubleheader sweep.

    as if it werent a thing.

    theres two ways i could handle this. i could do what i did all year and try to play it cool, or i could write about the cubs every day like you know i should.

    after the game karisa invited me over to eat some of her homemade clam chowdah.

    it was pretty damn good.

    what the cubs did today they havent done in 14 years. that means some of the girls ive dated lately were 5 years old the last time my team was in the playoffs. my shit is so wrong.

    best part of karisas chowder was the bacon. nice little tasty morsals. how ya gonna beat that?

    for her sake i hope the redsox make it to the world series against the cubs.

    and i hope it gets to a seventh game, cuz everyone knows that the last four times the sox were in the world series they lost in the seventh game. but thats mean.

    wouldnt mind taking on the yankees either.

    but first its the mighty hotlanta braves. a team that took four out of six from the cubbies during the regular season.

    but you know what.

    fuck atlanta who always rolls over in rocktober anyway and then bring on the giants.

    the way wont be easy

    but it will be good.

    prior sosa

    moises

    and wood.

    nickerblog + superjux + lonely in japan + maizzy wearing a brownie shirt

  7. three years ago 

    today

    i was cutting my filet mignon in first class jetting from miami to LAX thinking about how red meat doesn’t agree with me any more. thinking about how i don’t like hugh grant and i really don’t like him when he’s really good in really good movies like “about a boy.” i was doing my best to resist the luxury the rich have become used to. i was trying to keep it real.

    the blonde stewardess had a bottle of red in one hand and a bottle of white in the other. i was chewing on a mouthful of spinach salad and buttering my warm sourdough roll and i nodded towards the red.

    i wasn’t keeping shit real.

    i did have surfer shorts on, an ac/dc tshirt, marilyn manson on the mp3 cd player that my good buddy got me off my wishlist last year. but i was laughing at a film produced by the makers of bridget jones diary and about to dive back into a novel i was totally loving from the oprah book club.

    i knew things were really bad when i couldn’t keep my eyes off the clouds.

    they were amazing. i wasn’t on drugs. i wasn’t in love. i wasn’t emotional in any way, i was entranced by them. they were like rockstars up there, i couldn’t keep my eyes off of them and i couldn’t believe i was so close to them. i was in the front row, i was backstage, i was on stage.

    they were great flying over texas, they were great over new mexico. there weren’t any in palm springs but they were creeping that way and they covered the entire LA basin and as we made our descent they were like snow that had been skied over by thousands of vacationers. they were still. they were stoic. they had stories to tell about their creation. they were going somewhere. they were covering a news story. they were peeking at our lives.

    over miami they stole the sun and sifted the rays. in la they were the sunscreen. spf 75. in aruba they simply provided sunshowers, tears from the gods who had no beachtowels.

    it made me want to be a pilot. but only on cloudy days.

    this is the busblog and i wouldn’t be totally honest if i didn’t reveal that when i changed trains today at wilshire and vermont i took the wrong train for the first time in over a year. i took the train that wasn’t going to take me to work, but take me back home, where the gorgeous twenty year old was snoozing in my bed, hopefully dreaming of nice things instead of allowing the demons to whisper silly lies in her dreams.

    i don’t deserve any of the good that comes my way. for the record. i don’t deserve the incredibly delicious wine flavored au jus on my steak or the leather recliner or blonde stewardesses or the island girls, or the vacations, or the attentions, or the friends who pick me up at the airport, or the ones who call me upon arrival, or the raiders kicking ass, or you, or this, or that.

    but i will take it and i will appreciate it.

    and i will do my best not to lie so much the rest of this year.

    i stole an LA Times today from a machine and i don’t feel the slightest bit guilty.

    house majority leader steps down, will karl rove will be next? developing…

  8. busblog yahoo nba hoops is back! 

    click here to join one or both of these Private Leagues

    two leagues for you to pick from: one live draft 10/15, one on 10/16

    League ID#: 38329
    League Name: busblog
    Password: shaq
    Draft Type: Live Draft
    Draft Time: Sat Oct 15 12:00pm PDT

    League ID#: 38695
    League Name: busblog2
    Password: jordan
    Draft Type: Live Draft
    Draft Time: Sun Oct 16 12:00pm PDT

    good luck, but i will win :)

  9. the bob dylan doc on pbs 

    monday and tuesday night were waiting for me on my tivo and it made me think and think and think and then it made me miss ashley.

    as you know ive had a blessed life. there should never be a time when im black on the inside or black on the blog or black at all except in my heart, but there in a good way.

    i missed ashley because sometimes id put dylan on when we’d make out and you really cant do that with a teenager at the turn of the century who knows all the words to incubus but nothing from blood on the tracks.

    and youd think that those wouldnt be the types of girls id make out with but pretty much everyone is wrong about me.

    people love to put people in boxes is what i learned from this dylan doc.

    folk singer.

    creative.

    pretty much every job that ive ever had they say at first that im not organized and i just let them say what they wanna say cuz theyre not gonna listen too close to me anyways.

    just like how you cant explain bob dylan to a topless teenager in a hotel room in frisco, people will either eventually figure out that some things arent like anything else in the world, or they’ll miss the boat entirely.

    bob dylan means the world to me.

    what i learned from him is to keep your head down and dont listen to the boundaries being pushed because of course theyre going to screech and howl

    and when the reporters ask their questions lie and smile.

    when i was in college i wrote a little peice for the santa barbara news-press. it wasnt a long thing it was short and they didnt put it in the regular part of the newspaper they put it on the front page of the classifieds.

    i was a writer at the time for the college paper and even though i didnt have any exclusive thing going for the paper, im a loyal man. and the only reason i did it was cuz the fratboy associated students president did it the week before so when the newspress called our office and asked me to write something in rebuttal to stir up some controversy the good people of santa barbara lompoc and goleta could turn to the classifieds and go to the campus corner and see the mudslinging there.

    the newspress thought they were so smart getting the red ants and the black ants to fight for their folly next to mattresses being sold and prayers being offered up to st. christopher.

    but the black kid with the afro holding the skateboard next to his column about the sellout president of the students had the last laugh because secretely the only reason that i did that column was because i noticed that the AS president had listed his grade point average, major, year next to his name

    so when the editor asked me my major i said english, when he asked me my year i said junior and when he asked me my gpa i lied and said 3.9 knowing full well that those bastards had no time or inclination to fact check such a petty thing like the gpa of the sports editor of the paper.

    especially since i had attacked the president so hard in my column accusing him of trying to impress his boyfriends at his frathouse, excuse me, brothers, by sucking up to the chancellor and doing her bidding by voting for what she wished etc etc.

    so when it ran i clipped it, and mailed it to my mother and said ma your boy finally has a respectable gpa!

    and my poor mother was deathly afraid that id be sued by the paper until i told her that if she looked closer to the picture of her son holding the skateboard she would plainly see that my fingers were crossed.

    which in california completely absolves you of any crime.

    sex and hockey + futur is ticky + gorilla mask + raptor blog

  10. Tuesday, September 27, 2005

    get your Brownie shirts while they’re still hot 

    Who’s Brownie? Former FEMA Cheif Michael Brown who, after the horrendous (in)actions of his department was asked to return to Washington DC a few days after the flooding in New Orleans and later resigned.

    The quote “Heck of a job, Brownie” comes from President George Bush upon his first visit to Louisiana, apparently not being told the extent of mishaps that Brown’s team was responsible for.

    Heres a sample of those bunglings from three different articles:

    New York Times 9/11/05:

    “The agency dispatched only 7 of its 28 urban search and rescue teams to the area before the storm hit and sent no workers at all into New Orleans until after the hurricane passed on Monday, Aug. 29.”
    http://www.blogger.com/img/gl.link.gif
    “Rather than initiate relief efforts — buses, food, troops, diesel fuel, rescue boats — the agency waited for specific requests from state and local officials.”

    “Hundreds of firefighters, who responded to a nationwide call for help in the disaster, were held by the federal agency in Atlanta for days of training on community relations and sexual harassment before being sent on to the devastated area.”

    “FEMA would not let the trucks unload,” Mr. Vines said in an interview. “The drivers were stuck for several days on the side of the road about 10 miles from Camp Beauregard. FEMA said we had to have a ‘tasker number.’ What in the world is a tasker number? I have no idea. It’s just paperwork, and it’s ridiculous.”

    Washington Post 9/11/05:

    “Around midnight, at the last of the day’s many conference calls, local officials ticked off their final requests for FEMA and the state. Maestri specifically asked for medical units, mortuary units, ice, water, power and National Guard troops. ‘We laid it all out,’ he recalled. ‘And then we sat here for five days waiting. Nothing!'”

    August 29: “‘We were all watching the evacuation,’ Maj. Gen. Richard Rowe, Northcom’s top operations officer, recalled. ‘We knew that it would be among the worst storms ever to hit the United States.’ But on Monday, the only request the U.S. military received from FEMA was for a half-dozen helicopters.”

    August 30: “Col. Jeff Smith, Louisiana’s emergency preparedness chief, grew frustrated at FEMA’s inability to send buses to move people out….’They have a tracking system and they’d say: “We sent 349.” But we didn’t see them.'”

    “At the noon videoconference, several participants said, Louisiana’s Smith heatedly demanded federal help. Where were the buses? At first, Smith recalled, he had asked for 450 buses, then 150 more, then an additional 500; by the end of the day, none had arrived. The first evacuees did not arrive at the Astrodome until 10 p.m. Wednesday — on a school bus commandeered by a resourceful 20-year-old.”

    September 1: “On Thursday, after FEMA took over the evacuation, aviation director Roy A. Williams complained that ‘we are packed with evacuees and the planes are not being loaded and there are gaps of two or three hours when no planes are arriving.’ Eventually, he started fielding ‘calls from airlines saying, “Well, we are being told by FEMA that you don’t need any planes.” And of course we need planes. I had thousands of people on the concourses.'”

    Time 9/19/05:

    “While people were dying in New Orleans, the U.S.S. Bataan steamed offshore, its six operating rooms, beds for 600 patients and most of its 1,200 sailors idle.

    Foreign nations — responding to urgent calls from Washington — readied rescue supplies, then were told to stand by for days until FEMA could figure out what to do with them.”

    “Last Thursday, as the Red Cross began distributing its own debit cards, thousands stood for hours in the 93 (degree) heat outside the Astrodome in Houston for FEMA cards that never came.”

    so how did BushCo reward Brownie after he resigned in shame because of the one-two punch of having shown no leadership ability, organizational skills, or wherewithall to handle the disaster in the Gulf Coast AND having been exposed as having lied all over his resume which also outted him as someone who had no experience in these matters?

    Well yesterday they hired him to be a consultant

    for FEMA.

    heck of a job, Brownie.

    keep up these sorts of quotes and we’ll be making new shirts soon:

    “I know what I am doing. And I think I do a pretty darn good job of it.” – Brownie, 9/27/05

    (the profits of the tshirts go to the Red Cross)

    original coverage of this scandal + get your brownie merch here