fyi. i know i whined a little this morning and i might whine a little in the future. and i know that even though i try my best not to totally rip off the fine work and style of mr charles bukowski, if theres one thing that i am 100% concious of is that mr charles bukowski never whined. he wined but didnt whine. and compared to him i have a great life. sure he ended up with a great life, but i have one now.
if youre ever in doubt just go to technorati and put “tony pierce” in there – with the quotes and you’ll see totally mindblowing things like the mighty doc searls put me in incredible company just yesterday
“I’m a fan of very few celebrities. Or writers. Or both. Mostly both, I guess. John McPhee I’ve told you about. George Lakoff too. Hal Crowther. I’m also fond of Stephanie Brush, Fran Liebowitz, William F. Buckley, Cynthia Heimel, Hunter S. Thompson, Mark Twain, Howard Stern, John Updike, Tony Pierce, Chris Locke, David Weinberger and Saul Bellow, even though it’s hard to connect their dots — except that they all make me laugh. (Not always in some cases, but sometimes in all cases.)”
for those of you who actually know who mr searls is thats quite a compliment. so dont ever feel bad for me.
for example, i have a book agent. yes me, dorkwad. and even though i dont have any published books, like officially published books, i have an agent. for some reason shes the only person who believes and understands the disclaimer “nothing in here is true” so she has not only been trying to pimp me out on some secret projects but she doesnt believe that i have a new job.
so today she emailed me to see if i was interested in being a personal assistant for probably the most beautiful porn star in the entire world.
which is pretty tempting, let me tell you.
but i know how this will end up. sure id make a great personal assistant, especially since i have a car now, and a cool cell phone, but porn is a slippery slope, and anyone who knows me knows that i have a million ideas about a million things
but i have a billion ideas for porn.
possibly a kabillion.
my only problem is i want to go to Heaven one day and theres no way i’ll be able to meet St. Peter and say, yes sir i took whatever gifts i was given to revolutionize the porno world, so thanks, now may i meet jimi?
plus its hard to beat my ten minute commute and anyone familiar with LA knows that only an idiot would live in hollywood and quit working in hollywood to fight the traffic of the ventura freeway every morning even if your job would be to hang out with porn stars and do their bidding.
wait, what did i just say.