1. Friday, September 30, 2005

    im running late for work 

    so lets see if we can do an eight minutes with tony ready… go.

    california is the best place in the world which is why we pretend the good Lord has earthquakes and mudslides and locust and high housing prices and fires to discourage the riff raff.

    the truth is those things dont really happen we just broadcast them on tv. its sorta like the special fx department of the major studios doing a spring cleaning.

    everythings on a blue screen.

    hot chick came over last night and said why arent you in chopper one saving lives. i was all cuz its a huge fakeout. if you look closely those are the same clips we used last year when the ronald reagan library was “close” to being burned down. and she said but but

    and i was all baby Lost is more real than these fires.

    and she said, but i can smell it!

    as you know i live in hollywood and the fires are on the other side of the county

    i said what you smell is movie magic

    she said what about that man crying? i said act-ting!

    she said but but

    i was like hottie half the sunsets are reruns, half the “murders” are for CSI’s… the governor is an actor, the president is a bad actor, heck for all you know im an actor – do you really think my name is tony pierce, shit.

    she said but but

    i was all, baby when youre not cheerleading what do you take classes for?

    she said, acting.

    i was all, exactly. and the only reason you dont know about all of this is cuz youre not a pro yet. as soon as you get your SAG card they’ll tell you. and part of that card means that during special times you have to run out there and act your little ass off. why do you think i liked the riots so much? i made bank that week.

    and she was so confused that it took me an hour to get her top off.

    in other news, i gave my notice yesterday and in two weeks i will start working for mr mc brown over at buzznet.

    white house critical of racist bennett + congrats sk and dan! + popie + beautiful mistake