1. Monday, September 26, 2005

    theres a reason i dont publicize what im gonna do 

    before i do it.

    made it to the 5:30 showing of corpse bride at my favorite movie theatre The Vista and it was ok. but as soon as i got out of the door this crazy woman walked next to me

    i know why Stiff isnt coming out.

    why do i do this to myself.

    why do i trust the world. why do i break my own rules why do i sometimes put true things on a blog thats perfectly happy with beautiful lies.

    i know when you’ll die.

    never know whats going on never care whats going on if she said she had a bag of weed ida told her i had a big black bong.

    just stop for a second she told me its your heart its your heart that stops you.

    not on a sunday i thought. no mediums or psycics on the Lords day. saturday or sunday i dont what they say. a long time ago i was in the woods in a chapel with these brothers, not brothas, brothers. they didnt touch me if thats what youre thinking, they touched me in a good place. they read the bible to me. no fucking around with their theories, they just read it to me.

    there were some scrawny uncoordinated retards in there who just didnt wanna get slam dunked on in basketball hour, and if wasnt for bible study ida been out there with my crossover dribble and afro and redwhitenblue kneepads and wristbands and

    the no look

    bouncepass through the paint

    i didnt need to be out there in the woods getting taught the word by the brothers as an escape as a shelter as an excuse. i was there cuz i wanted to be there cuz it was the best part of the day cuz it was the reason the Lord probably put me there, cuz everything has a reason even if its a bad reason so i stopped before i got to my car and said you have two minutes woman what do you need from me.

    she said your heart is punk rock. you cant sell out without a fight. even if its something the people want. you cant do it. it took you years just to put ads on your page. the struggle of this book is ripping you apart and causing conflict in your life. you dont need the money you dont want the money you dont want to give away the money. youve already given it away free and its still free you dont want to make this because you know you’ll make a fortune and thats in conflict with your punk rock nature of fugazi and the pistols and the hero of your book. you dont want to put a gun in your mouth when you reach the mountain top so you’ll just shoot yourself in the foot before you get there.

    my stomach hurt from the popcorn id just eaten.

    but ive seen the future and you’ll be fine. less people will buy it than you think. but the right people will love it. its them you should think about. not the gibson sg you’ll buy. not the canon camera you’ll buy. not the bills you’ll pay. not the monster tires you’ll put on your ride.

    she was ugly.

    these are good stories that you made and youre stifling them by keeping them caged up. youve gotta let them go free. youve gotta let them see the light of day. youve gotta let them be ok away from you. youve gotta stop staring at your poo.

    i told her. i think your time is up can you please walk away from me.

    she said do you promise to release the book before your birthday.

    i said every time i set a date its a curse. so no. i will make no promises to mediums or psychics who disrespect the sabbath. if i wanted a channeler id call up my friend ann who i respect and trust.

    and she said how do you know ann isnt talking through me right now.

    i said cuz ann knows how i feel about sundays.

    and the woman said something that i didnt expect

    she said

    didnt Jesus heal on one particular Sunday.

    and she bit her lip and walked away.

    human landscape + paige + krista + happy birthday small island girl