1. Sunday, October 16, 2005

    dateline brooklyn. im drunk. im in ny. 

    im hot. ive been drinking since th3e airplane. im on a mac. im watching the cards stros game. im wearing the dumbest hat that old navy was selling. i went on subways like crazy today. i borught a seven day pass which is good cuz i went the wrong way on one train and got off and got to the other side of tghe tracks and some worker guy 15 minutes into me stanidng there said no trains goonna stop there.

    i was all ok.

    i think he knew i was a tourist.

    i stayed last night at amy collins langfields house. so nice. she also lives in brooklyn. earlier in the night we atgtended a party ion brooklyn at fat mans new pad. he has a back yard. all these excellent people showed up including jagger who i hadnt seen in a while, and then i got very confused because i coulda sworn he said that his wife was a big fan of mine and when this very nice young woman arrived she smiled and said she loved the busblog and we both bluyshed and but then i was talking to a fourth grade art teacher and i said nice meeitng you and she said ive met you several times including coulters wedding and i was all huh well if you say so. and for some reason i was under the assumption that she was jaggers girlfriend. but maybe thats how they roll here in the apple. if so, then i understand why so many people live here and put up with the high rents.

    before all that me and mc brown took a cab from the airport to midtown. my mind was blown to say the least. partially because i barely leave the 323 let alone drive down to the LBC hop into jet blue watch directv and then four hours later arrive on the other coast. everything looked like a spike lee movie. so we got to midtown and marc knows this dude who works for mtv so we climbed four flights of narrow staiors and hung out with him. his names john. john was good people. he had richard hell on. how do you beat that. we drank waters and checked our email but i had to gets to fats so i bid adieu to them and got in one cab and handed him the directions to brooklymn but the dude said he didnt know how to get there, got out, got another cab and that dude said he didnt know brookln at all. got out found a third guy and that guy was like a philipino kid and he was all, uhhhh. so i got out, got a slice of pizza from this teensy tiny pizza place that i wanted to hug it was so perfect including a little cheater window for the 14 year old delivery boy to pick up his pies and pay for them and ting ting roll away into the darkness.

    got a slice and a coke and got into a fourth taxi but before i put my suitcase in the trunk i asked the indian fellow if he knew how to get to brookln and he said of course. and i said how come no one else does? and he said, they just dont want to go there cuz its a beautiful night and they dont want to have to come back to teh island empty and i said dude big tipper is my middle name and he said then i know brooklyn perfectly.

    so i ate in the back of the checker cab and listened to him speak indian to his woman and we had manhattan to the right and the bridges to the left and traffic everyhwheres cuz there was a car fire and i was all shit man i am living the life and i drank my cola and he said why are you here and i said porn convention can you turn on the angels game? and it was so warm that i rolled down the window even though it was 9pm in the middle of rocktopber.

    last night after the party me and amy had a 2:30am drink at a local swanky probably gay bar right near the brookln bridge. i heart bars that say open till 4am. she asked for a menu from the gay black barkeep and she said is the kitchen still open and he said the chef is the dj so as long as you hear music theres food. fucking A NY! so we ordered a tapas plate and some fried shrimp fritters and toasted our margueritas to whytheyhateus.

    got to bed at 4am got to sleep at 401am. in the morn i tried to get this computer working so i could show you my pics but marcs card reader wasnt working on this new machine. tried to update the blog but the wifi wasnt strong enough so i just went to thje subway and got that week long pass and ended up on broadway and just walked and walked and walked and walked. walked into the puma store. walked into some other stores. walked man. walked. then i saw broome street where our party will be tomorrow night so i walked to see what Lolita’s looked like so i walked. walked through lil italy then part of chinatown and there was lolitas and it looked fine. so i walked over to somwhere else and found a mcdonalds to take a leak and they said for costumers only sir and when you call me sir i wanna say doesnt this goofy hat make me look less like a sir and instead i said gimme some of those fries and a small diet coke.

    and i ate the food and watched people go in and out of the bathroom which was a story in itself because it is only a one person at a time pisser and you cant tell if anyones in there so as soon as someone goes in there some other dude jets around the corner and tries the handle and knocks and if the dude inside doesnt say gimme a sec the guy goes to the mcdonalds lady with the key and they bust in on the dude. i sat there dipping my fries into the ketchup listening to the new stones record and just watched the show.

    by the way why didnt anyone tell me that all the chicks in new york are hot?

    and still the game is tied but im here in the two story apartment of ajs and its really big and beautifully decorated and i cant believe that she and dannette have cable but they do so i just ordered chinese and i hope they send it to me because when i told her that my cell phone number was 323 666 2323 she was all, wtf, and i said im from outta town.

    which should be painfully obvious to anyone who crossed my path today.

    amy’s neighbor stole my box of Stiff on friday, so stay tuned to see if i have any books to sell tomorrow.

    blookgate + judy miller should just get a blog + amy’s buzznet pics