1. Tuesday, October 4, 2005

    i have a sleeping problem. 

    the problem is i dont really sleep.

    thats not a problem if you always have projects to do and my latest current project was making the best book i ever made ever Stiff.

    i also have a worthiness problem.

    namely i dont think im worthy to produce the best book ive ever made and put it out there for people to buy and fawn over.

    that problem is millions times more lame than the first problem but it feeds into another problem of mine, my procrastination problem.

    often im called prolific and dedicated and lots of other generous terms in relation to my productivity, but the truth is for every half-hour that i spend blogging i waste five hours reading all of your blogs.

    in many cases waste isnt the correct word, but in some cases its just.


    the truth is, if i actually cut that ratio down by even a little i would be posting 4-5 times a day like a real blogger and i could probably just set up shop somewhere in the tropics and live a comfortable life solely as a blogger who drinks fruity cocktails and has his dick sucked twice a day by hula girls.

    but that of course wouldnt jibe with my worthiness problem very well, which is probably why i sabotage pretty much everything im any good at.

    which leads us back to Stiff.

    Stiff is a collection of my Kurt Kobain stories about the time that i died and got judged and had to pay for my sins.

    it was written years ago after i had been transferred from the closed captioning department at E! Networks to the Scheduling Dept.

    symbolically i felt like i was going to hell because my boss’s boss told me that the Scheduling Dept was the hardest and busiest place in the whole network and no way would i survive it and no way would i ever have time to think let alone blog and frankly, he said, he didnt think i could hack it.

    so i was scared.

    within the week i took a walk across the street and i wept because it looked like he was right and it looked like a co-worker was right when he predicted that my new job would “wipe the smile” from my face.

    when i was done crying i came back and killed myself in my blog.

    and for the better part of that month every entry i made in the busblog was my journey in the afterlife.

    i included parts of those stories in How To Blog but in researching that book i realized that i might be able to compile those stories into a little book that could stand on its own.

    when i was released from my duties at E! this spring i considered putting out those stories as a way to earn money during my layoff. but a funny thing happened and ii didnt need to come out with the book because some small stock deals worked out in my favor and a particular adult magazine agreed to purchase a very short story under one of my many fake names. so my summer was set.

    before i knew it i was employed again, so there was no reason to come out with Stiff since i originally only wanted to publish it for the money. but because i had talked about it people asked questions about it.

    and now that i have had a cover contest and all, and because after making a copy to check out, i have fallen back in love with the stories.

    however at only 120 pages i felt like it was too thin of a book to go forward with.

    so instead of ruining it by tacking on additional stories, i beefed it up with a variety of the poems that i had written during my youthful days at uc santa barbara. these were poems that i also loved but were far too few to ever make it in a collection alone.

    so the combo of my best novella and my favorite poems equals Stiff.

    because i am constantly making things difficult for myself, last night i made SEVEN different versions of the book. seven different covers and different insides to denote on the title page the artist responsible for the cover art.

    when i get the samples back from the printer (probably by the end of this week) i will put them on sale for you.

    and yes there will be a limited number of autographed copies that you can order directly from me.

    we’ll go into detail about that more next week, but i figured i owed you an update.

    p.s. the secret goal is to sell 666 copies, so get ready

    flagrant + just one bite + joe mael + eric case