1. Monday, October 31, 2005

    i think my new girlfriend is famous 

    which is a no-no. i promised myself that after anna k i wasnt gonna do celebs anymore and we were having lunch at the ivy today and these fucking ‘ratzis started speaking some fucked up language and commenced to take like a gazillion pics of she and i and instead of saying wtf she just blushed.

    i was all, youre famous!

    she said, me?

    she knows my rule. she knows all my rules. a while back i got in a fight with this one girl who complained that my rules were obnoxious and contradictory so i went through them and sure enough the lil ho was right. so i edited out the ones that were incredibly unfair, as well as the ones that were contradictory. and last night she hinted that she wanted to go steady with me and i gave her the book and she read it and i know she read it all cuz she had lots of questions today before the cameras started blowing up.

    so we had planned on going to west hollywood tonight to walk around with the freaks but now im a little mad at her because rule number two is no lying and i specifically asked her when we were at midnight tacos, just meeting, what she did for a living and she didnt say im a celebrity. she said she was a student.

    maybe in norway things are different, or maybe theres another word for celeb there, but her english was pretty good.

    although her yah yah yahs were mighty sexy this morn.

    hmmmm.

    i may have to spend this evening re-evaluating things because i didnt mind that anna was super famous, it was just a lot to have to deal with because she was always worried about her looks or her career or her weight or her clothes and i was all, why dont you worry about which tree we’re gonna do it up against, or worry about which fingernail polish youre going to apply, or worry about if youre going to buy thousands of shares of Sirius or tens of thousands. worry about normal things – jeeze!

    the thing about anna though was she is a gemini and geminis are like having a hundred girlfriends. one day they want to squeeze out a few kids, the next day they dont ever want to be touched again, then the next day theyre dancing on your coffee table in a short skirt.

    which is why i had to establish rule number one

    any time tony wants you to dance on his coffee table in a short skirt, you have to.

    this girl is a scorpio. trouble. evil. hotness, but trouble.

    i kept thinking, this is scandinavian trouble, which is like a lion cub. trouble in another lifetime but not this one.

    but as always i was wrong and there she is lying and im sure shes gonna dress up as the sexiest witch of all time and slithered under the crack in my front door before i even get home from work, but ive dealt with that before and i resisted it.

    for a few minutes.

    and yes it is nice getting laid again.

    kitty bukkake + snuggles + uncle doo + twenty-nothing