1. Sunday, November 27, 2005

    i had such a great time at the Chicago Buzznet Meet-up 

    that i dont even know how to explain it. maybe it was the wonderful variety of people, maybe it was the excellent location, maybe it was the endless amounts of rum and Goose Island Beer that kept getting sent my way, maybe it was the redheaded slut (pictured) that Dave the PA insisted that i shoot with him,

    or maybe it was the fact that midwestern people are the greatest in the world.

    no offense, canada.

    who knew there would be traffic on the expressway heading into the city at 7pm on saturday night, but there was. all because the city has a toll booth charging eighty cents just past the rosemont horizon which is now called the allstate center. even people with the speedpass couldnt get through quickly because traffic was backed up well beyond the oasis. i was to be late for my own party and there was nothing that could be done because that stretch of highway had no off ramps, so i just cranked the ipod and prayed for a miracle.

    then i called my mommy and asked her to call my brother and let him know that i was to be tardy and for him to tell everyone who was waiting.

    but because im a dumbass i got lost getting off exit 44a and started driving and i didnt ask for directions until i was already a good 45 minutes late. chicago sure has changed, but wrigley field has been around 100 years and yet the dude at the liquor store gave me a blank look when i asked him which way to wrigley. was i that far away from it?

    so i said, clark, addison, waveland, irving park, do you know where any of those are?

    so he said, this is devon, keep going that way and you will hit clark.

    i drove down devon and went down Little India basically which was very interesting and i would have loved to pull over and take pics but i was late. then i had to ask someone cuz Clark just wasnt anywhere to be seen, and they were all, yeah keep going.

    found Clark but the street sign said 5600 Clark and underneath it it said 1600 Clark, i was all W T F!!! make up your mind. and then i saw Evanston 1 mile so i knew i was heading the wrong way so i flipped a bitch and headed south to the mecca of all things perfect, Wrigley Field, which was situated next to where i was to meet all the great Chicago Buzznetters and Bloggers.

    got to the place a good hour and fifteen minutes late and no one approached me, not one person wanted my autograph, and there were no hot babes asking me to go home with them – this was not my beautiful home! and where was my brother?!?!

    so i called my momma and she said my bro was sick but she had called the place and they said that four people were there waiting for the Buzznet dealie and just when she said that i saw my old kindegarten buddy bobby d at the bar with two of his pals and i sat down with them and the drinking began.

    within a few minutes more people arrived, and then more, and we moved over to the fireplace, and more showed, and then more.

    whew, the kids had all decided to be fashionably late, which was great but it scared the shit outta me.

    so i met Dave the PA whose is a PA not a PA, the lively and gentlemanly Brian from thestateimin, his two Depaul pallies bassonist akhdarbazzoon and opera singer mistywordpower, mba student dailytravails and his hottie sweetpickles who arrived with Buzznet pins which was killer, and elginroots and erin the oakparkmaster, and bob and his two friends – a cozy group and you know what, perfect for the setup at the uncommon ground because we could all sit by the fire and talk about how much we loved Buzznet because just like the meetup it wasnt a circlejerk of myspace whores or the lost-in-the-supermarket feeling of flickr. people are sweet to each other on buzznet and there were always new people to discover.

    i totally agree. buzznet is the perfect size right now, i know it wont always be this way as we’re growing like mad every day but currently its killer.

    uncommon ground decided to make last call at midnight, which was fine with us because one great thing about being in a city is a short cab ride to another bar. my man bobby d knew a cool place up the road so we piled six of us into a cab and jessica and erin gave me sips from their flask of vodka and we were good. we spilled out across the street from the sweet p? the sweet t? the pee p? somewhere, and it was crowded in the front and sorta empty in the back. bobs buddy lit up a smoke and i was all you can still smoke in bars in chicago? thats awsome.

    turned out you could only smoke in the front, which is why it was packed there, and we pissed off the only other table back there, but you know what go back to russia if you dont like it commies. i dont even smoke and i believe that in america you should be allowed to do whatever destructive shit you wanna do – its why its called a bar.

    bob got a tray of booze and we pretty much drank it all. then we hopped in another cab and went to an after-hours country bar. i have no idea what it was called because at this point the endless shots and beers had begun to hit me. and that worried me because i had to drive back to the suburbs. and even though im an excellent driver and i hold my booze beautifully – while taunting the youth of america by pointing at my empties saying SEE SEE! ISLA VISTA IN THE HOUSE BITCHES, i really frown upon drunk drivers.

    so at the country bar i bought old styles for the ladies and sipped on gingerale and danced off my buzz to the band.

    the place was totally packed by the way, and i dont think anyone there was really into country music but it was 4am and it was open so why not dance to a cover band of 40somethings in ugly clothes singing johnny paycheck tunes. yes i danced yes i took blurry pictures yes i started a squaredancing circle yes i tipped like a coke dealer, yes i had a fucking awesome time in part to my buddy bob who found all the best places and also thanks in part to erin and jessica who kept it lively and fun.

    so around 4:30 the girls had disappeared so i bid adeui to bob and his bro and took a quickie little taxi back to my mommas car. and swung by the country club one last time to see if the girls just might be outside waiting for a cab and sometimes your spidey senses are right on the money. not only were they there but so was bob. so i drove bob to a hotdog place where he had parked his car, and me and the girls grabbed dogs and we cruised by wrigley and took a pic. and then i drove them home.

    on the way there i cranked Tsar and jessica was in shock as to how much she liked them and i was all baby i have lots of friends in bands but theres a reason im constantly hyping tsar – its because theyre that good. she rewarded me by eating half of my hotdog despite allegedly being a vegitarian.

    when we arrived out front of their house they invited me in for some late night board games but i had to decline because my mom would probably wake up any minute and see the icy rain coming down and fear that her only son had sped off the expressway and met his untimely death.

    but ladies, trust me, under any other circumstances i would have taken you both on and triumphed left handed. so maybe this summer when i return to wrigley.

    i got home at 5:20am and sure enough my mom had woken up a few minutes beforehand and didnt see the vette in the driveway and was a tad worried and heard me in the hall and said oh im so glad youre back and i was all ma you really should trust the Lord if youre gonna call yourself a Christian, which is a little joke i have for her because her favorite hobby is collecting mangers. i said my prayers and passed out within seconds.

    at 11:30am i woke up just in time for some orange juice, advil and the nfl today pregame show, and then watched the bears beat tampa bay. and not only did i not have to use my AK but i cant imagine a better 24 hours than what i had just encountered.

    thank you Chicago for everything, i will return, im thinking maybe we all go to a Cubs game and have a sleepover at erins house.

    more + pics + here and more to come when i upload mines