and i knew my boss was going to get on my case and i wondered if i should tell him the truth when he would ask me why i was late.
would i lie and say subway problems?
or would i tell the truth which is blonde girl showed up on my doorstep at 2am. the shoes that she came to retrieve were nicely packed into a box next to the satellite dish. in the box was a magazine with her favorite band on the cover and under the magazine was a tape of an hour of her favorite actress on it.
i might not ever talk to you if i break up with you, but if theres a box on a doorstep from me to you, odds are theres probably gonna be some good shit in it.
unfortunately, like most things, this made her cry.
she cried and knocked on my door. tap tap tap tap.
i snored peacefully.
bang bang bang bang.
more snoring. very little can wake me from my slumber. its the only time this haunted mind can stop dreaming and talking and rest. and when it rests it shuts off completely.
however, the hot woman who lives upstairs does capture my attention, pretty much at all time.
she was disturbed and she got up and went to her balcony and her hardwood floors squeaked and my heart fluttered and i woke.
knock knock knock knock.
i went to the door, turned on the porch light, opened the door. daisy princess sobbing. can i hug you she asks.
did you guys see giselle last night when the protesters hopped on the catwalk? she didn’t miss a beat. every step she made was exactly the step she would have taken if no one was there. more than just a hot brazilian, but a pro.
perhaps this isn’t what a pro would do. and obviously im no expert on women. i am a victim. anything that happens to me is because they make it so.
when i was in college i learned from the frat boys. they were handsome and rich and they had nothing inside of them other than mgd and semen but what i learned was no matter what ignorance they spewed or how many times they’d listen to legend, because they were surrounded by women with low standards, they were always satisfied.
so i learned to show up in places where there would be hot babes, keep my mouth shut, and have a clean apartment with a second pair of sheets somewhere.
all my body wants is peace and quiet and a nice hand to hold.
ashley is much more than that, and she isn’t right for me and im not right for her and the frat boys would sometimes throw stephen stills in the boom box – you know the one- where the eagles fly with the dove…
some people can let the sands of the hourglass stream through as they wait for their dreams to come true. im not so patient. i have no willpower.
i might not ever find the girl of my dreams who also thinks im the boy of her dreams but im not so sure its a great idea to sit around alone while i figure out the answer.
she apologized and made promises and asked me if there was anything that she could do to prove that she was sorry and i thought of a few things.
let me sleep, i said, with all of your friends.
she sniffed and hiccuped still sobbing a bit.
even the fat ones.
she said, im the only fat one.
then i said take off your clothes.
for leather chaffes at three am when you’re trying to sleep.