q. who are these people who claim i blog for hits?

tigers and lions and panthersa. fakers who arent paying attention

if i wanted hits id hit the Shift key a little more frequently

if i wanted hits id write about Da Bears who are blowing up

if i wanted hits id write about my displeasure with Kobe being the only watchable Laker in town which is why i dont watch the Lakers

if i wanted hits id write about the way my fingers smelled this morning

if i wanted hits id link to the Saugeen Stripper more

if i wanted hits id do what all the fratboys do to get hits: post nudes, nip slips, cooch shots, and somethingawful grossouts

if i wanted hits i wouldnt insult my readers, challenge their dumbshit comments, and insist that they start thinking for themselves

if i wanted hits id have weekly movie reviews, weekly cd reviews, weekly hotchick features, weekly blogging tips, and weekly photo tips but i dont do that because the busblog might be a lot of things but it isnt a contrived peice of formulated corp blog whose sole intent is to get more eyeballs

if i wanted hits i wouldnt be the most transparent blogger alive, and i certainly would never admit to blogging simply to get tits in my mouth as opposed to hits on my counter

if i wanted hits id update more, id spell check more, id write about Lost more, id write about Matt Good more

if i wanted hits id write about Jenny Good way more

if i wanted hits id take you in and out of the streets of Los Angeles at least once a week spotlighting the fabulous nightclubs that i frequent, the dive bars i end up at, and the afterhours penthouse suites that i pass out in

if i wanted hits youd have seen a picture of karisa on this badboy every fucking week that its been up

if i wanted hits id let the losers just slide with their lame attempts to throw a wrench in the busblog, id delete comments and ban people

if i wanted hits id tell my friends to leave nice comments when the going got rough, or id start a fake blog and name my fake name something stupid like Elmo and barrage naysayers with nonsense if anyone ever criticized tony pierce

if i wanted hits id lurk at bigger blogs and try to make a name for myself in their comments, and either id be a royal pain in the ass or a super suckass

if i wanted hits i wouldnt bite the hands that could feed me like this one and that one, both of whom list me on their blogroll, so must have seen something here that they liked, instead id keep my criticsms about them to myself and link to them with high praise whenever they do good deeds.

if i wanted hits id cut my blog surfing in half and double my blog content, but im actually a fan of the blogs that i link to, im a fan of the blogosphere, im a fan of the genre and im up every night til 4am not writing to get hits but reading cuz i like it.

if i wanted hits id write shorter peices and market the good stuff.

if i wanted hits id withhold the best stuff and sell it to the loyals at Christmas

if i wanted hits id make my page quicker to load and easier to read

if i wanted hits id have scars on my knees

like your friends the sellouts

but i dont want hits and ive never wanted money, ive never wanted popularity but some things youre cursed with.

i charge three times the going rate for a blog with the sort of hits i get so id have to spike my shit super high for the advertisers to get their money’s worth if hits was the only reason that they displayed their message here, but its my belief that they advertise here because this isnt a sellout blog concerned with hits

this isnt a sellout blog who writes things for attention

this isnt a sellout blog who bites its tongue because omg someone might be upset

it is the unedited unspellchecked once typed and probably never read again diary entry of an undercover superhero fighting the good fight in hollywood california in a blog that pretends that nothing in here is true

and that attracts the good readers of the interweb who the good advertisers want to reach

not just soulless eyeballs

not just linedancing robots with wheel of fortune frozen on their idiot box

if i wanted hits id change everything about this blog and do everything differently but i dont think about hits any more than i think about ads and i dont think about pussy either

which is why i get all three and then some

and then some.

paige + alex + binsk

this has been a very interesting week

the cubs finally did the right thing and got themselves a proper lead off man, my friend marilyn manson married finally did the right thing and married his true love dita von teese,

and for some reason i was accused of being anti-Semitic because i dared question the cadre of right wing bloggers who make up the surprisingly ridiculous pajamas media.

as the week progressed more and more blogs picked up on the theory and some supported my speculation that because the Bush administration has been caught corrupting every other form of media in america and has recently been caught paying for goodnews stories aka propaganda to be printed in iraqi newspapers that theres a great likelihood that theyre also involved in propaganda and/or corruption in omg… blogs,


yes blogs, the last frontier.

(until al gore invents a new frontier)

some agreed that pajamas media sure isnt acting like a shrewd business or even a freewheeling dot com – theyre acting suspicious and queer and freaky and sorta drunk but not happy drunk or horny drunk but sleepy drunk, the worst drunk possible when youre trying to steer a ship or a zeppelin or a train.

and of course there were those who disagreed with me and said that i was jealous or that i was crazy. one guy even said that my ideas would be taken more seriously if i hadnt been cursed with being just so fucking dumb, because, apparently, if youre dumb even your correct theories have no validity.

some said that i was wacky to assume that the group of righties, some of whom had reacted to the iraqi newspaper propaganda scandal with support for the behavior, would actively participate in propaganda. but sadly they never explained how if someone agrees with the practice, they wouldn’t actually be party to it. nor did they ever explain how bloggers were less likely to participate in what lots of other journalists have already lowered themselves too.

exactly what is it about we bloggers that makes us incorruptible – except for those of us who pose such questions as we are obviously solely interested in hits and therefore raising our ad rates.

some said that it was ridiculous to recklessly throw upstanding citizens like glenn reynolds into a hairbrained theory that he and his pals were involved in wartime psyops. law professors arent interested in psyops


which is probably why the instapundit, the chair of the pajamas media ed board deleted his psyops blog.

i mean who wants to confuse their readers into having them think that they actually support such things. let alone chuckle at them or encourage them so they can pass them along.

no i dont think that pajamas media is being secretly funded by the same people who paid off armstrong williams, or who paid the lincoln group, who manufactured “news” for television stations, who gave jeff gannon a years worth of day passes into the west wing, or who decided to accept the findings of the science board report to the defense department.

why buy the cow when the milk is free?

why secure 70 blogs’ ad space real estate to spread your message inbetween selling circuit city ads?

hey the GOP has the executive branch, both wings of congress, the supreme court, the coalition of the willing, gasoline prices are dropping, saddam’s squirming in court, and despite all the scandals menacing the senate majority leader and the house majority leader and the vp’s cheif of staff, there would be no reason what so ever to have an in with some of the blogosphere’s heaviest hitters next november.

im so retarded.

no wonder i cant find the shift key.

but retardation isnt what im concerned the most about, believe it or not. my pal jeff goldstein had me thinking – what if i really am anti-semetic? and what if that subconcious faith-based hate made me lash out at my fellow bloggers this week? well thats far more troubling than propaganda seeping into the pristine channels of the interweb.

so heres what ive decided. im gonna get one of those jdate accounts and start dating me some babes.

goldstein asked, and yes, ironically some of my best friends are jewish, but as far as i know i havent made out with a jewish lass before. growing up in the suburbs of chicago i was surrounded by italians and poles, and despite one of my best friends, alan grand being jewish, im pretty sure he was the only one in school.

as for local jewish single blogger chicks on my blogroll, i know of superjux and marissa, but i dont think im cool enough for them, so maybe if they read this they can set me up with a hebrew hottie. cuz i gotta find out if bro is right, i dont think im antisemetic but theres only one way to know for sure: dive in and see what happens.

and if im lucky perhaps xpajamas media blogger and jew luke ford can let me borrow his little black book now that he’s settled down and blissful.

and yes i know that jeff has even recently accused jews of being anti-semetic because of their concerns about pajamas media, but who knows, he might be right about me. i just want to find out if its true.

and maybe while i do my research he can research who else in pajamas has deleted psyops blogs and/or have been given dozens of bush contracts over the years, like pj’s main angel investor

wish me luck.

beastie boys + adam sandler + solomon’s 99th birthday