1. Wednesday, December 28, 2005

    i think in my last life i was a truck driver 

    cuz when i wake up in a town i just want to get the hell out of it and move on, even though i have a nice crepe breakfast lined up with the goods in a half hour and then a pint with mr ciavarro, but deep down i want to drive to the border and see what sorta drama they wanna try to hand me.

    i want them to ask me all those wwII questions they asked people to find out if they were really american. like whos the president and who won the world series this year.

    fucking white sox won the world series this year.

    say it like that and not only do they know that youre an american but they’ll know youre a cub fan and youre in.

    im so dumb for leaving my passport in my breakfast nook. im so dumb for being 113 yrs old and not figuring out by now how to do these trips as my job. but if it was my job they would have deadlines on my shit. id have to have written something about seattle that was palpable for the masses and thats one of the beauties of paid advertising on blogs: the sponsors will pony up and you can lay out whatever you want.

    2005 was pretty good for the busblog, i invented 15 minutes with tony and probably a few other things ive forgotten about, but the secret plot for coming to vancouver was to get re-inspired for the new blog, the antibusblog, the second cumming.

    anyone can have one decent blog but to have two, well thats something the instapundit doesnt even have, and yes im talking about his msnbc afterthought and the pajamas media stillbirth.

    im listening to loretta lynns van lear rose and if i had a second blog this year i would know what the best records of 2005 were. but right now all i can think of is kanye and tsar. did anything else come out this year? beck? ha. matt didnt know that beck was a sceintology how can people not know that? when you live in hollywood they’ll approach you and i always tell them that when beck puts out a decent record i’ll think about it but as long as he keeps letting these yawners see the light then im out.

    the second blogs purpose is two fold, the first fold is to put all the stuff i should be blogging in a beautiful box that pops out like oragami and is easier searchable and pretty and proper and web 2.0, the other fold is to put all the stuff ive always wanted to write about in a familiar box that is slower to load and uglier and rougher and even more real.

    the other day matt wrote that he knows only two pure bloggers, me and raymi and thats pretty much the best compliment that i can get. but i know how much purer i can be. for example, what was the best porno i rented in 2005? service animals 18 of course. who was the best girl i fingered this year? anna kournikova of course. what was the best meal i ate this year, paris hilton of course. who has the weirdest life in the world, yours truly and im in a once cold hotel room in vancouver thats now too hot. and the musics too loud and the rooms too dark and my teeth needs brushing.

    even before matt showed me his blog post where he called me and raymi pure he said you dont need two blogs and i said i want the busblog to be more like raymi, more raw, more real, more punkrock more idontgiveafuck. best thing that ever happened to me was getting laid off by E! because even though i pretended not to give a fuck you have a strike against you when your boss wants you out and another strike against you when theres an HR department and another strike against you when everyone knows you have a bloog, so the only thing you can do is swing at a ball in the dirt and try to beat the throw at first.

    working for buzznet is still tricky because in a way i am a representative for that company and who knows if one day someone will say holy fuck tony pierce works for you and you let him say what his fingers smell like in his blog? what does that mean about your company? and the more i drive through the blue highways of america i see that its all about having your own thing that brings you your cash because then you can wear a tshirt under your overalls that has a picture of your middle finger. not that i have anything against working for marc brown, bro gave me these two weeks to find myself and meet some of you and drive drive drive. im just saying one day buzznet is gonna have an hr department and unless im sr vp of that department someones gonna say tony cant be writing what hes writing cuz its making our company look bad.

    which is ironic because nothing that i will ever write will be as bad as illegally spying on americans or sending boys to war over no wmds or spending without taxing or outting cia agents, but… and its sixteen minutes to crepes and as much as id like to keep writing here in the dark i have to wash my ass and check out of this mamajama and brush my teeth hopefully not in that order but if i dont write to you from oregon later tonight it means that they stopped me at the border and wouldnt let me cross but theres far worse places to be stuck than in vancouver where i still have yet to see an ugly girl.