1. Friday, December 30, 2005

    in the old days i would be here in this little motel 

    with a pipe still smoking on the nightstand next to a demolished bag of puffed cheetos and a half full can of diet soda and the music on and the heater on and a soiled hand towel in a forgotten corner so one doesnt accidentally step on the dna and a wet shower still hot from ultra hotness and a frantic and unsuccessful hunt for chocolate.

    if 2005 has brought one suprising thing to this little blogger it would have to be that for some reason i stopped smoking weed. a shocker if ever there was one since i still have fond feelings for the magical herb that grows in the ground that not even the Bible has any problem with. but thats me, other than the cubbies and my college friends i have an odd way of throwing away the things that i like.

    so instead of being the stony tony in coos bay tonight im phoney the sober blogger and i hope that i dont disappoint. i wont blog about this $59 room or the scariness of it, or the fact that i, even i, dont want to walk on the carpet without slippers (which i always travel with), and even though it smelled musty that was instanly cured with the tea lights that i told you to bring and now you know why, and i wont tell you about the paper thin walls that allow you to hear the neighbors hack as they smoke their crack, or the trucker sports bar filled with motorcyclists who love to rev their hogs right outside my door and shockingly dont kick my ass when i open the door and give em the international wtf sign of both arms out to the side palms up.

    ive got a few ass kickings coming my way but today it appears is not the day. but the weather got me. thats for damn sure.

    the 101 was closed right below where i blogged during my late lunch and it didnt re-open. “major landslide” the website proclaimed, so i turned around and drove north against my best wishes.

    the plan today had been to try to drive 10 hours so i could be home tomorrow afternoon in time to take pictures of people waiting outside in pasedena for the rose parade because for some reason i take better night pics than day pics and instead of learning my trade i just play off my strengths, cuz seriously, why improve at anything? it’ll only lead to mo money hos and ripped up panty hose.

    the trip up here to western oregon was uneventful and beautiful. i like driving in the darkness. i like driving through small towns and pretending that everyones like those hillbillies in the simpsons. i like stretches of highway where you can turn on your brights and not have to turn them off for a half hour. i like pissing in the cold and watching a steaming arch of bright yellow and wondering how the hell did it get so bright?

    i like being able to sit in this room for hours and read all of your blogs. yes even yours. i like catching up. i like being on the road but its a pain in the ass cuz no one has the internet the way i like it except for this motel that has a lot of strikes against it cuz you get what you pay for and the best western in $80 so if youre gonna be cheap and save $22 its gonna be tiny and a lil stinky and coughy and ewwwy and one table is gonna have a mini fridge on top of it and the desk is gonna have the microwave on it but instead of complaining complainer at least you have those things and speeding fast wifi and two wall lamps right above the headboard to bash your head on four times which would have been fourty times if youd smoked out.

    i have a good life and i know it. i have a long drive tomorrow and i know it. the question is will i be able to get out of oregon? the 101 where im now is closed in two places cuz of ma nature, and if i get cocky and scoot over to the 5 its snowing up there and closed and fucked up too. which means i can try to balls it on the 199 inbetween but those are like narrow roads guaranteed to have falling trees and mud and rock and at least three four gnomes washed up under a bridge being ravished by woodland creatures whove been dying to eat their revenge.

    while perusing your blogs i see that people are wishing their readers a happy new year but hi its not the new year yet, its still the old year, a good year because we got to see truly how evil this administration is, and how liberal this press is (not much since theyre not asking for his head), and how fucked up radio is for letting howard stern show them up again and again and again, and how crappy todays sounds are and how lame modern filmmaking in america is.

    when i was thinking of the things i want in 2006 the first thing i thought of was i want a girlfriend and i had forgotten that i had a gf in 2005 and even though it started off nice it didnt end very nice and so maybe i dont want a girlfriend in 06, maybe i want to be single for a year and just mingle although mingling doesnt really do it for me either, how about this, maybe i want to meet a girl who is all the things i like tomboyish sexy mellow horny and hungry. it wouldnt hurt if she likes to wear a bikini 24/7 but you cant have everything.

    and even though its almost 2am and i might just have to stay here for tomorrow night too i should hit the hay because i might get lucky tomorrow morning and get the heck outta town. this town that doesnt even have a movie theatre. for i still havent seen walk the line.

    pray for no red x’s on the 101 and/or the 5