1. Monday, December 12, 2005

    this hot chick and i were having bible study yesterday 

    since it was the sabbath and all

    something im sure all of you were doing yesterday after the football and before 60 minutes.

    and she asked me about polygamy and whether i believed in it.

    i said of course i believe in it, the problem is getting the hot babes to believe in the things that i believe in.

    she said but why would you believe in something so ridiculous.

    and i said, again, there are many ridiculous things i believe in, the difficulty is getting buy-in.

    for example, i believe that you should wear more plaid skirts,
    i believe that you should bring your friends over here so we can have make-out competitions,
    and i believe that the Cubs should sign Roger Clemens,
    but…

    and she stopped me, which she often does

    she said, lets stick to the topic at hand. if divorces are at 50% in america, why would you believe in polygamy?

    ah, i said, easy. its my belief that people quit each other cuz they get bored and they get a wandering eye. if theyre allowed to marry more hos they would be less likely to go outside the relationship for strange if they were getting it in the hizzy.

    at that point she called me a pig.

    asked me the question, i answered and she called me a pig.

    but it was cool since i get called names all the time.

    so i turned the tables on her. i said, how would you like it if you were married to a nice man, a black man, a blogger lets say, one who liked cream of chicken soup and diet dr pepper…

    get to the point

    how would you like it if you were married to him and you got a hand in picking his second wife?

    she said, what if i wanted a bulldyke.

    i said, well, because you loved this man you’d want him to be happy so maybe he would be happy with such a woman. maybe hed be happy with a cheerleader. maybe hed be happy with a soccerplayer. maybe you would both be happy with a nice combination of all of these.

    being that she was bi-morethancurious she let those ideas sit with her while stirring her pita in the spinach dip.

    then she said, tony if you believe in polygamy so much, why arent you doing it?

    ah, i said, because even though its totally cool in the bible, and even though abraham, saul, david, solomon, and even moses had more than one wife, the bible commands that we obey the laws of the land – which is one reason i dont smoke pot any more – so even if i believe in it its unlawful and therefore a sin.

    and thats when she excused herself and returned in a plaid skirt, a cowboy hat, and nothing else but a smile.

    and yes america sometimes i feel like the luckiest man in the world but sometimes i feel cursed, because yes i would make a great husband to several wives, i would make sure that they were all happy and pleased and content

    and yes i would pick an assortment who would get along together very well

    and its not like im someone that anyone would get jealous of

    and yes its true i have what it takes to satisfy a small harem – if not two small ones – and it helps to study the poetry of diplomacy as well as the language of love

    but like the fact that i would also make an excellent marijuana farmer, some things just dont mesh with todays society

    so im doomed settling for the one-at-a-time

    and then writing it down for you.

    poo.

    polygamists in the bible + i love this woman + emmanuelle and matt do europe + peter g