1. Sunday, January 29, 2006

    happy chinese new year to my chinese friends out there 

    of which i have more than a few.

    i believe this is the year of the dog, which i love because dogs have all the answers and it could be because they can lick their own nuts but it might also be because their stomachs are far more advanced and once youve licked your nuts a few times im sure it loses its charm especially if you sleep in the dirt with your sweaty dog balls.

    i say their stomachs are far more advanced because dogs can drink gutter water and alls cool in the school. they can literally eat shit and everythings fine.

    but the best lessons that ive learned from dogs have been not from their scholarship of what i like to call the Polite Piss but how it seems that their feelings are never hurt.

    now matt and jenny will disagree with me on this but thats because theyre pretty much canine crazy and think their dogs are people, and dont get me wrong i love thier dogs. lets see if i can even remember their names, weve got pete, benjy and shit shit whats that little ones name fred? wilma? im not gonna cheat. obviously ive forgotten the little one who i love because hes so good about playing fetch with his little half raquetball ball. fuckr fetch that thing alllllll night long and never tire. love that.

    itll come to me.


    so yeah dogs have personalities and likes and dislikes but theyre not human theyre better. and their feelings dont get hurt, im sorry quit projecting. they get hurt like physically and emotionally but if for example lets say that benji is at the dog park and hes sniffin around and sniffs some little poodles ass and she snaps at him hes not gonna mope about it all day. hes not gonna smell under his pits or stare at the mirror when he gets home and ask himself if hes looking old. hes gonna sniff some other bitches ass and move on with his day.

    spanky? fuck!

    in that sense dogs have it over people by like a lot. now of course theres disadvantages for being dogs. like theyre short for the most part. you dont see dogs at too many concerts unless they have super great seats like in the balcony or backstage cuz even on their hind legs they cant see shit so why bother.

    paulie? no.

    im not a cheater and im not a liar. i know ive written these dogs names when i visted the goods and i know jennys blog has their names but im not gonna cheat and look. hot chicks i went out with this weekend if youre reading this know that im a good man and i dont cheat or lie, i mean the blog – this blog – you shouldnt really trust but thats only because its the interweb and you really shouldnt trust anything on here but in real life im not a bullshitter, in real life trust is everything. and if you cant trust me in real life you cant trust anyone.

    dogs also have it made because they dont have to worry about taxes or shoes or landlords fucking with em. a homeless dog is actually a happier dog as far as ive seen. back in isla vista the frat boys would buy labrador puppies to impress the bimbos and in the summer when theyd go back home to san diego theyd let Kegger just roam the streets of IV with the packs of other orphaned dogs and sometimes youd be blazing on some really good liquid acid and youd see 25 random dogs jogging down del playa with their tounges hanging out and their tails wagging and youd think where the fuck are those dogs going and if your skateboard was nearby you might follow them for a block or two but back then there was a keg at every corner and a girl with a bikini top on every balcony and the acid would fade out for a sec and youd realize that your priorities were all fuct and youd kick yr skate into your hand and ask a hottie what she was reading and you were back

    and only later when the sun was rising as you were sitting on the cliffs with her in between little kisses would you ask yourself hey wait i wonder where the fuck those dogs were headed i mean they looked like they had just found out there was a keg on sabado or a kicked over pizza on the streets of trigo or something.

    and im not gonna stop writing until that dogs name comes to me. i lvoe that fucking dog. merle? manny? franny? zooey? im not gonna cheat. im not gonna cheat.

    im listening to the strokes new record and its pretty good now that ive heard it a zillion times. which is another thing dogs sorta miss out on. its hard to download music when youre a dog.


    … cheated

    ten bucks this isnt matts last design of even the winter + jen the photographer + wienerdog rescue