1. Sunday, January 1, 2006

    im gonna eat more pussy this year. 

    im also gonna read the bible every sunday. those are my only two real promises to myself in 2006.

    among those that i’ll probably fuck up on cuz deep down im a slacker who doesnt even deserve half of what i have, i will try to write three blogs this year other than the buzzblog at buzznet. the busblog, the new busblog, and a secret blog that will turn into a book that will only be on sale for two weeks in october. nine days.

    i dont like selling books. i dont like writing books, i dont like compiling books. i dont like hardly any of it except for the cover contest. i do want another cover contest.

    is it nice to have a book with my name on the side that can lean up against my other books in the bookshelf? eh. whatever. id rather make out with a nice girl up against a bowling alley in the parking lot. which is probably why so many books are being written by dudes who arent lifting up girls skirts upagainst bowling alley parking lot walls.

    im home now from my two week road trip. it went fast. today i got home and had culture shock. my landlord greeted me with a note taped to my door threatening to kick me out of my apartment because of the satelite dish thats been where its been since before he bought the place, and for my houseplants being on my porch. obviously hes lonely and wants someone to remind him that hes going to hell.

    i went through my answering machine messages and there were two frightening ones from the old lady upstairs, so i called her right away and went up to help her five days after shed left her messages. it took about two minutes. she said she thinks she may have had a stroke on Christmas but hasnt seen her doc cuz hes on vacation. i told her she looked pretty good for 92 with a week old stroke and she smiled and blushed a little.

    i drove my car more than three thousand miles and it responded perfectly. not the high waters in oregon or the bad vibes from the homeland security dudes in canada or the crooked streets in frisco or the mud in the central coast made this car even blink, it chugged along and even sprinted on occassion and i played sirius nearly the whole way and yes its worth the money.

    last night after midnight howard stern dialed up his new channel and talked for about an hour and he was so relaxed and swore a few times but because he was just chit chatting and thats how lots of people talk when theyre being normal. it was nice.

    meanwhile i kept getting off the freeway trying to find some motel to steal wifi from so i could wish the east coast and then the midwest and then the rockies and then the west coast happy new year but best laid plans…

    i even got lost right outside of the sacramento airport and ended up on a 10 mile wild goose chase in the dark along a scary road right on the water where you couldnt turn around really and my needle was below E and i turned down the radio to conserve gasoline and i seriously thought my car was gonna run out of gas right there a half hour before new years in new york

    but the road intersected another road and i saw lights far away in the distance that turned out to be the sacramento airport and fortunately theres an arco there that people sorta hangout at until their friends call them from baggage claim and i pumped my gas and i thanked the Lord for answering my prayers and not making me have to call AAA from a marsh-side mansion whose street i didnt know and have to wait godknowshowlong for AAA to give me a tow or a gallon of gas.

    so i promised Him that i would read the Bible every sunday this year and its a half hour left in the first sunday so let me get to it.

    i will also shoots hoops more.

    youre my boy blue + pancakes + crooks and liars links to great cartoons