1. Wednesday, January 11, 2006

    let me tell you a few things about los angeles 

    fuck that, let me tell you the most important thing about los angeles: it’s tiny.

    tiny tiny tiny.

    and because its tiny you really should pick who youre going to piss off and what bridges you decide to burn when you burn them.

    and you can pretend that you are mr idealistic and youd never burn any bridges but there are some people who will cross your path that will make you – literally make you – go up to them and tell them to fuck off.

    because los angeles is perfect they will never move away, and you will run into them from time to time, but if you play your cards right you will also run into the good people of this town repeatedly over the years.

    so anyways Cuban girl used to work at this huge company that was down the street from E! on fridays she and her best friend would have lunch with me and my buddy in the closed captioning department.

    well that big company has moved to across the street from E! like literally across the street.

    meanwhile karisa j hotchick just scored a job with cuban girl’s xcompany.

    so not only was i having lunch with one of their employees again, but i was driving right past the building that i occupied for four years.

    very weird feelings. not all good ones.

    i saw some people i recognized. i even honked my horn at a dude i used to schedule but he didnt recognize me with my fuzzy beard, shades, and lowrider, but its all good.

    picked up karisa who looked like whoa

    miniskirt boots ponytails

    almost like she knew i liked that sorta thing on tall girls in the summertime

    she got in the ride and i was all your boyfriend lets you leave the house like that? and she told me that her man was hungover from the night before and could barely open his eyes.

    still i was like omg and kept my eyes on the road because if you look at karisa for more than a few minutes you start crashing into buildings and losing your mind

    thus the cheap sunglasses

    as we drove down wilshire we realized we had no idea where we wanted to have lunch and because she had a meeting to go to in an hour we couldnt drive all the way to westwood where i was gonna taker to mr noodle, my favorite. so we drove up rodeo drive cuz you only live once.

    fortunately we ran past a little italian place on beverly named Pizza Rustica which had huge slices for $4 and outdoor seating.

    they also had a little room with a bed that was curious in a small restaurant.

    she had the mushroom slice with water, and i had the bbq chicken and a diet coke.

    we talked and talked which is very easy to do with her because you can bounce from the patriots who suck to music which sucks to the sopranos which she is catching up on to medical deformaties in women which she loves to talk about

    and then after lunch i wouldnt let her into the car until she modeled for me for 4 irritating minutes. she squirms and forces her smile and looks away and closes her eyes. shes one of the prettiest girls you’ll ever meet but definately the worst model. you feel like youre raping her with your camera. it’s not fun for either but its like the dentist – its gotta be done every six weeks.

    so as we drove past spagos i saw an extremely well dressed man getting out of a rolls and i was all i know that guy but because theres so much resin in my head it took me a whole minute and i told karisa Soul Train i know him from Soul Train and we looked at his liscense plate and it said 1ST and i was all “first”? and she said no “1 Soul Train”

    and then i was all don corneleious

    love peace and soul

    and tonight my people tell me Lost is back on the air and it better be good but do us all a favor and please dont comment on it until tomorrow for the benefit of us here in the west coast who might not see it until later tonight which might be super late if this email from this hot chick is the real deal

    so let me tell you one more thing, aspiring bloggers, strangers will email you and provide photographs and invite you to a bar

    on a wednesday night, when you should be watching Lost

    but these pictures are so good that you reply back with

    one drink, near my house, two drinks if this is realy you

    three drinks if you have a note from your doctor saying that youve recently been checked out

    and four drinks if youre buying.

    and the craziest thing my friend is you dont have to look like tom brady to get them to say fine im paying

    you just need a halfway decent blog.

    fine, a three quarters decent blog.

    six pics of karisa + tell this girl that uggs are ok + tell this girl to stay at buzznet