1. Monday, February 20, 2006

    im sitting here in my closet 

    the magical little place in my apartment that used to be what emmanuelle called the makeout room back in the day. when shira got this place she put bookshelves in it, and when ken layne had this place he put a laptop on one of the shelves, and when i moved here five years ago i put a full blown computer in it and here i write you and im avoiding something i have to write for the austin chronicle and im avoiding telling you about last night

    because when i write about it it will be over and i dont ever want it to be over but today is presidents day and honest abe would write it and george washington would write about it and then chop down a cherry tree so here goes.

    yesterday i picked up my true love at shiras house and we drove to burbank to Fry’s Electronics to get her a solar generator for her ipod and her other devices when she goes to deepest darkest africa next week. we also went there to get me a power converter for when i go to deepest darkest amsterdam today.

    because she had been shopping for clothes that would be easy to wash up against rocks she was tired of roaming ill-marked aisles and she had a little freakout but the reason shes my truest is because she and i know how to handle each other when we’re freaking out. heres my trick: whisper. for when you whisper the other person has to come closer to you to hear you and when she gets closer i kiss her cheek.

    she no longer has those sorts of feelings for me but we hold hands and last night we went to a romantical italian place in south pasedena whose portions were large but whose service was so bad that i only left a 16% tip. but we had red wine and pasta and held hands as the candles flickered and she wept a little and i said its ok baby its ok.

    then we drove home on the twisty turny 110 to the hollywood freeway and i started a roaring fire and we cuddled up under blankets and i went through my tv showing her matisyahu on letterman, some weirdo piano playing crazy man on visiting with huell houser, campus ladies my favorite new tv show, various daily show episodes, and angelina jolie talking about the motherland.

    then we adjourned to my bedroom and cuddled and talked until 3:30am and i finally had to tell her to hush cuz i was falling asleep and i didnt want her to think i wasnt listening. and we held each other and slept all twisted and it was just like the olden days when we had done that for years after years after years except this time it didnt begin and end with a good olde fashioned romp.

    little tone kept poking her in the back because he was sure he knew this lass but fortunately she didnt notice or was bothered because she backed up into it and stayed there until the phone woke us up in the morn because my phone has a nasty habit of ringing off the hook.

    it was very sweet last night and it was even sweeter this morn as i told her that i didnt care that she didnt love me as much as i loved her because if she had we’d be like lots of our friends and shed be knocked up or would had squeezed one out and that little angel would have been awake by now and we would have to run around after him or her and she wouldnt be on her way to africa and i wouldnt be on my way to europe.

    so i told her that if something happens to her in africa and she sees the light and chooses to come back to me that we can adopt one of those who already knows how to fix its own breakfast and hopefully will be so grateful not to be where it once was that it will keep quiet until poppy says its ok to be a kid and scream and yell and try to ride its big wheel around our tiny apartment.

    she said tony im never going to marry you. and i said shhh shhh baby youre delirious, shhhhh.

    ive learned never to take no for an answer. all no is is “im not there yet.” and the key word is yet. or its the Lord saying, dude as soon as you get off her ive got two laker girls im dying to fix you up with. two, fool!

    but love is blind, and dumb and deaf, and even though this girl has been saying no i mean not yet for years and years its not like i havent met the lord halfway by accepting clipper girls. maybe i dont want the laker girls because then i will marry one and that would mean that this chapter of my life would be over and i dont want it to be over because it was the longest and the weirdest and the one that i loved the most because the communication was almost espish mostly because of the whisper trick and dozens more like it.

    i just walked in on her in the shower to get one last look.

    and normally i have no idea why anyone would be jealous of anything about me, but if you just saw what i just saw you would be hella jealous.

    above are africans who put leaves in their headbands for good luck. but as a Christian i will be praying for her every night, and i invite you all to do the same with me.