1. Tuesday, February 7, 2006

    the month of february is supposed to be good for libras 

    but asstrologys for asstros. and im not sure if this is a bad month or a good one yet because for every really good thing thats happened in the last week something super bizarre has happened.

    have you ever been on a few hits of acid and you look at the mirror one minute and you look like the coolest dude ever and the next minute you look at it again and you look like george castanza. and then you realize there are no mirrors in your house and then you realize youre not even in your house?

    ive got peoples boyfriends reading this shit and thinking that everything in here is true ive got peoples not boyfriends reading this and thinking that im not the greatest writer in the hollywood hills. ive got peoples agents writing me and offerring me screenplay deals ive got lawyers calling me trying to drop cases ive got lawyers calling me telling me not to let things drop. ive rats to the left of me, bedbugs uptown … shedoobe shattered shattered.

    im sitting in my suv on the side of the road on sunset blvd in my little safe place where i go with the ibook when my internet goes down or my computer crashes. my buddy told me that to play it safe i should actually buy windows xp and let him install it tonight. so we’re going to do what we always do which is i back up all of my shit and take my box to his house in atwater and put my computer on his porch and wait for him to work his magic.

    we never see each other and i think he likes it that way. its how i work with my maid. im embarrassed with my mess and she gives me my privacy and bakes me a pie so my house will smell good when i come home from the nine to five.

    id like to sorta just stay at home lay in bed and work from under the covers but for the next month and a half i’ll be going to amsterdam and then austin doing the exact opposite from hiding and waiting out the freakiness of the world.

    and someone was asking on their blog what you should do when you have writers block and this is what you do: when the shit is coming down and when life is bizarre you write it down as it happens. you live blog it. you dont hit publish. you dont post it on your real blog, you dont even put it on your secret blog. you take notes and you write it in word and in november you release it as a book. a secret book. and you watch the bales of cash dump down on you and you read the letters from your readers telling you that youre the man.

    and when you get writers block you dont write because you did your writing when it was time to write and you meet totally new girls when you cant write. and when i go to amsterdam and when i go to austin i will be meeting totally new girls and hopefully before and after those events i will meet even newer ones.

    heres the problem with new girls though. sorta the same problem with old ones. sometimes it doesnt click. sometimes its all smiles and nodding but when she invites you to the dance floor she wants to do the robot when you wanna poplock. i think thats why the good lord put millions and millions of girls here – so that you can just inhale exhale and dance with a new one tomorrow.

    the sun will come up tomorrow annie. you realize that right. today in la it was super warm and i think i know why. cuz the sun needed to get right up close into my shit because even he couldnt believe it.

    tomorrow is the grammys and heres the only thing that i wanna see happen. i wanna see john legend beat fall out boy for best new artist.

    and tonight im going to eat so much icecream im gonna puke in the bubble bath.