1. Sunday, February 19, 2006

    the readers have so many questions 

    Rachel asks, If you could relive one memory all over again, which would it be, and why?

    many moons ago when i was a senior at ucsb i had a love hate relationship with the editor-in-chief of the college paper, the daily nexus. he hated me and i loved me.

    we had run against each other for the top job and i lost by one vote. my entire platform was “i may not be the best, but im better than that jackass.” for some reason he chose to take it deeply personal and never chose to forgive me. he even made me interview for the job that i would have easily gotten if i had never ran for EIC, that of the Arts & Entertainment Editor.

    a job that i got after the interview.

    i had one rule as the Editor of the arts desk: get your story in on time, and if youre late not only will it not run but you cant write anything for Arts for one week. so basically if youre late youre blackballed for two weeks.

    late stories were the only thing that slowed up our incredibly powerful machine and with a rule like that i was able to lay things out creatively with my assistant editor and photo editor and illustration editor, and i was able to produce kickass sections.

    one day the EIC asked to review something and he was late. so i reminded him about my only rule and he wanted to bicker and fight with me but i said dude if there are exceptions to the rule then my section will fall apart and it will be your fault. so no you cant review Sinband’s comedy stylings next week and we cant run your movie review about the Neverending Story Part II this week.

    i was fired that night.

    a few months later i snuck into the office to ask his best friend, pat whalen, brother of Tsar singer jeff, if my sections had been entered into CIPA, the california intercollegiate press association awards, a competition that we at the nexus cared alot about. he said no. i asked him if it was too late to get my stuff entered. he said if we do it by tomorrow you’ll be in.

    so pat, god bless him, convinced the eic to enter my stuff over my assistant editor’s entry on the grounds that he was a junior and would have a chance the following year.

    the nexus had never won Best Arts in california. and a few months later i attended the awards with the rest of my friends and cohorts in sacramento. i was just falling in love with jeanine. we all wore dresses to the award ceremony, as was our semi-rude tradition. and that night i won best arts editor with the thunderous applause of my coworkers who knew the drama well and with pat whalen yelling “irony of ironies!”

    i would relive that memory because my two loves: editing and romantic love were at its peak. and the only thing i would change is id have made my dress a little shorter cuz i never looked that fit again.

    Mimi asks when are you coming to savannah?

    my grandparents on my mother’s side lived in fort valley georgia for a very long time. and i would like to see mrs bunny mcintosh in her natural environment. so yes i would like to visit the red clay hills of georgia again soon and party with some southern belles and sweet peaches.

    if i had my way id travel everywhere that i was welcomed.

    erin asks If you were the person who made up the fortune cookie fortunes, what would you write?

    i’d write things like, “youre not fat” “youre smarter than you think” “youre not insane” “more people love you than you know” or “you should play with yourself more”

    Debbie asks, Vanilla, Chocolate or Strawberry?

    chocolate chocolate chocolate

    Josh Kinniard asks, Where do you see you taking yourself in the future, do you feel a necessity to give something to the world and if you do what does this consist of and what are the prerequisite/s, do you ever question your own justifications, how many blog characters do you have and if you choose not to answer any of these questions will you justify that decision with an explaination and/or acknowledge the audience if anything answered is untrue?

    even though i believe we have free will, i dont think that in my life at least, that i have been the master of my own destiny. so im willing to go whereever this road is leading and i will call bullshit on certain roadside attractions but i dont feel like im in total control of everything that crosses my path.

    i feel a necessity to give everything to the world, meaning all of my thoughts, all of my lessons that ive learned, all of the advice that might be helpful to others, all of the respect that people deserve, and all of the criticism that others havent yet heard.

    even though my blog states that “nothing in here is true” i dont feel like ive used it as a sheild or a crutch. rarely will you hear me cop out with that line. usually if i say it, its as a preface before i write something truly true that nobody would believe.

    for example, i have had sexual relations with some celebrities. and i am not handsome, rich, powerful, or attractive. therefore if im going to write something about that experience i will start it off by saying… “because nothing in here is true i can tell you that last night i…”

    the tagline then becomes a shield for the young lady who when asked if she was indeed with me can say, “you know nothing in his blog is true. lets go to kitsons.”

    Fred asks Gay Marriage? Yes or No?

    if gays cant get married then nobody should be allowed to get married.

    joe asks, will you smoke copius amounts of… nahh… in amster…nahh.

    i live in a city where the highest quality of nahh flows through endlessly. i didnt quit smoking it because i was bored or nervous or paranoid or losing my job. i quit because it didnt work on me any more. ive been to holland before. ive tried their best shit and their best shit is as good as our best shit. which means it wont work on me.

    if the cannibis cup wants me as a judge id be perfect because i could smoke all day and never get high and id be able to tell you which tasted good, which smelled good, which gave me a headache, and which sorta got me high.

    if someone approaches me and says, tony come on, smoke this its really different than anything youve ever had then maybe i will sample it because i wouldnt want to be rude, but no im not going to go out of my way to give myself a headache or make myself drowsy doing something that i know wont send me to that “better” place like it once did.

    i now get high off life. and beer. and hot babes.

    JaG asks, What are we going to do in Amsterdam next week?

    eat drink and be merry.

    Jack Bog asks, Shaved or unshaved?

    if a lady shaves, fine. if she doesnt, fine. even though im 113 yrs old i still feel like im 17 aka just lucky to be there. so i couldnt care less whats going on down there as long as its there for me.

    if your question is am i shaved or unshaved… recently i had a young lady ask me to shave down there and i told her that me and my nuts have a long standing agreement – i wont put sharp objects near it as long as it never goes on strike when i need it most.

    never have we failed on our ends of the bargain for the exception of one night when i was on e and lil tone tapped out despite the handiwork being performed by the young nude japanese lass. but there will be no scissors blades or chemicals near the family jewels. if that means i miss out on some action then i guess i will have to make due with the other 3.6 million runway models of los angeles.

    jessica asks, do you ever see yourself getting married?

    yes, with five or six open minded ladies just like you.