it reminds me of all the rain we had last year. it just rained and rained and rained and rained and people just kept saying tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow…
I think tomorrow I will be able to tell you some of what I haven’t been able to tell you and trust me I don’t say these things to keep you tuning in because I know you’ll be back you’ve been back over all these years and some of you are even nice enough to tell your friends
all I know is today I laughed and cried and yelled and screamed I told people I loved them I told people they were full of shit hell I told lots of people they were full of shit. and I wasn’t kidding.
my shirt, my favorite shit is stinking from all the sweat that ive burned through over these last twenty four hours and I keep thinking that the Lord is all “we’re going to give tony not just a pop quiz but a ton of pop quizzes all in a row” to see if I would crack or if id be less of a good man or more of an idiot or if id burn bridges or if id turn into someone else.
but when youre 113 youre pretty much the same old song and dance.
and tonight even though I thought everything was over I wasn’t able to write I wasn’t able to dance I wasn’t able to do anything and the phone kept ringing and some of the people were exactly who I wanted to talk to but it still didn’t help and I wanted to say what was the truth for me which was I know im a freak I know im a weirdo I know im never going to find a girl like the one I moved to LA to get away from.
I know precisely why I have to stop playing the lotto. its because the Lord knows that if I win im moving to maui and im just going to sit in my little grass shack and watch the waves and I’ll never really do much except write bullshit like how I miss LA and how I miss mi vida loca.
which is to say I hope you don’t take this the wrong way but this ten days have been so vida that if something very very bad happened to me or very very good I wouldn’t be surpised and you shouldn’t either because it really has been that super extreme
and the sad thing is there isn’t an unlimited amount of tomorrows and tomorrows and tomorrows. which is why I try so hard to get it right today. especially at my age.