busblog

nothing in here is true

  1. Friday, March 31, 2006

    today is raymis 23rd birthday 

    and it seems like shes been 23 for 32 years now.

    its 118am here in Los Angeles and i wonder if Raymi knows its her birthday because she got on msn this morning before i woke and said simply “im sick too” and i didnt get to my computer soon enough to chat with her.

    its 119am here in LA and i should be in bed by now but before i logged off i went to her blog and saw that she reminded people that it was going to be her birthday today and some people ask for attention and some people get attention and some people deserve attention. raymi is all three of those people all in one. all topless too.

    raymi can do no wrong in my book. shes never done anything wrong. even when she was dead wrong she was right.

    just like that painting that was wrong, the one of the man with the hat and a pipe and it says this is not a pipe in french. fuck yeah its a pipe frenchman but thats such a cool thing to say in a painting that we’ll let you off the hook.

    raymi deserves to be let off the hook. and fil deserves a medal, but i guess raymi is that medal.

    seems to me that there are a whole mess of cool people in toronto and i dont know when im ever gonna get to those parts but when i do i want to document that city in relation to ms white the same way i documented seattle in relation to kurt kobain. i want to look at people and see if they are thinking about raymi. i want to see if theyre wearing MS Paint raymi shirts. i want to see if theyre secretly wanting to sing beatles songs at karaoke.

    i want to see if they know that theyve got the best blogger in the northern hemisphere right in their midsts. the reason for everything. the begining and the end. the light and the darkness. the heavens and the earths.

    i will never be as good as raymi at anything let alone blogging but thats ok because she shows me and you where we can get to. same way jordan taught everyone where the imaginary line is. same way hendrix showed us where the rock in rock n roll is. just like hugh hefner taught us what living your life was all aboot.

    when i met raymi i knew i was in the presence of superstardom. i knew she was bigger than the two of us. i knew that she looked down on me and she should have. not because i was anything to scoff at but because she was the top of the pops, the last chance power drive, the super infinity.

    people ask me whose the best and for years i tell them over and over, raymi and they go there and come back and most say they dont get it and i say you are the type of people who say bob dylan cant sing, youre the type of people who say baseballs boring, youre the type of people who tell the kids to turn down their music that its noise and that all rap music sounds the same. youre the type of people who say the bible was written for a different time. youre the type of people who fuck once a week with the lights off for five minutes in one position. quietly.

    i wouldnt know, nor do i want to know, but raymi to me seems to be one of those people who frighten you when she decides that shes gonna have sex with you. ive been frightened a few times with the ladies so i’d know. things get bitten hard. things get scratched. your prized possessions are apt to fall from dusty gay shelves. neighbors are going to hear things. items will be ripped. blood will start to flow. you start fucking back defensively. you try to establish a rhythm but there isnt any dumb rhythm there is passion and action and motion and wrestling and banging and smashing and crunching and animalism.

    i can imagine that thats how she fucks because thats how she blogs, and ive fucked a few bloggers and they all pretty much blog the way the fuck. and if you go to her site you will see that she blogs every day five six times a day and if you go to her boyfriends blog there are pictures of him smiling

    and running for his life.

    raymi is the queen of everything and two things will happen to her in her lifetime. either she will be overlooked by the mass populace who dont understand blogging and think that blogging has even the slightest bit to do with politics and old men and women slinging around partisan talking points, or she will be embraced rightfully and paid huge sums of money to be on tv which isnt really the perfect place for a great blogger but is a good place for raymi because she can do anything better than you.

    in my dream world i would have a television talk show called bloggers where i would be the host and raymi would be the cohost which has always been a joke because raymi plays second fiddle to no one, nor should she. her fiddle is bigger and crazier and far more entertaining and spectacular than anything you play with and best of all it has a soul. underneath all that real punk rock power and unforgetable style is something bigger than the endless beacon of here i am here i am here i am of also rans. at the heart of raymi the minx is a soul of a canadian white girl, a firebrand and a firestarter. the black part of the flame. its center. its magic. and that part today turns 23, so rejoice.

    + + +

    iPod Update! 20+ people have given $20 – the iPod fund drive is over! quit sending me money! thank you. thank you thank you!!! and now back to Raymi’s birthday!!!! + + +

    my interview with 19 yr old raymi + about raymi + raymi meets bunny + raymi’s blog

  2. Thursday, March 30, 2006

    Replacements reunite for 2 new songs 

    Tracks will appear on new best-of CD, slated for June

    MINNEAPOLIS, Minnesota (AP) — It’s a ‘Mats fan’s dream come true — new songs from The Replacements.

    The surviving original members of the Minneapolis ’80s group have reunited to record two new songs for a best-of CD, according to news reports.

    Singer-guitarist Paul Westerberg, bassist Tommy Stinson and drummer Chris Mars were recently in the studio to record some tracks, the Star Tribune and the St. Paul Pioneer Press reported.

    Westerberg wrote both songs: “Message to the Boys” and “Pool & Dive.” Mars sang backup while a session drummer handled the drumming.

    It’s the first The Replacements — known as the ‘Mats to fans (for “Place Mats,” an old name for the band) — have recorded together since disbanding in 1991.

    Original guitarist Bob Stinson, Tommy’s older brother, died in 1995. His replacement, Slim Dunlap, wasn’t asked to play on the sessions, but said he never expected a call.

    “It’s really neat they put aside their little squabbles and did it,” Dunlap told the Star Tribune.

    Rhino Records is releasing the 20-cut best-of CD, “Don’t You Know Who I Think I Was? The Best of The Replacements,” due in stores June 13

    + + + +

    iPod Fund UPDATE: 16 excellent souls have flowed $20 to the busblog, only four more needed – details here or donate here

    two songs by the replacements in 1981 + my interview with mr westerberg last year + paul sings achin to be

  3. hi babies. 

    yes im alive. yes im in love with you all and yes i really need to lay back down because im dying.

    not dying because of the illness. although thats still giving me much irritation. dying because of all of the sweet outpouring of support youve given me in regards to this ipod deal.

    how is it going for the fund drive?

    well lets just say that we’re four $20 donations away from getting that bad boy, and yes i will be purchasing Apple Care on it so we wont have to do this again for a long time. lesson learned.

    im hoping that soon i will get emails back from everyone that has donated so i will know where to link their names to and how to address them as some people wish to remain anonymous like miss kournikova and some dont want their blogs linked to like mr hefner, as it’s a secret.

    so yes, i am shocked by the generosity of my readers. and i thank you all. like i said, a few years back it took four days to make this happen, this year it might not even take 24 hours. that blows my mind. and of course i know im unworthy.

    i also want to thank the academy. remember how i used to get academy screener of oscar nominated films? and pretty girls would show up with microwaveable popcorn and sometimes theyd watch the films with me? well this morning around 10:30am (morning for me) i heard a tap at the front door. i was all wtf because noone taps the front door.

    and there were two academy girls with two films for me. apparently even when its not awards season they get dvds and they had read my blog and figured i was lonely and sad because of the ipod so they brought over “Zodiac” which i had never heard of, but it was terrific. and they brought over Spike Lee’s new joint “The Inside Man” which we just finished watching which was also kickass.

    expect reviews this weekend. but if either of those films are showing near you, go see them. nothing better than a good movie.

    even though im dying i have to write something up over at the Buzznet Coachella blog before i take a nap. if you ever get bored you should check out that blog as i write on it every day and i will be doing that for the next month as we gear up for the big festival in the desert.

    also blogging there is americas sweetheart bunny mcintosh and creem magazine’s luke hackney. i dont think any festival has ever had a daily prewrite written about it let alone 2-3 a day for a month. its fun.

    before i go, there were some good questions in the comments of the ipod post.

    #1 q. why not get an iRiver?
    a. im sure iRiver makes a great product and i trust bicycle mark fully. however i have bought a multitude of iPod accessories, the dearest of all being my iHome alarmclock radio. the iPod rests atop it and charges up and wakes me when the alarm goes off with tunes from my iPod. its beautiful. also, the iPod that im about to get has video and stores photos and i want to see what thats all about. but also, i really like Apple and theyve taken care of me in the past. yes im disappointed that this iPod didnt even last two full years, but i used that bad boy every day so i definately got my your money’s worth.

    #2 q. why not trade it in for a free refurbished ipod at the Genius Bar.
    a. that was not an option for me as my ipod was out of warantee. i will get Apple Care on this new one so perhaps thats what they will hook me up with if the next one craps out prematurely.

    #3 q. wait, wasnt that last post just a straight up asking for shit post? and why did you delete my comment where i lead people to some other guy’s blog where he was asking for shit?

    a. this entire blog, the whole busblog, is me asking for pussy. period. i cannot be more clear about that. sometimes im too sick for pussy. sometimes i need something else. rarely is that the case, but yesterday we crossed that bridge. so either im asking people to love me, or im asking them to show me their boobs. it is awkward to ask for money, but i know that when i click around the blogosphere and if i read someone who i love reading asking for something i try to give it to them. sometimes i have the means and its no biggie, sometimes i dont have the means and i move on.

    as for deleting your comment where you lead my readers to some other persons blog who wanted something. my comments are for you to tell me that im the man, or to ask followup questions in regards to the post at hand. if you want to link to other people, may i politely invite you to get your own blog.

    #4. q. will you do some music reviews in exchange for some flowage?

    a. definately. and i do take requests.

    #5 q. if i donate twice does that mean i get two gifts?

    a. sure, but what works best is if you just double the donation so that paypal doesnt ding me twice. but you better hurry, as like i said, there are only 4 slots left, and i would hate for you to have to spend your money on something silly like food or rent.

    so thank you. thank you again. and thank you a third time. i dont deserve your readership nor your money but i will accept it all and i will hope to repay you with tons more pics of my vida loca and more blog posts over the years. and yes, more tall tales of various exploits which may or may not be true. but are probably false. go cubs.

    save ferris

  4. this hasnt been a great week 

    it started off being hungover. but then it turned out it wasnt a hangover, it was my illness getting a second wind.

    the only thing that gave me joy in my dark little world were the nudes from the ladies of the interweb, and my sweet ipod which played me the comedy stylings of howard stern and the musical tones of dozens of bands that will be playing coachella in exactly thirty days.

    two days ago my ipod was giving me the frowny face. it would play it just wouldnt upload new tunes. that gave me the frowny face. so even though i didnt want to leave my warm bed or my cozy apartment to go to the dreaded Grove, i did this afternoon because they have a Mac Store there.

    i waited and coughed and sneezed at the Genius Bar and the dude told me the bad news, my ipod was fuct. i could get it fixed, he said, or i could just get a new one. how much to fix it, i asked? as much as a new one he said. his tshirt said genius so i believed him.

    i have no money for a new ipod. im about to fly back to austin for a wedding – that costs money… i need new tires for the hooptie, and then theres the electric bill, etc.

    so heres what im thinking. two years ago you the reader chipped in to get me my ipod. it took about four days but about 30 people chipped in between $10-$30 and i got it engraved and everyone was happy. in fact i think the word Beautiful was the most appropriate.

    last year i dont think i asked for anything from you. yes i sold Stiff but that had to be done. and you got a book out of the deal.

    so heres what we will do. i would love 20 people to flow $20. two years ago i put people’s names on the left hand side in a prominent place. this year i will do that Plus i will mail you something from my home.

    i have a few copies of How To Blog sitting around. that could be something you could ask for. i just had to replace my old keyboard, if someone was interested in that peice of history i could mail that off. ive got tons of baseball and basketball cards. i could make you a cd. ive got some jeans i dont wear. PS2 games. i could make a nice mix cd oh i said that. see, im delirious.

    so heres what you should do. PayPal me and in the Note area tell me what you’d like and i’ll see what i can do to satisfy you.

    and if you dont want to flow, it doesnt mean that you dont love me and i wont take it personally. i’ll love you either way. ok back to my sickbed.

  5. Wednesday, March 29, 2006

    the finest lawyer to ever put on a ski cap in court 

    died today of an apparent brain tumor.

    johnny cochrane was sixty eight years old and not nearly respected as he should have been for his defense of oj simpson.

    some claimed that it was the jury, or the bungling by the defense, but in this age of CourtTV rarely a trial goes by where any mistake on either side isnt revelaed, but even with so many cooks in the kitchen one can’t find much fault with Cochrane’s defense of the Juice. some say it was perfect.

    so to give the best tribute i can, i give you something i posted here last summer

    top ten reasons why oj is not guilty

    number ten: the columbian necktie.

    it was no secret that over the last 6-8 months of her life, Nicole Brown Simpson spent more time with friends like Faye Resnick and others who were involved in the typical LA nightlife scene.

    Some of those “friends” included drug dealers and hookers. Those associations, OJ claims was what led to the final 911 calls. He says he faught with Nicole because he didn’t want those type of people around his children.

    Most of the stab wounds on both nicole brown and ron goldman were in and around the neck.

    “Ms. Simpson’s head then was pulled back, perhaps by her blond hair, as the attacker slashed her throat from left to right. The neck position at the point of the cut can be determined by the fact that no blood flowed into her windpipe.

    “The cut was vicious. The knife sliced through both carotid arteries – which provide blood to the brain – nearly cut through one jugular vein and left the second jugular vein dangling by a thread.

    The cut was clean.” (USA Today, 10/18/96)

    This is very similar to what the defense brought up to being the trademark fatal stab wound that is found on some victims of drug-related crimes. Specifically those where the victim owed money to a drug dealer.

    The idea of the Columbian Necktie or Columbian Necklace came up several times in the OJ trial.

    Mark Furhman was asked by F. Lee Bailey if he had ever heard of the Columbian Necktie

    Q: NO. HAVE YOU EVER HEARD OF A COLOMBIAN NECKLACE?

    A: NO.

    Q: YOU ARE HEARING THAT WORD FOR THE FIRST TIME TODAY?

    A: NO. I KNOW WHAT A COLOMBIAN NECKTIE IS.

    Q: COLOMBIAN NECKTIE. WHAT IS A COLOMBIAN NECKTIE, DETECTIVE FUHRMAN?

    A: CUTTING SOMEBODY’S THROAT.

    Q: DID YOU EVER HEAR IT CALLED A NECKLACE?

    A: NO.

    Q: THAT INCLUDES CUTTING THE THROAT SO SEVERELY THAT BOTH THE CAROTID ARTERIES ARE SEVERED, CORRECT?

    A: I DON’T KNOW ABOUT THAT, BUT I JUST HEARD THE TERM.

    Q: WHAT HAPPENS WHEN THEY ARE SEVERED? DO YOU KNOW FROM YOUR TRAINING?

    A: WELL, THE PERSON WILL BLEED PROFUSELY AND DIE.

    Q: THE BLOOD PRESSURE DROPS TO ZERO AND DEATH OCCURS ALMOST IMMEDIATELY; ISN’T THAT SO?

    A: I WOULD ASSUME SO.

    Q: IF YOUR THROAT IS CUT THAT SEVERELY WHILE YOU ARE STANDING AND SOMEBODY IS HOLDING YOUR HEAD, YOU WOULD BE DEAD BEFORE YOU HIT THE GROUND, WOULDN’T YOU?

    A: (NO AUDIBLE RESPONSE.)

    Q: IF YOU KNOW?

    A: I WOULD HAVE TO SPECULATE. I COULDN’T TELL YOU THAT, SIR.

    read the rest here

  6. two years ago today i had the weirdest life 


    woke up with a naked young lady next to me. we hadnt gotten to sleep til 5:30am. didnt say thats when we got to bed thats when we got to sleep. oh yeah. heh.

    woke up at 10am cuz her friends wanted her to have breakfast with her and i was all bone appittite. and she was all wsss wsss wsss. i was all huh. she was all do me before i leave and i was all again? and she was like yes, do it any way you want. and i was thinking hmmm. and i said i will but it wont be pretty. and she ripped the mexican blanket from my nude form and said anything you do will be pretty.

    and then i did the foulest thing ive ever done to a woman.

    well, ive done it before, a few times, but this was worse because a) it was sunday 2) i was talking dirty and pulling her hair and iii) she was talking dirtier and groaning. not moaning. eventually moaning but first groaning.

    then we went to jack in the box where they have breakfast all day.

    and i thought i have the weirdest life, all this is happening before noon.

    then my buddy from the former dot com failure came over to borrow some cable splicers. i was all hows your new dot com and he said awesome. then told me how his stocks are doing. then before he left he was all, oh yeah, hope you kept your options for the former dot com failure, cuz they might go ipo now because theyve been outsourcing their shit offshore in the phillipeans.

    i was all uh

    he was like, how many options did you have ten thousand, twenty thousand?

    i was all fourty five thousand.

    he left, but not before saying oops.

    and i was all, i have the weirdest life, and its still not noon.

    at 11:45am my old buddy aj called to tell me that she has arrived in santa barbara where she will be teaching this quarter at ucsb at our alma matter the college of creative studies and she was drinking coffee outdoors at the sojourner, downtown. and she told me about the class shes teaching and i was all, im so excited for you you dont even know. then i told her how the burger king is now a sushi place and she was all, so great!

    then she said how she wanted to renew her radio liscense while shes there and substitute on some shows and i was all thats so great and i meant it i know how crazy new york can be, and to be plopped in santa barabara to teach at the greatest school of all… sheesh.

    then she said, yeah so that brings up something that i would like to ask you about, how would you like to be a guest lecturer for when we talk about jim carroll’s the basketball diaries, and i was all

    i have the weirdest life.

    and then i saw it was noon.

  7. Tuesday, March 28, 2006
  8. Monday, March 27, 2006

    today is the birthday of two of my favorite entertainers 

    hi mariah mariahs left nipple and mariahs right nipple.

    kidding.

    no really today is mariah careys birthday and i dont know how old she is and i dont care, all i know is ive loved her since i first heard her voice and i really loved her when i saw her.

    over the years we’ve had our ups n downs. first she married not just a white guy, but a white record exec. then she did the unspeakable – started hanging around puff daddy.

    sheesh.

    through it all i stayed by her side. i did the same with anna when she started dating that boybander. what is it with these fine bitches picking the absolute worst men to spread their legs for?

    jessica simpson with nick, nicole kidman with tom cruise, xtina with jordan, mariah and her cheesy dudes, anna and her unforgiveable ricky martin?

    its almost like they know their pussy is too good for the world so might as well just throw it away cuz really who cares?

    time has been good to mariah. sure shes gained a few pounds but havent we all? sure she went through a period of going crazy, but again, who hasnt?

    does she wear inappropriate clothing? yes, but why would a red blooded man complain about that? is she a bitch and stuck up and cunty? yes, but thats how i like my divas. is she a few six packs short of a case? again yes but the ho can sing and thats all that i look for in my singing sensations.

    mariah can sing, she cant fake giving a shit about your problems, she poses as she walks, she rips off pretty much every r&b and pop-hopper out there, but noone can come close to singing like her for the sole exception of xtina but when it comes from her it sometimes sounds like a white girl trying to be black, which, again, is fine with me cuz that little ho can sing too.

    im glad mariah made a huge comeback this year. im glad everyone bought her shit. im glad she tore it up at the grammys and im glad she cost all of her former record labels money because it proved once and for all that record labels dont know shit and they cant even handle the #1 top selling female artist of all time so its no wonder they cant handle up n coming superstars like Tsar.

    i heart you mariah and i always will i dont care if you grow to 666 lbs, i dont care if every label drops you, just keep wearing those little dresses and singing your ass off because thats all we pay you for. if we wanted someone with manners we’d hang out with our mamas more.

    my other favorite entertainer whose birthday is today is mr quentin tarentino who’s Kill Bill Vol 2 is a classic and made up for him saying the N word in Pulp Fiction but if he ever says that word in my presence i will slap him so hard it’ll unbreak that tucan sam nose of his.

    hes my boy and i love him and i cant wait to see what else is up his twisted sleeve.

    stoned nerd + zulieka + wild bell