1. Tuesday, March 14, 2006

    sxsw. day four. austin, badass 

    its 354pm. im not drunk, take a picture. im eating roomservice lunch again. im listening to an old howard stern. i just uploaded a bunch more pics on buzznet fr yr ass. im making lists. why am i making lists. oh because someone from the txrd was just here and said smoke this but i didnt want to smoke this and she said fuckr i didnt ask you if you wantedd to i am telling you thaqt you hafta smoke it and i was all is this cradck and she said crack is wack this is wickety wack so i said hark is that the door. and thankfully it was the door with the food. and when i paid and turned around there she was and she kissed me and blew smoke into my mouth and i coughed and she laughed and now im making lists.

    i ordered a diet coke. im eating brocolli. im eating asparagus. im not watching tv. im emailing leah. im chatting with the pants. im reading raspberry. im writing you. above is me and justin from blogads. did i tell you how many people i met last night? have you any idea? do you know how much ass i saw last night? boobies. people who came up to me and said tony pierce! do you know what a mindfuck egostroke lovefest this is? fortunately i have zero selfesteem and all the nice things that these people say go in one lone star and out the other.

    sometimes i feel like im running for governor. people will say tony pierce i totally support you youre the man and they shake my hand and im all great! but i dont know what theyre supporting me for. half the time i dont even remember what post theyre talking about. im sure there are people who think that the man who they meet at these events isnt even the real tony pierce because the party goer doesnt know the busblog as well as they do.

    but the girls seriously do love to dance, thats one thing ive noticed. dance dance dance. all sorts of girls. best thing about the red bull house isnt the gizmos or the doo dads or the whatchamathings. its the locals who have come and the roller girls and their rollerfriends.

    last nnight it was so happening thanks to everyone telling each other thru dodgeball that nick douglass came running over to me saying dude jokie mcjokey cant get in, tony pierce please talk to the security guard, and i was all im not really tony pierce and if i were austin would be out of my jurisdiction, so the security guy goes tony who? and then tells me to get someone who signs his checks to vouch for the upncoming comedian. just then the fajita prince shows up and im all dude can you help us get these people in?

    and he actually relieves the buff security guard of his post and lets in a stream of people who definately should be in our bash and jokie says tony that right there is Chris Gore editor n chief of Film Threat magazine and he doesnt have an invite and im all you dont have to tell me who Chris Gore is, sir you are invited. and of course mr gore has six people with him which the fajita prince wasnt crazy about but he’s a bro so everything was good and after everyone got in i never came close to that door again because that was tension incarnate for EVERYONE wanted to be at the buzznet red bull party last night and we were approaching capacity quickly.

    the best was when miss amerikill cornered me in the internet room. she was checking her myspace which is quite a sight. she showed me her two new tattoos. one said bad girl, good woman which made me love her. and the other that said heathen and the t in heathen was upside-down. that made me super love her.

    anyways we stayed in the computer room for an hour as she had me show her the ins and outs of buzznet and then she told me to give her my camera and because she said please i gave it to her and she ran around the party taking pictures of her friends and those pictures can be seen at missamerikill.buzznet.com the pictures get more revealing as you click so fyi.

    tonight we’re cohosting a party at the red bull house that will feature the gay and lesbian rappers from the movie pick up the mic. miss money, juba kalamka from the deep dick collective, jenRO, and scream club. i can pretty much bet that it will be the most interesting musical event of the week because every other type of music has been around for forever but gay and lesbian hard core rap? i believe thats fairly new. im totally into the totally new music.

    leah wont be there tonight but the pants will and bunny mcintosh is coming in tomorrow which means this shit is about to get turned up a notch. which is good for me but bad for them because these last few days were like spring training and now i know the pace of this shit and its just my style: party work party work sleep work party.

    me and marc brown partied worked so hard that we both lost our phones. he lost his blackberry, i lost my motorola 815. marc called his a bunch and his girlfriend was getting buttcalled by it and it turned out a cabbie found it so marc is gonna get his phone back. me, i wasnt so lucky, but in a way i was lucky because i hate having a cell phone however ina place like this it is actually somewhat convienent because you can say hey j mascis is playing right here with his new band called witch.

    i met a girl who goes to college here. she said you should go to college here. i said baby i graduated college so long ago that we didnt even have the interweb back then. and she was all well you should go to grad school here cuz this place is great. and i thought that if i did i would ask asher if i could bartend at his bar room 710 and write the great american novel.

    i would wear a top hat and grow a zz top beard.

    i had a very nice conversation with a young lady who used to live in the boogie down bronx but now lives in the richmond in frisco. she was spectacular. young lady if youre reading this whaddup baby come to our party tonight.

    i have to upload video now. i love you all, lets have babies and name em all merle or bubba.

    video: craig from craigslist admits how buzznet influenced the name + pirates invade sxsw + quickie with Dooce + buzznet to get a Pulitzer?